Anyone indulging in some misplaced patriotism by celebrating the life of a Greek-speaking, half Israeli Turk who served in the Roman army and never actually set foot in Engerrrland?
Poster fist: No
[ 23.04.2008, 05:39: Message edited by: Ringo ]
Posted by sabian (Member # 6) on :
It's exactly this kind of racism that gives St Paddy's day and Saint Andrew's day a bad name!
Shame on you Ringo for even bringing it up!
(and no, I was supposed to go up to Bedford for a piss up but I'm going to King Tut tomorrow with the little'uns and figured since I spent £60 to see a couple thousand year old dead guy, I should be sober for it.)
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
It's all just a PR stunt dreamt up by manufacturers left with a surfeit of plastic hats, red and white face paint and George's Cross undercrackers after England failed to reach any footballing tournament this year.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
In Catalonia, where George is also the patron saint, people celebrate by people giving their loved one a book (any book) as a gift.
Which of course is just a cynical PR stunt dreamt up by bookshops with a surfeit of books, but still, nice.
OOh it's even nicier than I'd remembered:
quote:In Catalonia St. George's day coincides with the Fair of the Book and the Rose. On this day every man offers a rose to his loved one (wife or fiancée), and in return she gives him a book. The book is in memory of Cervantes. This custom was started in 1926, to commemorate Cervantes death (authour of "Don Quiote")
And Shakespeare.
[ 23.04.2008, 07:38: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Bit of a coincidence that, isn't it? National literary heroes being born on their Saint's day.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
There's a lot of crazy freaky shit in this world, mate. You have to be ready for it.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Someone gave me a book the other day. It was by Iris Murdoch, though, so it is sat on the dining room table. Looking at me malevolently.
Am I supposed to care about St. George? I have ordered sunglasses and I care more about them.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I'm not really interested in St. George's day. It's pretty meaningless. But, it does raise the question what do you think of when you think of England? Do you lapse into the nostalgic conservatism of warm beer and cricket? A single football victory, forty years ago? The bloody military peversions of past English kings? The political and cultural features of Elizabethan London? The occupation of Wales, Scotland and Ireland?
When I think of England, I suppose the first thoughts relate to a kind of 'common sense decency', but I'm aware that this is because I've been affected by the way that the white English believe everybody to be slightly backwards apart from themselves. "common sense decency" doesn't even mean anything, but it's there, a phrase, that's been drummed into me. "Fair play" and eccentricity are also in there somewhere as a result of the same thing.... received opinions from politicians and newspaper editors of the past. Before mass media, would a unified "Englishness" even exist? What is the history of the national identity? Or do we latch onto whatever somehow speaks to us the most - Haywain or Coal mine, spitfire or steed.
Another thing would be, how much of our personal identity would we lend to being English? There's a portrayal that our European brethren spend all their time waving flags and eating the national dish, but is anybody here actually proud of being 'English', or of 'England'? Would we now accept that we're British, or is that just a backdoor way of erasing the identities of the non-English citizens of the Kingdom?
Christ knows.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: But, it does raise the question what do you think of when you think of England?
Bad teeth? Pale-skinned folk milling about whining about the weather? Football hooligans?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: But, it does raise the question what do you think of when you think of England?
Bad teeth? Pale-skinned folk milling about whining about the weather? Football hooligans?
There aren't any pale-skinned people in England these days, thanks to the wonders of the tanning salon. One of the first policies introduced by current Prime Minister, Golden Brown was a forced hour per day on a sunbed for every British citizen.
Also, our teeth are steadily improving thanks to the influx of talented Polish dentists, and dental polish.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Wearing sunglasses isn't very English.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Bummers with meringues.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Myra Hindley on a space hopper.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Giant Haystacks at the poll tax riots.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
A Mini full of lemon curd.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Foetal alcohol syndrome.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
T.Rex
(Awfully sorry.)
[ 23.04.2008, 11:19: Message edited by: Black Mask ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Foetal alcohol syndrome.
My mate who teaches can spot this in teenagers at twenty paces. A not entirely useful, but simultaneously amusing skill.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche:
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Foetal alcohol syndrome.
