Do you ever wake up of a morning and think "how the hell did I get here?"? I'm not talking about the sticky aftermath of your least pleasant sexual encounter, rather a sudden rush of chemicals that makes you look at your life in a whole different way. OK, perhaps the sexual encounter could produce such feelings, but I digress...
People love routine. It makes them feel safe. But when a routine is stuck to in too strict a manner, the brain needs to find a way out. It looks for a different viewpoint. Lets you take stock.
When I looked in the mirror this morning, hot flannel in hand, I saw the unshaven face of a 26 year old man looking back at me. It struck me that I'd been living in my own mortgaged domicile for a year. Then I considered the fact that I've been working in the same steady job for close to four years. I wasn't thinking about it from the day-to-day point of view of a chap in his mid-20s. It was as if my teenage self was looking at my life, and assessing what he saw.
Am I turning in to Ally McBeal? Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: It was as if my teenage self was looking at my life, and assessing what he saw.
Was your teenage self all, like, "Dude, you are sooooo fucked"?
Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
[QUOTE]Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: It was as if my teenage self was looking at my life, and assessing what he saw.
Am I turning in to Ally McBeal? personally i miss my teenage self and am envious of you being able to take his opinion, i have only recently decided that i am considering myself to be adult, since watching the world cup(football) i realised that at the ripe old age of 24 that i am never going to represent my country on the football pitch, depressing or what? as for working in the same job, i worked in harrods for almost 4 years and just left in august it was quite a big desicion to make as i didnt actually line myself up for any other work but its really liberating, like jumping into a freezing pond, not in the sense that my genitals shrunk and my skin went blue, thats being scottish!
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Was your teenage self all, like, "Dude, you are sooooo fucked"?
On the whole, he was pretty pleased. Lazy cunt.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Staring backwards down the binoculars of time... your teenage self probably didn't have two pennies to rub together, got into strops with his parents and spent all his leisure time wanking. So, you know, not the most exacting of critics.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Staring backwards down the binoculars of time... your teenage self probably didn't have two pennies to rub together, got into strops with his parents and spent all his leisure time wanking. So, you know, not the most exacting of critics.
Yeah, at least I have money now. Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I just had to go to the coffee machine for an impromtu cock stroke when I saw the picture of naturalblondeblueeyedmisc for the second time in my life.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I seem to get soul-searching moments in association with scary anniversaries. The new university term is about to start, prompting the shocking thought that it is now EIGHT YEARS since I started uni.
The person who set off to Liverpool was going to be a journalist, probably after doing an MA in Science Fiction. This person would want to know why I'd cut my hair, what I was doing in an office and why I was wearing smart trousers. She'd only be impressed by the fact that I'd seen a film version of LOTR, but on hearing that Daniel Day-Lewis wasn't playing Aragorn she'd probably sneer.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
Wait till you're staring 40 in the face.
The teenage me thought I'd be dead by now... And to the teenage me, I probably am.
Posted by My Name Is Joe (Member # 530) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess:
it is now EIGHT YEARS since I started uni.
Hah! Just wait until its 10 years since you GRADUATED!
When I went to uni I wanted to be a journalist, which am. However at 18 I had visions of escaping dangerous situations in the jungles of El Salvador, Mike Donovan style, not sitting in an office writing advertiser ass-kissing shite and growing the world's biggest beer belly.
Posted by philomel (Member # 586) on :
I've been having one of those periods when everything seems to be falling apart. I have a job with fantastic prospects but at the moment I'm getting bogged down in the fear: that I'm just not good enough, that I'm not satisfied, that I'm stagnating, that I'm not coping. Rather contradictory, I know. I pulled myself out of my lethargy to apply for a new position, which has sparked a vague sense of nausea. Above all, I feel directionless. I can carry on as I am, do well, scramble up the ladder, meet more journalists, clients, drink more alcohol and sip water at coffee meetings, smiling and nodding, ready to prod and steer them in the right direction as they mutter about their companies. Notepad always ready, mobile always switched on (my mobile number's on my business cards, so, always contactable). I write press release after press release on dull products and facile research aimed to grab the attention of the consumer, draft articles on the state of the housing market (depressing in itself) and other thrilling topics, arrange countless meetings and events, monotonous rounds of phonecalls to bored journos (yes, no, we're not writing on that this week, I'll keep it on file, send it over again). Smiling on the phone to keep my voice sounding cheery. I don't even know if it's what I want to do anymore, or where my dreams have gone. I need to move into an area I care about but I'm apathetic, and afraid of launching into the unknown. I crashed and burned yesterday, sleeping 'til midday, covered in angry stress spots. It's ridiculous, feeling overwhelmed by a role I know that I'm more than competent for. I'm drowning in disinterest. And tonight I go out with more clients and journalists and will paste a smile on and probably actually enjoy myself and drink and socialise and make new contacts and make sure everyone's happy.