My mate who teaches can spot this in teenagers at twenty paces. A not entirely useful, but simultaneously amusing skill.
It's the new look. All your features jostling for position in the middle of your face, a weak chin and a thin neck.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
By 2020, most of the Northern English will look like this, I suspect. Unless they're all wiped out by Peak Oil because they just fade away when the booze supply runs out.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: But, it does raise the question what do you think of when you think of England?
Bad teeth? Pale-skinned folk milling about whining about the weather? Football hooligans?
This is clever, because you've thought about the most nauseatingly boring and uninspired critiques of the English people from the viewpoint of an American, and reproduced them here for the 100th time. Is this all part of a grander piece of online performance art about the weakness of the American imagination, or are you trying to hypnotise us into submission by repeating this exhausted nonsense over and over again?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Quality Street
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Anyway, I'm not English so I'm exempt from all this.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Xmas (spelt X-M-A-S)
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Chinese DVD-hawkers
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
also, would most people place their regional identity above their national one in terms of importance to their how they would define themselves?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Yes.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: also, would most people place their regional identity above their national one in terms of importance to their how they would define themselves?
Outside London you mean?
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Outside London you mean?
What do you mean 'Outside London'?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: What do you mean 'Outside London'?
You know - Outside London. It's that place where Heston Blumenthal runs a restaurant.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
perhaps it's time that we ditched this London / Not London nonsense, and allowed the rest of the UK to become the thirty third national borough.
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
I think of the British as being uppity and unemotional. There are plenty of other stereotypes to draw on outside of pale skin and bad teeth (though I have heard the same American stereotypes rehashed here time and again).
I think there is an inverse correlation between national identity and national vanity. I don't feel that Americans have much of a national identity, because we don't look too far outside of our borders in day-to-day life...and the idea is why should we. I'm guessing the English have a similar vanity, though certainly not to the same extreme.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: This is clever, because you've thought about the most nauseatingly boring and uninspired critiques of the English people from the viewpoint of an American, and reproduced them here for the 100th time. Is this all part of a grander piece of online performance art about the weakness of the American imagination, or are you trying to hypnotise us into submission by repeating this exhausted nonsense over and over again?
The second one.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I guess most Americans have trouble with the whole UK / Great Britain / England thing.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Most people from other countries get it mixed up or wrong, not just Americans. It is quite complicated.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: also, would most people place their regional identity above their national one in terms of importance to their how they would define themselves?
Outside London you mean?
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with this. Are you suggesting that it's only Londoners who do have a strong sense of regional identity or that Londoners don't? Because although Londoners do seem to view themselves as - you know - Londoners, it doesn't seem any less prevalent than the ferocious sense of regional identity that blazes off Geordies, or the wafts of mawkish sentimentality that Liverpudlians carry and so on and so on. Or have I missed the point entirely? It just seems to be a part of the massive and massively pathetic insecurity that larges tranches of the board feel at not living in london.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Most people from other countries get it mixed up or wrong, not just Americans. It is quite complicated.
Oh for reals bro. I wasn't trying to hate on our american cousins. I love our american cousins Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: also, would most people place their regional identity above their national one in terms of importance to their how they would define themselves?
Outside London you mean?
I'm not sure what point you're trying to make with this. Are you suggesting that it's only Londoners who do have a strong sense of regional identity or that Londoners don't? Because although Londoners do seem to view themselves as - you know - Londoners, it doesn't seem any less prevalent than the ferocious sense of regional identity that blazes off Geordies, or the wafts of mawkish sentimentality that Liverpudlians carry and so on and so on. Or have I missed the point entirely? It just seems to be a part of the massive and massively pathetic insecurity that larges tranches of the board feel at not living in london.
I saw Benway's post as a question directed to members of the forum, rather than a question about the populace in general. Perhaps that was a mistake. As you say, I'm sure regional pride exists in many areas across the country, although it only seems to be represented by Londoners on TMO. I haven't noticed many scousers or geordies on here.
As for your final point - no, not at all. I lived in London for three years. I'm glad I did, but I wouldn't particularly want to live there again. If I did, I certainly wouldn't be able to afford property in the sort of areas I'd be prepared to live. I'm quite happy to be away from the place now, and it's only an hour away on the train if I want to visit.