I think possibly this is all down to the completion of my first full year (plus one month!) of full time work, and the relentless grind of routine.
edit! Teenage self would probably be bemused. She wanted to write, not journalism but books, or edit other people's messy texts for them. And before that she wanted to teach but that idea got discarded pretty quickly come university.
[ 30.09.2004, 07:05: Message edited by: philomel ]
Posted by Benny the Ball (Member # 694) on :
The teenage me was a smart-mouthed paranoid drunk, so would probably tell me to stop complaining, that I've never had it so good, say that I was he's best mate, tell me I've said too much when I point out that I'm not complaing, and that I'm actually quite happy at the moment, and then fall asleep on the floor.
Either that or stare in panic and fear as he realised that he has no confidence what so ever and really doesn't like being this close to any people at all, ever...
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
I wanted to be uber hip indie film maker. Or war correspondent that got involved. The new Martin Amis (this is back when i still liked his stuff). Prime Minister. Basquiat without the premature death. Anything to do with fashion.
Now I am twenty five years old and don't have a job, home, money, girlfriend, life, future.
Jesus, this is depressing!
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
I sometimes wonder how I have turned out to be a 33 year old single parent. BUT! I'm not doing too bad on the rest of the stuff. I have bought my own place, have a decent life, ok job and love my daughter to bits and can't imagine not having her. On the emotional side of my life though, I am still a dumb 16 year old with absolutely no idea whatsoever.
Misc, I think that you should be proud of yourself.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by saltrock: On the emotional side of my life though, I am still a dumb 16 year old with absolutely no idea whatsoever.
Misc, I think that you should be proud of yourself.
Teach your daughter to paint. It's extremely lucrative with zero moral obligation to feel bad. Fake a few tears to boost the college fund. Buy her a room full of lip gloss. Sorted.
When you tell misc to be proud of himself, remember to point out it's a warm feeling inside sort of proud. Not; trousers a bit tight, journey a bit bumpy on the bus kinda proud.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by philomel: the relentless grind of routine.
It is possible to change routine without changing jobs or moving house. In the same way as moving furniture around in your bedroom can make the place seem completely different and fresh, so can taking a new route to work, going on a bike instead of the Tube, turning the telly off and just looking out the window - it can make your life different. Trouble is that we cling to routine like a stranded climber clings to a ledge rather than be lifted off by a rescue helicopter.
As for teenage me looking at nearly 40-yr-old me, well he was such a fucking idle layabout that he'd probably be going, "so, how did you get this car and house then? You didn't, like, have to work for it or anything did you? Tell me you didn't have to work..."
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I always think of the teenage me as productive, inventive, cocky and unbound by such thoughts as "O but things like that don's happen to me" and "How the hell am I going to look after a kid at this rate". I liked him! He also got to nob VP, so he's clearly a man worth paying attention to.
I seem to have spent the last six months attempting to recreate the circumstances of me being 18 (what Thorn scholars refer to as the golden age), buying old records, wearing similar clothes etc etc. I even managed to try nobbing VP again and being met with a sneering rejection - it really was just like being a teenager again! The upshot was that the malaise that'd dogged me for seemingly ages lifted, I was enthused about writing again. I stopped getting frustrated with work, stopped fretting about getting jobs I hated and generally got excited about things again. I think my teenage self would be pleased and I think he'd also say "nice work on the porn collection and the computer games".
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
The teenage me was utterly guache, directionless, naive and hopeless. Her biggest ambition was to get out of Wigan, which she managed to achieve for a number of years before being forced back by malign circumstances. Realising you've managed to bugger up the only ambition of your teenage self is a little humiliating, really.
She would no doubt be immensely pleased and mildly amused to note that, thanks to the recent revival of 'sixth form chic' what I am wearing for work is almost identical to what she wore daily for college. Though most of it is now from Marks and Spencers rather than 'Mal's Rokk Shop' on Wigan market.
She would be bewildered by and profligate with the amount of money I earn, as she considered £2.75 an hour to be a fantastic rate at 16 as it was vastly improved from the £1.75 per hour she'd earned the few years preceeding that.
Conversely, I'd like to pop back in time for a few minutes, and, over a companiable pint of sweet cider in the Navigation, endeavour to persuade her that home piercing your ears 18 times is a really shit idea which will leave you with permanent disfiguring scarring. Ditto the nose. I'd also like to point out that having your hair braided before your graduation ceremony guarantees that you will be recorded, beaming, forever on mother's mantelpiece looking like Predator in a frock.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I don't think of routine as a 'relentless grind'. For me it's more like being rocked gently as I sleep. Every so often, as I drift indolently through months where each day is more or less the same as the last, I might suddenly snap awake in the way I do when I dream I'm falling from a high place, and only then I perceive the sudden loss of all the time that has passed without my noticing it, and know I can never get it back.
I hate the way I can't remember enough, too. I recently saw a picture of me with short hair and a fringe, I think I must've been 14 or 15. I was wearing a stupid black and white striped headband and a t-shirt that had a woman with a bowl of fruit on her head on the front, and I was squinting at the camera in a vaguely irritated way. Looking at that picture, I realised that I have no more than a meagre hoard of fading memories of that time in my life. I can't remember where I got the t-shirt. I don't know if I chose the headband myself or if my mum bought it for me. I can remember how I felt about boys, and what music I liked, and who I was friends with at school. But what books was I reading? What did I write long letters to my friends about? What did I argue about with my parents? What did I eat for dinner each night? Couldn't tell you. In ten years, I'll be able to tell you even less, and I suspect that much of my daily existence now will eventually go the same way.
Scientists (I think) say that people need to be able to forget things which aren't immediately useful to us, otherwise we'd go insane with the effort of desperately trying to memorise the minute details of everyday life. I can understand why, for example, the ability to forget the list of ingredients on the back of a packet of smokey bacon crisps might be a beneficial thing, but I still wish I was better at holding on to the good stuff.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I think my teenage self would be pleased
Not when he saw that you now like rap noise.
Also he'd be gutted that you callously chucked all your VHS tapes away, including the secret gore collection, nurtured and hidden for years on the shelf behind more respectable films.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
quote: having your hair braided before your graduation ceremony guarantees that you will be recorded, beaming, forever on mother's mantelpiece looking like Predator in a frock.
UR ME ICM5UKP
I was a rubbish teenager - shy, awkward, minging boyfriends and overly large eyebrows.
I am much better now!
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
I think Thorn and Golden Age Thorn should team up to save everyone in the forum from getting totally depressed about being in the prime of life!
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
lol.
disco: hello teenage self. disco: hello future me. why havent i lost weight yet? disco: you have. youll be a size 18 in five years time. disco: oh christ. disco: id read the beauty myth now if i were you; it might make it easier but i doubt it. disco: you fat lazy **** . disco: i know i am but what are you. disco: am i hugely famous then? disco: a stranger off a bulletin board will come up to you at a work experience placement in 2003 and tell you he likes your writing. disco: does he ask for my autograph? disco: er...no. disco: doesnt fucking count. i might as well kill myself now and be done with it. disco: after 1994 you get to take loads of drugs! you get to take loads of cocaine! disco:....oh...really? well, maybe ill stick around then. wait a minute, cocaines really expensive, its like, £80 a gram. that must mean im gonna be really rich! disco: yes, or that cocaine gets substantially chea...yes. you are very rich. very very rich. so rich, you can afford to buy your shoes at office. disco: really? wowzers, thats completely ace! okay, heres the question. am i ever going to have a boyfriend? disco:....well. yeah. eventually. oh but heres the thing, you get to go out with sophie's brother! you know, the one with the hair! disco: no shit? okay, thats random. does he still have the hair? disco: no. disco: bugger.
[ 30.09.2004, 08:07: Message edited by: discodamage ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: I think Thorn and Golden Age Thorn should team up to save everyone in the forum from getting totally depressed about being in the prime of life!
Then dp vp.
Posted by My Name Is Joe (Member # 530) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: I think Thorn and Golden Age Thorn should team up to save everyone in the forum from getting totally depressed about being in the prime of life!
I don't think the despressing thing is actually being in 'the prime of life', but rather that it just isn't really that 'prime' at all.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
I think you should join in Ben, that was a good start.
Me, I know you shouldn't mock the afflicted but...
Misc: Oh no. I've got a flat, a mortgage, a girlfriend, a decent reasonably paid job I don't hate, and a generally comfortable existence at age 26.
Peoplewithoutallthese: Fuckssakedude!
ETA: Discolol.