How do you find life outside London? Do you miss it?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: also, would most people place their regional identity above their national one in terms of importance to their how they would define themselves?
It does seem to be something only certain regions feel much of. I haven't noticed people from Leicestershire blasting off about how great it is to be a.... Come to think of it, is there a diminutive or ready to hand name for being someone from Leicestershire?
Do a lot of us still live in the region we originated in? Doesn't that weaken regional identity?
Londoners don't think they are a region; they think they are Britain, by which they really mean England. By which they mean they don't have to call it England because they feel every right minded person wouldn't count the Scottish, N. Irish or Welsh as British anyway, so why even think about them.
By my book, St George is as much racially British as a lot of our families. And he did so come here. How else could he kill that dragon?
Americans are all Ivy League; Californian or red necks. Oh, and Hispanic.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: I'm sure regional pride exists in many areas across the country, although it only seems to be represented by Londoners on TMO.
No that's not true at all. Ben has written loads about the benefits of living oop North, and Ringo's has posred a great deal on how much he loves his town, to name but two examples. Outside the UK, Ralph seems to identify at least as much with his surrounding countryside as he does with being an American, while conversely Sabian appears to feel no regional identification with London.
To answer your question, yeah, I miss London a bit - there seems to be a suprising amount of 'small town thinking' outside the big city, a kind of cluelessness and lack of ambition that can get quite maddenning. That's the major difference. Outside London everyone seems to be massively incompetent and thick.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Of course, I was massively incompetent and thick even when I was in London, but I tended to be surrounded by smarter, more capable people, nso they propped me up to some extent.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: [QUOTE]Outside London everyone seems to be massively incompetent and thick.
Absolutely not true, but we do manage to keep the literati on Reserves where they can't be a nuisance.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It is true. Of all of them. If they were remotely clever the first thing they'd do is go "Hang on, why don't I move to London?"
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
in my mind you've got london, then you've got a country mostly full of people who all hate londoners and believe in the law of "common sense" and have "old fashioned values", and then some men in liverpool and manchester who convert warehouses into flats to sell to IT managers who use too much 'product' in their hair.
[ 24.04.2008, 06:25: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
D'you think you'll head back to London at some point in the future then, Ian?
Posted by Harlequin (Member # 454) on :
English patriotism these days seems reserved for football fans. In central London yesterday there were crowds of football fans all in patriotic English flag regalia singing patriotic songs. Apparantly there was football match on in London somewhere yesterday.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: D'you think you'll head back to London at some point in the future then, Ian?
Well, Tony, one of my friends is now relocating his family from London to Oxford because I've moved here, and another couple of people look like they're about to do the same, so once they've done that I might just move back to London as a kind of a joke. Or maybe Edinburgh. Just keep dragging these people round the country like dogs on a lead.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: in my mind you've got london, then you've got a country mostly full of people who all hate londoners and believe in the law of "common sense" and have "old fashioned values"...
Do you think that sort of generalisation might be the reason that (some) people outside London hate Londonders?
Also, do you become a Londoner simply by moving there? Is it a specific mindset you have to adopt? How many of you are actually born and bred Londoners? Ian's from Dorset isn't he?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
We're giving ralph a lot of ammunition here.
Don't forget that the British national dish is curry. Eaten from London to Liverpool to Glascow. See how comsopolitan and sophisticated we really are?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: in my mind you've got London, then you've got a country mostly full of people who all hate Londoners and believe in the law of "common sense" and have "old fashioned values"...
Do you think that sort of generalisation might be the reason that (some) people outside London hate Londoners?
Also, do you become a Londoner simply by moving there? Is it a specific mindset you have to adopt? How many of you are actually born and bred Londoners? Ian's from Doest isn't he?
Don't let him think we like Londoners, Misc. It's true, we do hate them all.
Well, I don't hate that half of my family who come from there, of course, but generally, well, you know. Londoners, I spit on them!
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Also, do you become a Londoner simply by moving there? Is it a specific mindset you have to adopt? How many of you are actually born and bred Londoners? Ian's from Dorset isn't he?