[ 30.09.2004, 08:14: Message edited by: Boy Racer ]
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Christe! Cheer up you miserable whinging fucktards! You'll be dead soon, you've got that to look forward to at least.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Boy Racer: Misc: Oh no. I've got a flat, a mortgage, a girlfriend, a decent reasonably paid job I don't hate, and a generally comfortable existence at age 26.
Don't try and turn this thread into something it quite patently isn't, Boy Racer:
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: On the whole, he was pretty pleased.
I'm not saying that my life is crap at all. I don't know how you managed to misread it so. I merely think it's interesting to imagine how your teenage self would view your current lifestyle. Perhaps you could contribute in a more meaningful way next time?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Who is being depressed? :confuzzled face: Apart from Vikram. Who is depressed because I called hima twat yesterday :arrogant face:
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I'm a bit depressed, I reckon.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
Philomel seems quite glum as well.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: I'm a bit depressed, I reckon.
Would you smile if I sent you a t-shirt with 'Toss' written on the front?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Would you smile if I sent you a t-shirt with 'Toss' written on the front?
No, but I bet she would if you just sent her a t-shirt with toss on the front. You must have a few lying about.
[ 30.09.2004, 08:30: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: [QUOTE]Would you smile if I sent you a t-shirt with 'Toss' written on the front?
Would I ever! I'd wear it, too. I think a t-shirt with 'Toss' written on the front would be just the thing.
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: I'm not saying that my life is crap at all. I don't know how you managed to misread it so. I merely think it's interesting to imagine how your teenage self would view your current lifestyle. Perhaps you could contribute in a more meaningful way next time?
the glum face at the end and the references to ally macbeal might have helped such a misreading. after all, worrying that your life was in any way shape or form like that godawful snorton of a programme would mark a long dark night of the soul for most cogent people, wouldnt it?
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
Oh, ok, I'm confused.
I'm thought Minj was depressed, I just assume Louche is, disco sounded it in a self depricating sort of a way, anyone else?
Oh well.
When teenage?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: I think a t-shirt with 'Toss' written on the front would be just the thing.
What three colours would be to your liking for this offending article? In acsending order of preference.
Posted by philomel (Member # 586) on :
I am glum about work. However! I am attempting to remedy this by semi-actively searching for other jobs. Also, it pays me to go out on the piss so it can't be all bad.
Plus points to teenage self: live in house in London with four fab flatmates, enjoying the single(ish) life with them, having almost enough money to do the things we want to. Living in London full stop and always having people and places and excellent things to do. Stopped being quite so obsessive about weight/looks etc, actually feeling happy and content in my own skin. Miles more confidence than I had back then (although not hard: a roadkill bunny would probably have had more self-belief). Knowledge that life without man is not the end of the world.
There are more pros than cons.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
Purple (deep) Green (grass) Blue (sky)
ETA: this is to Nwode, not a cryptic response to Philomel. Also! Please note: blue = most preferred, purple = least. Am I really going to get a t-shirt? Cor!
[ 30.09.2004, 08:43: Message edited by: Astromariner ]
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: Purple (deep) Green (grass) Blue (sky)
ahh, thats like beautiful pome. i feel happier now.
i am not depressed boy racer! it was good hair but the lack of it has absolutely no impact on my every day life! you need to get over yourself! now shut it or i will rite boy racer meets babyboy racer and embarrasss you totally.
[ 30.09.2004, 08:43: Message edited by: discodamage ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: Am I really going to get a t-shirt? Cor!
Yes, if there is a Buddah, then you will receive a sky blue t-shirt with 'Toss' written on the front.
Can you e-mail me a preference of size (i.e. standard t-shirt medium or say skinny fit small etc) to my e-mail. This is because you are a lady and I would not ask such a thing publicy.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
As I believe I have said before, I had no solid expectations of my life or what it would be like when I was older as a teenage. I remember thinking about this, both in the year 2000, and last year when I turned thirty, because people asked me about it directly. No idea. It wasn't until I was eighteen and at Art College that I realised I wanted to, could, pursue a career in film, and I never expected it to come quickly or easily.
What would the teenage me think of my life now?
I think he'd like it, mostly. Much like me.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Not when he saw that you now like rap noise.
Also he'd be gutted that you callously chucked all your VHS tapes away, including the secret gore collection, nurtured and hidden for years on the shelf behind more respectable films.
Why are you trying to darken my sunny disposition? Golden Age Thorn liked rap - but it was bad rap, like the Insane Clown Posse, and it's hardly as though I don't listen to metal anymore. As for the gore thing - I didn't throw out anything I couldn't replace. Even better, 18 y/o me would be breathlessly giddy with excitement if exposed to my current collection of anti-social movies especially the ones that I keep hidden under the bed, like Ilsa the Wicked Warden. So you see - I've been able to take core elements and improve on them.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
So is this new sunny disposition a direct result of VP refusing to be nobbed?
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I don't believe I have your email address, Nwode. Could you furnish me with it?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
This means you have removed me from messenger. That explains everything.
:shinyeyeballs:
It is;
- newwayofdecay@hotmail.com or if you need to send me something bigger (1:1 scale photgraph of an elephant etc) - mikeeteevee@gmail.com
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
The teenage me would most likely stare in sullen horror from beneath his ear-length hair and wonder where the hell mine went to, would no doubt point and laugh at my beer gut, but would probably be pretty impressed by my cosy job and resultant vastly improved financial situation, not to mention my ability to drink more than 5 pints of beer without spending the rest of the night hunched over the toilet bowl..
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I didn't! I didn't! I just don't use it at work because I'm scared that I will get in trouble. And I don't use it much at home because there's this guy called Paul I'm trying to avoid.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: Purple (deep) Green (grass) Blue (sky)
Hmmm... according to this cabalistic colour chart I have here in front of me that means you're a sad clown.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
If by "sad clown" you mean "a bit of a dick" then your cabalistic colour chart is eerily accurate!
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: "a bit of a dick"
No.
Look.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
That's a horrible picture. I hate clowns. They look depressing even when they're in a good mood.
Posted by Tef-land (Member # 561) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: He also got to nob VP, so he's clearly a man worth paying attention to.
Indeed - but it is to be expected, after all she does have a pretty name.
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I even managed to try nobbing VP again and being met with a sneering rejection
Why?
Veep, what was it that so inspired you about teenage Thron that you were willing to let him rummage in your lady-garden and what has he lost that now means you don't want him?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
The bit about trying again was a jokk based on the premise that my teenage advances were usually met with steely-eyed rejection.
Posted by mooch (Member # 730) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I think my teenage self would be pleased and I think he'd also say "nice work on the porn collection and the computer games".
Ace! Its good to work toward goals.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: That's a horrible picture. I hate clowns. They look depressing even when they're in a good mood.
They scare the pants off of me. And ventriloquist dummies are the absolute worst. Nightmares for weeks if I see one.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Boy Racer: I'm thought Minj was depressed, I just assume Louche is
I don't think I've been rancidly depressive and nihilistic of late. In fact, I did think I was being relatively positive, if a bit of a twat at times. But evidently people get glued to a persona perception and in order to change that I shall have to metamorph into a disposition sunnier than an afternoon in the Sahara desert.
NWOD, if you were depressed; look at your beautiful hair in the sunshine:
edited for dyslexia and thinking of something else...
[ 30.09.2004, 09:49: Message edited by: Louche ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Double top!
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Teenage me wanted to be fluent in every language in the world, make it in a band, have hoards of screaming fans, be famous for having both popular appeal and an intellect and for being a really nice, funny person to interview, and eventually use my wealth to benefit children in the third world.
Now me has managed but two languages, is a total media whore, working in an office in the one city in which I swore I would never live, has just joined a local chamber orchestra just to save me from utter cultural desertion (rock and roll), living in a recently burgled house.
I give ten pounds a month to Oxfam. This is about as far as it goes to realising dreams.
And isn't that photo of NWOD? (not the ventriloquist one, the one before)
Posted by Tef-land (Member # 561) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: The bit about trying again was a jokk based on the premise that my teenage advances were usually met with steely-eyed rejection.
oh.
It didn't work.
But it brings up an interesting point....
Veep - what would you speed dating assesment of Thron be?
Gusset Whump?
Call again?
Run screaming?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: And isn't that photo of NWOD? (not the ventriloquist one, the one before)
Yes. Who else? Posted by Bamba (Member # 330) on :
What I don't understand is why Thorn's gore collection was required to be in any way secret. Is there anyone who's known Thorn for more than five minutes who would actually be suprised at the existence of such a collection? I doubt even his parents would be shocked. Hell, at this stage in the game even mild disappointment would be like looking back to a bygone and more pleasant era for them.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by saltrock:
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: That's a horrible picture. I hate clowns. They look depressing even when they're in a good mood.
They scare the pants off of me. And ventriloquist dummies are the absolute worst. Nightmares for weeks if I see one.