Yeah, and I don't live in London so the hand I'd be playing is pretty weak. But then, I'm not claiming to be a Londoner, just pointing out that it's a good place.
Posted by Pepper (Member # 353) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Do you think that sort of generalisation might be the reason that (some) people outside London hate Londonders?
Maybe, but we don't really care what they think. They're all Morris Dancers.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
Also, since getting cable my main window into the rest of the country is "booze britain", "booze nation", "the nation's biggest boozers". It seems like outside of london, the mostly round faced population spends their leisure time getting drunk and showing their arses to the po-po before slipping over in their own sick and losing their high heeled shoes. And having lived in Ashford Kent and Colchester Essex, that seems pretty true.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Americans and London-dwellers are rather similar in their inability/unwillingness to see beyond the borders of their domain.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Yes, that's true. Whereas places like Berkshire, the Midlands and the North are famous for their open-minded erudition.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I'm only playing here. London is as fucking miserable and disgusting as anywhere else, obviously.
[ 24.04.2008, 07:10: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Americans and London-dwellers are rather similar in their inability/unwillingness to see beyond the borders of their domain.
I'm willing, just unable. Guv.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Yes, that's true. Whereas places like Berkshire, the Midlands and the North are famous for their open-minded erudition.
Actually I don't see that blinkered attitude very much at all where I live. Yes, there's an element of petty snobbery about local 'rival' towns (e.g. Newbury vs Basingrad), but that seems to exist everywhere. That's rather different to looking down on everyone who doesn't live in your town/city, though.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Mmm. It must be someone else then who has posted exasperated rants about the closeminded prejudice of their co-workers on occasions like the Reading festival coming to town.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
Reading Festival! Hey, did I ever tell you about when jonesy and - oh I did? A lot? Okay.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Is disliking London being closed-minded? i mean, I can't stand the place, but I think I have fairly valid reasons for it. There are other places I can't stand, and others I really like, and some to which I am indifferent.
Perhaps that's just a reflection of the London mindset though - that if someone doesn't love London, it's because they're either too thick/uncultured to appreciate what makes the place 'great', or they're simply jealous that they don't live there.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
you're so jealous it hurts, ringers.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Perhaps that's just a reflection of the London mindset though - that if someone doesn't love London, it's because they're either too thick/uncultured to appreciate what makes the place 'great', or they're simply jealous that they don't live there.
I think you've nailed it, Chris. London is all about ego.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Perhaps that's just a reflection of the London mindset though - that if someone doesn't love London, it's because they're either too thick/uncultured to appreciate what makes the place 'great', or they're simply jealous that they don't live there.
Well...yeah I can't disagree with you there. Some Londoners describe good things about the city like overcrowding on the tubes. Or the fact your snot turns black in the city. In fact didn't London say recently how happy she was to be back in london to be pushed about and be treated rudely like it's a good thing. Oh and she called herself London on here as well. I thought you didn't like London because of overcrowding, the smell, the dirt and there's nowhere to park your beast. :theplacenotthepersonlol:
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Is disliking London being closed-minded?
Did anyone say it was?
quote: if someone doesn't love London, it's because they're either too thick/uncultured to appreciate what makes the place 'great', or they're simply jealous that they don't live there.
v true.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
I prefer Leeds. Leeds is pretty and full and varied and has great shops and a bit of culture and is on a major rail line to anywhere you need and rooted in countryside that is so damn beautiful it takes your breathe away sometimes.
Of course, it is full of Yorkshire men, but then you can't have everything.
But, hey, never mind other great places, you carry on talking about London.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Why are some of you making up names for each other?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Do you, er, do you live in Leeds, sam?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Is disliking London being closed-minded?
Did anyone say it was?
No, I suppose they didn't. I guess it's just a vibe I get from londoners when they're talking about London, that they're tapped into some kind of higher level of life experience, that they're a part of something greater than people outside of London could really appreciate or comprehend.
But then I guess the same could be said for a lot of regional pride. Perople appreciate that there are others who like very much the area in whcih they live/were brought up, but the way that they love their region is in some way deeper and more profound than other people.