How come so many people are 'scared' of clowns? And loads more are scared of spiders for fuck's sake. Spiders. Those little weeny things with eight legs and eight eyes. You can't even see the eyes unless you look through a magnifying glass.
SLUGS and SNAILS on the other hand! Jesus! They stick their eyes on fucking big wiggly stalks so they can psyche you out from any approach angle, and they slime around all over the place, especially with all this rain. We've got one of those sensor-activated security lights outside our door and I went out in the dark last night, stepped away from the door and the light flicked on to a scene of pure horror. SLUGS! Fahsands of 'em!
Shall I tell you something even worse? I trod on a snail a while ago on the way out in the dark, and when I came back an hour later there was a SLUG EATING THE SNAIL If I'd tripped and bumped my head in the dark then that slug could've been eating me! Think of that. A spider, though, would just keep the flies off till I was found. And a clown would just poke my leg a bit with his toe, from a metre away, to see if I was alive, then take me to hospital in his car.
I tell you, it's slugs and snails we should all be scared of.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: And a clown would just poke my leg a bit with his toe, from a metre away, to see if I was alive, then take me to hospital in his car.
Today is a sad day Dang, thanks for cheering it up.
I am bothered by clowns for this reason: their smiles are painted on to their faces. This means they look like they are smiling, even when they are not. This means they can lie to you, because you cannot read their faces. Plus they caper insanely, like Jack at the end of The Shining, and he was fucking NUTS.
Never trust anyone who smiles all the time anyway.
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: I don't think I've been rancidly depressive and nihilistic of late.
No you haven't been, I'll admit. Still, not long till Christmas though eh? Not long now Louche.
Posted by squirrelandgman (Member # 201) on :
I was convinced a slug screamed at me when I was a kid. Me and my mate were going to crush it with our gola trainers and it let out a terrible tiny wail. So we didn't squash it.
Only recently have I started thinking maybe someone was playing a practical joke.
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
disco: you know i said about the drugs? disco: yeah, im very excited by the drugs. disco: yes, you might want to look at that for a start. im not going to tell you not to do anything, and anyway youll get into far more trouble with the drink. but i will give you one piece of advice. disco: go on you self-satisfied bint. disco: when dancing around leafy blackheath gardens on acid in the pitch black, always wear flip-flops. disco: whys that? disco: slugs, my child. disco: what? ohhh... ewwww. disco: now, its just 'ewww'. you wait until youre on one and a half black microdots and youre scraping the liqufied grey remnants of another living being off your sole. disco: sole? or soul? disco: both, my love. both. disco: clever wording. disco: cheers.
[ 30.09.2004, 10:17: Message edited by: discodamage ]
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I am wearing a pair of gola trainers right this very moment! They have little rainbow stripes down the side.
I accidentally trod on a slug in a pair of sports socks once. I must say, I'm not their biggest fan, but those people that put salt on them to watch them bubble and dissolve are sadistic fuckers.
ETA: I was wearing the sports socks, of course, not the slug. The slug wasn't wearing anything.
[ 30.09.2004, 10:15: Message edited by: Astromariner ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by squirrelandgman: I was convinced a slug screamed at me when I was a kid. Me and my mate were going to crush it with our gola trainers and it let out a terrible tiny wail.
Can you hear The Silence Of The Slugs, clariceandgman? Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: disco: clever wording. disco: cheers.
uralanparkerurbanwarrior&icm£5
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: And isn't that photo of NWOD? (not the ventriloquist one, the one before)
It's easy to get confused though isn't it? The thing I am worried about there, is the fact that the dummy looks really fly whereas I am just looking slightly rotund there. I'm pretty sure I am as emaciated as I am gonna get really, but I want to fight that dummy, in crackly black and white filmation.
I have a better haircut now though, as I booked an appointment at a swanky hairdressers. She took two hours, and then only asked for a fiver. I was thinking 'what the fuckle?' and tipped her twice as much. A day later, it seemed to go back to it's usual scraggy state, but you know, I had cool hair for one day while I had the flu and was stuck in bed.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Boy Racer: Still, not long till Christmas though eh? Not long now Louche.
There. Were. Puddings. In. Tesco. In. The. Middle. Of. September. Christmas fucking cocking cunting cocking raison filled brandy flavoured fucking puddings. It drove me to a brief spurt of towering rage before plunging me into a monotone of defeated uncaring.
Also: vaseline on the edges of your pots prevents evil slime slugs from devouring your tender green plants!