Which is all complete toss really.
But going back to what Benway asked originally, I think that our regional identity is far more important to us than our national identity.
It's interesting really, in this age of globalisation, single currencies and unified worldwide goals, concepts such as Britain seem increasingly irrelevant. I wonder what the future holds for the United Kingdom.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:No, I suppose they didn't. I guess it's just a vibe I get from londoners when they're talking about London, that they're tapped into some kind of higher level of life experience, that they're a part of something greater than people outside of London could really appreciate or comprehend.[/QB]
Maybe it's down to the enviroment. London is a place where you have to be pretty tenacious. The day to day working life and commuting can be described as 'tougher' or 'competitive' in comparison to other cities. There's a larger scope of things to do and people to meet. You could easily describe living in London to be a higher level of life experience in terms of mental, physical and emotional thresholds go.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Do you, er, do you live in Leeds, sam?
Don't sound so worried. No.
I'm not that far away and have family there.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
London is so edgey I don't have time to do UBB properly.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
one thing I've noticed about london is that most of my friends have moved away now. So it can't be that brilliant.
[ 24.04.2008, 07:51: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
What about you, Michael? Do you wish you still lived in London?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Yes but most of my freinds have moved away from my local city. People move.
You can be as insular in London as anywhere else, but I guess it does offer a greater scope for many things than a most other places, even quite major cities.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Yes but most of my freinds have moved away from my local city. People move.
Yeah, fuck em. Fuck em all. Fuck those ***** in bedford and guildford and cambridge and essex and fucking manchester and everywhere else. We were supposed to be best friends for life. So much for the 'urban family'. Just like the real family. Bastards.
[ 24.04.2008, 08:02: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Isn't Thorn a bit much? His friends are moving to be near him. What did we do wrong? But you're right. Fu*k 'em. Fu*k him too.
[ 24.04.2008, 08:03: Message edited by: sam ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
yeah but oxfordshire is the elephant's graveyard of the middle classes. We'll all end up there one day, I'm sure.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
Either there or surrey.
[ 24.04.2008, 08:07: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I once new a man who moved to Buckinghamshire. I assumed that the whole of Buckinghamshire was acres of flat green plains like bowling greens, ornate gardens, and huge mansions. Basically like the gardens of buckingham palace. Anyway, this guy was an IT project manager. Had a porsche. After he left, all his mates then also moved off into that area, and all had wives / kids at the same time. One the girls was Annabel. She was nice. Crazy. Pissed in a bottle on a tube train once. I liked her nutzoid chaotic side. Now she's a freaking tory parish counsellor. Last time I saw her, years ago, she told me that's what she was going for. I kind of frowned in suprise. Last time I saw her. She's got a kid now. One of the other dudes used to grow weed in his greenhouse. It was literally like a weed jungle in there. Had some sweet BBQ's. Took pills. It all seemed to change after caroline ended up on life support after overdoing it in a club. Never saw her again after that. Sang in her boyfriend's bar on his last day, "oliver's army" over the PA. He kind of blamed me for her state. Didn't see the bar again until I walked past on the way to the VD clinic. Not a bar any more. Everything was exciting back then. Getting lifts from my psycho scot housemate in his meat delivery van. Snorting coke with lesbian police officers until their noses bled. Having fights. Going to work drunk. Buying size 'S' t shirts. Reading The Face. Thinking that I still had time.
[ 24.04.2008, 08:31: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
If I could be middle-class. I'm the one in my family who's still a bit common. Education wasn't able to save me.
Well, I'm off to a strike rally in town. Can't waste my entire strike day doing work at home. A bit of shouting and swearing in public will do me good.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
hey, thunder!