Also: if my teenage self could see me tenderly applying vaseline to the edges of my hosta pots to organically deter monster slugs, she would be wholly, unutterably bemused and would probably have to go and give a bad blowjob in the back seat of an Astra Merit just to recover.
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
quote:Originally posted by omikin: uralanparkerurbanwarrior&icm£5
eyyyy!
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Also: vaseline on the edges of your pots prevents evil slime slugs from devouring your tender green plants!
Also: putting crushed egg shell around your plants stops them as it makes them go "OUCH!" and they can't slide over it.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Also: vaseline on the edges of your pots prevents evil slime slugs from devouring your tender green plants!
Keeps them out of your arse as well!
[How many people have already posted that comment I wonder?]
Posted by discodamage (Member # 66) on :
what the fuck are you on about, dang?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by saltrock: Also: putting crushed egg shell around your plants stops them as it makes them go "OUCH!" and they can't slide over it.
I have done this in the vegetable bed but it wasn't very very very effective. Bastard slugs ated my lettuce shoots when they were all new and inchoate, poking their nebulousness to the sun. I am going to psyche myself up to doing the burying a pint glass with beer in it thing and hardening myself to picking out pickled and thoroughly drowned slugs.
Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
quote:Originally posted by discodamage: [QUOTE]godawful snorton of a programme would mark a long dark night of the soul for most cogent people, wouldnt it?
sorry but i cant have a word said against our beautiful ally. Take piss if u will, we could do big bro vs ally. Where one deals with real life issues like torretts syndrome and life in a law firm. The other deals with the way people treat each other in a non-existant un-realistic environment, where the views expressed are tainted by the fact that they need to appear like cool people for the benefit of making the general public feel better about their sad little lives!
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Astro: your faded teen memories make me feel GOOD about the ridiculously detailed memories I have stored up. Although I can no longer remember where I bought it and how much it cost for ALL of my CDs.
Tefland: I think Thorn would come across poorly during speed dating; he'd probably ask a really inappropriate question, babble incoherently for the remaining 3 and a half minutes and then knock over a drink for good measure. In another situation, he'd probably be able to come back from that, but the ruthless time limit of speeding would kill his chances. dead.
Dang: re bugs n crawlies. I found a fist sized spider under my pillow the other night. It's a good thing I'm not one of those girly girls who scweams at insects/arachnids. I'd add Daddy Long Legs to your list though; the way they aim DIRECTLY for your hair, clearly planning on scrabbling up your ear hole and penetrating your brain, means that vegetarians can kill them with a translucent conscience.
ETA: what the fuck is that purple-knickered one on about?
[ 30.09.2004, 10:44: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
It's an excuse to the accusation that he is driving vaseline shares up.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Dang that is.
Oh fucking nobcheese.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Perhaps the thing that kicked me off on my retro-teen-thought-pattern was my beloved first guitar. Yes - the black Les Paul copy in the pic of VirginMisc™. Aged sixteen, I hacked and chopped pieces off it in order to fit an effects pedal into the body of the guitar. The project worked, but I never had the chance to use
Last night, I started work on the Les Paul's latest incarnation. This time it is free of effects, but fitted with a battery powered fan in place of the neck pickup, which will automatically play the strings. When it's finished, it will be sprayed matt black, and completed with some lovely new matt chrome hardware.
Oh shag. I'm still sixteen, aren't I? Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: ETA: what the fuck is that purple-knickered one on about?
ode to a lump of putty i found in my armpit one midsummer morning!
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
How does one go about wringing one's own neck?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by scrawny: How does one go about wringing one's own neck?
Personally, I favour the double-reacharound technique. I find the additional tightness can be quite pleasant.
Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
quote:Personally, I favour the double-reacharound technique. I find the additional tightness can be quite pleasant.
and the sensation of vertibrae popping and dislocating is just like, wow! twist it baby twist it!
Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
quote:ETA: what the fuck is that purple-knickered one on about? [/QB]
sorry supernoodles i'd rather be eating jemima Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Where are you from, funkypurplepants?
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
My god if I could get together with the "Silver Age Me" (I have only really managed the first page of this thread and for Ben's information, "Golden Age" would really have to be an earlier period) it would be a cataclysmic crossover. With the ambition, energy and rangy skills of the younger version -- back when I was getting grade A at art, french, german, maths, even physics -- combined with the BruceWayne-like cultural and intellectual (even moderate financial) capital of the "Modern Age" kovacs, fucking hell I could mentor my young self into a world-smashing bullet.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Someone really clever could probably put together a short story where, say, four different ages of the same character come together and try to direct each other - so the eldest would look down on the younger ones and try to tell them where they went wrong and the youngest would tell the older ones how dull they were for being grown up and so on.