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
a twinkly- peepered older man just flirtatiously told me off for laughing out loud at myra hindley on a spacehopper. 'theres altogether too much laughing going on in this library', he said. 'i shall have to have you banned'. hes not my type but it was nonetheless a rather frisson- y moment. cheers masker!
when i return to the big smoke nowadays i find myself spending altogether too much time wanking on about how much i love bristol and how little i miss london, how returning to the city sends me noticeably stir- crazy within about 48 hours. at the last meat i got quite bored with listening to myself chuntering on, regurgitating those boring tropes that people churn out about the place when theyve decided they cant handle it any more- oh its so loud, and smelly, and everyones so pushy, and rich, and you cant get the n53 bus home from town on a saturday night without owrrying that youre going to get stabbed. i dont want to be the person who goes on about that shit- i loved all that stuff when i was here, until my brain capsized and i overdosed on it.
but i think that its a bit like when you split up with someone you really, really loved, but who was simltaneously a bit of a **** - you have to go through the stage where you bang on about how awful they were and bore everyone to death before you can get to the stage where you think 'oh, actually, there were good things too, there was the time they climbed over the wall of the botanical gardens at nighttime to pick me a rose/ they rescued a dying baby bird lying on the pavement/ that time we were cooking live lobsters and the lobster crawled behind the fridge and we were cracking up oh man that was funny and sweet'. unfortunately i lived in london for thirty years, so i have a little bit of wanking on to do before i get to the balanced acceptance stage. sorry dudes.
people in bristol arent as well dressed, in the main. i hang out with very clever, very funny bristolians, who read boks and everything, but actually most of them are transplanted bristolians. most of them are from somerset, lol. i dont hear them slagging off london or londoners very often, though. that might be because im from london, openly talk about its flaws, and present myself as wanting to be an adoptive bristolian a little bit, i suppose. the closest ive come to hearing anyone slag off london has been someone talking about paying £3.00 a pint and how bris is turning into 'little london' and filling up with posh london ***** who cant hack it there any more. a conversation i declined to partake in, for obvious reasons.
[ 24.04.2008, 08:56: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: What about you, Michael? Do you wish you still lived in London?
Officially, I still do.
[ 24.04.2008, 08:58: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
What are you rebelling against DM, I mean...what do we have?
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
after I have a nasty fall at work, lose the use of my legs and sue for millions, I'm going to go and live in a remote cottage in Scotland or Ireland, only one with decent internet. And no ghosts. And I'll develop a middle-class heroin habit where I just have a cheeky shot after dinner with a glass of claret, and then carry on working on my huge, sprawling novel that when it comes out will literally silence anybody who ever doubted me. And then there'll be a documentary about me and I'll be wearing thick itchy sweaters, awkardly clanking and clattering around the cottage in a wheelchair. Lifting myself into my sackcloth laden bed by rich golden candlelight. Giving interviews while looking whistfully over windswept hillsides, with my face half hidden in darkness, plumes of smoke captured in slow motion as they're slowly pumped from my gluey lungs by a crippled diaphragm. I'll be voted as having "britain's sexiest voice". Appear as myself in a britflick.
Perhaps even Wales. And Wales will embrace me as its returned son. And I'll be able to properly punctuate simple sentences without having to do like five edits.
[ 24.04.2008, 09:23: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: What are you rebelling against DM, I mean...what do we have?
i rebel against nothing these days, michael. i am quite the most compliant little lady in the south- west; i cross the road when the lights are green and everything.
who is kanye west again? is it the benway?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
no its not the benway. who is it.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
sorry, it is me. I accidentally logged out and then found that none of my passwords worked.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
yeah, but who's 'me'? you dappy **** .
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
benway Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
it's always going to be me these days.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
sorry, im a bit fractious today. all the tights i own are now the same colour, and i had one pair that were clean-ish, and one pair that were, lets say, not so clean, and im not sure which i put on this morning and im paranoid that i smell of wee and biscuits. except, im in the library, where everyone smells of wee and biscuits. im sure im very fragrant really. but i cant be sure. and you know, its a side- effect of the capitalist conspiracy to convince every woman that she is basically emitting a greyish- yellow fug of stench that is visible to all but her, and i have fallen for it. maybe i will go to primark and buy some tights which arent grey, and then situations like this may be avoided.
[ 24.04.2008, 09:43: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
ditch the tights, try to flush them down the toilet.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
but then they will be ejected forcefully into the bristol channel via the sewage system, and will strangulate a passing porpoise or narwahl or somesuch, and then i will have the death of a narwahl on my conscience. also, im a bit bruisey around the shins- Not A Now Look. 2008's aesthetic is all about bruising to the WRIST, THORAX and RECTAL AREAS, accessorised with a junk jewellery necklace, silk scarf OR luminous sweatband- (think; grey gardens meets nu- shooz on totp 1987 meets raisa gorbachev).
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i found some photos of tmo people the other day. i have a wonderful photo of benway staringly adoringly into the chest hair of 68 comeback elvis. the look in benways eyes! you can tell he is thinking 'its so... rusty. so luxuriant'.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
Agyness Dean (?) can be seen proudly displaying a bruised rectal area in her latest photoshoot for [VKRM] magazine.
I wasn't thinking about successfully flushing them though, just attempting to do so, then realising that it's not going to work, and half fishing them out before giving up and leaving somebody else to do so. And they'd be sickened by the way that the tights have still retained the foot shape, even after their soaking.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: i found some photos of tmo people the other day. i have a wonderful photo of benway staringly adoringly into the chest hair of 68 comeback elvis. the look in benways eyes! you can tell he is thinking 'its so... rusty. so luxuriant'.
that must have been when we went to Poole. Summer of '75.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
id like to read vkrm magazine. i hope it would feature the work of jamie- james medina prominently. i love that guy. i love his name. its well weapon.
[ 24.04.2008, 09:58: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Ugh. Poole. Every time I go back there I think "Was it always this bad, and I just didn't know any better, or has it gone seriously down hill since I moved out?" I mean, more than usual. It's an accepted phenomenon among civil engineers that QoL will deteriorate slightly when I move away from an area. But Poole. Fucking hell, it seems like a craphole these days.
Ah well. I shouldn't complain. I've had some good times there, stretching from when I used to go shopping for CPC464 games in Boots, to drinking til I was sick a coupla christmases ago. They've got an HMV these days. Put Falcon Records right out of business, that did.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
it was good when I was there with mr. Caberet, but on the last day he was hassled by all these people at a pub gig about his long hair. As a result of the verbal lynching, he tore up a memorial garden with his motorbike in frustrated adolescent fury. We had to do one after that, leaving our tents behind.
[ 24.04.2008, 10:02: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I wonder if Mikey can recall the time we spent a weekend at center parcs after he won a TV phone-in competition.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
lol, good times.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Hello TheMoon,
I have just been asked to go on a date to Paris this weekend with the ex-husband of one of my friend’s cousins. I’m not actually sure which friend is the cousin, it is one of two.
What do you think of that then!
(Continue with your conversation, I just felt I should share. Perhaps you could recount amusing dates you have had? I’m pretty sure we have done this haven’t we? Quite recently?)
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
I don't think I've ever conducted a 'relationship' with a female until after having sex with them, so the subsequent social interactions are more like a string of apologies and expressions of gratitude.
Apart from when I spent time with London from TMO, but even then I don't think we had any dates as such, just spazzed up skanky drug weekends in front of Mortal Kombat.
[ 24.04.2008, 11:26: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I trust this man is enormously rich, and will shag you senseless in a Louis XIII bed, before refuelling you with champagne and foie gras. Rather than a quick bunk up in the tunnel on the way, and then a MacDonalds?
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
or "McD'oh" as they call it. The idiots.
Posted by Kanye West (Member # 837) on :
no? Alright, it's your call.
[ 24.04.2008, 12:37: Message edited by: Kanye West ]
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: im not sure which i put on this morning and im paranoid that i smell of wee and biscuits. except, im in the library, where everyone smells of wee and biscuits.
pissy biscuits? i thought that i was alone in using that as a description of someone's personal odour.
[ 24.04.2008, 12:43: Message edited by: doc d ]
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I wasn’t particularly aware of great riches, but it does seem that may be the case. I have only met him twice, and one of those times was several years ago when he was married and I drank myself into unconsciousness in the corner. Clearly in a very charming way.
Like Thorn, all…[pause to think]…yes all of my previous relationships have followed the tried and trusted pattern of getting drunk and sleeping with my friends. I imagine sober, pre-arranged ‘dates’ to be very awkward.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
This thread has become very entertaining. I would be grateful if you would carry it on tomorrow with more details so that I may read it when I get back from work.
Thank you.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: I imagine sober, pre-arranged ‘dates’ to be very awkward.
I never really did the whole proper dates thing either, and was really determined that I wanted a proper 'date' with Pink the first time I met him. However, due to us meeting in london and neither of us living there, we had to book a hotel, and go there to get changed etc before the meal...so the meal ended up being more relaxed at least, but a lot less proper dateish. Aah well...at least I can rubbish anyone who says "don't sleep with anyone on the first date or they'll never marry you" by telling them I only waited approx 30 mins and have been married almost 5 years now. TMI? Probably but nevermind eh.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
To clarify, I didn’t drink myself unconscious because he was married. The two were unrelated.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
That is pretty much the kind of detail Sam was after I think. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: That is pretty much the kind of detail Sam was after I think.
Indeed.
I look forward to Monday's posts too - after the date. I hope you enjoy the weekend.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Oh Im not going to go! You can't go round skanking free holidays off chaps if you don't intend to put out. That is just rude.
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
Sober dates are just fine, and full of all kinds of giddy jr. high-like feelings, which are very enjoyable.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: id like to read vkrm magazine. i hope it would feature the work of jamie- james medina prominently. i love that guy. i love his name. its well weapon.
I'm not Barley-esque! Honestly! Ask Benway!
quote:Originally posted by Kanye West: Agyness Dean (?) can be seen proudly displaying a bruised rectal area in her latest photoshoot for [VKRM] magazine.
She's DJ'ing my friend's charidee do soon. As is Mark Ronson possibly. Mexico!
[ 25.04.2008, 08:10: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
You might think that no exciting news happens outside London. Think again.
* Rat sinks its teeth into frail pensioner's scalp amid fears poison-resistent 'super rats' are on the increase!
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I bet that rat got a fright when she started moving eh?
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
I recall a rat-related incident from my carp fishing days. I had dozed off in my bedchair in a particularly secluded area of the Dam in which I was fishing and woke up with a start - approximately an hour later - to discover a rather large, hissing black rat sat on its haunches at the foot of my bed. It was literally centimetres from my bare feet. It then proceeded to jump off and take refuge in a nearby bush. A truly life-defining moment.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Good to see you, Zygote. You've been missed. Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
In a way not too dissimilar to how the Congolese people would miss Ebola perhaps, but hello ralph!
[ 25.04.2008, 10:03: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I don't think anyone thinks about you like that.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by doc d: QUOTE]pissy biscuits? i thought that i was alone in using that as a description of someone's personal odour.
no, definitely wee and biscuits. same diff though innit.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita:
but i think that its a bit like when you split up with someone you really, really loved, but who was simltaneously a bit of a **** - you have to go through the stage where you bang on about how awful they were and bore everyone to death before you can get to the stage where you think 'oh, actually, there were good things too, there was the time they climbed over the wall of the botanical gardens at nighttime to pick me a rose/ they rescued a dying baby bird lying on the pavement/ that time we were cooking live lobsters and the lobster crawled behind the fridge and we were cracking up oh man that was funny and sweet'. unfortunately i lived in london for thirty years, so i have a little bit of wanking on to do before i get to the balanced acceptance stage. sorry dudes.
i would just like to mark todays momentous news with an addendum to the above paragraph: to extend the metaphor, i feel like i have spent a long time getting all torn up, and now a good friend has said 'yeah, its harsh, but its only because youre making such good progress that ive got to tell you- ive have it on really good authority that his new girlfriend is thirteen years old. hes fucking a child. an actual child. not a woman who looks like a child- an actual child.' and im disturbed and revolted and furious and revolted by my own lack of judgment and... relieved, because its a turning point, and i can get on with my life.
[ 03.05.2008, 10:01: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Hopefully that really is a just a metaphor about how you now feel about London city and not a real life experience.
It's still a heavy way to feel about a place you once enjoyed, surely? Even London can't be that bad. It must have a sense of humour, eh? Look at Boris.
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I hope you enjoy the weekend.
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