God, that would be horribly complicated and would have to be written by a genius of some sort. My teenage self could have done it easily.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
That's an interesting idea. Some bastard offspring of me and me.
[ 30.09.2004, 12:57: Message edited by: scrawny ]
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
Advice from me to me.
Don't pretend you've kissed someone before so you have to kiss evil Richard to back it up don't even think about buying that rugby shirt don't pretend Dr. Martens are a fashion statement don't allow that man to take you outside don't have that fourth pint of Strongbow don't buy that colour eyeshadow and definitely don't wear it whatever you do don't get caught don't listen to Sara Ellershaw don't crash your Mum's car because you were too busy arguing with Ellie to notice don't worry about failing your music exams it's not that important don't forget mothers day again don't tell your sister she was adopted don't let those kids get to you don't be fooled by those Italian men don't forget your first aiding don't make the mistake of thinking you can only fall in love once don't be scared to run away don't touch drugs…well maybe a few drugs but no speed, alright don't think that because people have better jeans than you they're cooler than you don't take any shit from Tony Robinson's son don't let that rascist fucker into your house don't miss your 9 o'clock lecture every week for a year don't be a snob about working in a launderette it's the best job you've ever had don't accept absinthe from an Iraqi don't think you have to carry people all of the time don't tell your lecturer you have narcolepsy when you're just really stoned don't hang out with Rob and Pete they're bad for your head don't miss Mr. Scruff at the Medicine Bar don't go out with Jim - really don't go out with Jim don't regret leaving don't believe any man who claims to have split up with his wife whilst looking the opposite way don't drink that white russian don't let Sam talk you into staying don't fear Greeks bearing gifts don't be bothered by cultural difference don't get addicted to the internet don't let Zettie get to you don't make any more of that no points soup, it's soul-destroying don't beat yourslef up about your grades don't got to the pub, you need to learn about the 18th Century don't be scared of a new country don't obsess about your weight don't make everybody else suffer your own relationship issues don't accept spliffs off Ben don't get wound up by French teenagers don’t be scared to take a chance don't laugh at the sinking duck don't get so emotional don't work weekends if you can help it don't be battered into admin by people scared of change don't forget to accept criticism don't forget to be supportive don't think other people's issues are your fault don't leave the door unlocked and don't whatever you do pigeonhole yourself too early.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Yes - the black Les Paul copy in the pic of VirginMisc™.
Oh shag. I'm still sixteen, aren't I?
Give us a before and after Misc™. So we may joke about the differences.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
Edit: DP
Its all going to shit today...
[ 30.09.2004, 14:34: Message edited by: squeegy ]
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
quote: I'd also like to point out that having your hair braided before your graduation ceremony guarantees that you will be recorded, beaming, forever on mother's mantelpiece looking like Predator in a frock.
Louche just made me almost-laugh for the first time in her life.
Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Where are you from, funkypurplepants?
sorry for the delay but i am only here while at work, in answer to your question i am a londoner born an bred, u?
Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
my teenage self was roughly 3 months again (Again?! What sort of fucking type is that. ugh, ago.). In three months I have decided...not much. Well, except that now I've passed the teenage mark, I suddenly feel like I'm trying a lot harder in everything to get back to my goldenage of 15, where a budding career in tv journalism after the appearance on newsround still seemed possible. I won at squash yesterday 4-1 for instance, with more effort in one match than I put into playing the whole of last year. I will learn scales on my guitar. I will go to all my lectures.
FIRST WEEK OF TERM OPTIMISM. YES.
ot: Scrawny, I went to mr Scruffs fifth birthday at the music box in manc last june, it was very good. I am going again on saturday! Not to his fifth birthday obviously. just his nite. er. ye.
[ 01.10.2004, 07:43: Message edited by: jnhoj ]
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: How come so many people are 'scared' of clowns? And loads more are scared of spiders for fuck's sake.
Yesterday I was scared of seaweed, a stick and a feather floating in the sea because in my mind they were jellyfish and a weird upside-down floating dying fish like we saw in the sea the other time. I was also scared of stones on the bottom of the sea for being mind-sea-anemones. But then yesterday I was in Spain.
Today I am scared of going back to work, my bank balance, and the fact that I look like I have the mumps due to a staggering fourteen (14) mosquito bites!
I think teenage me would be pleased with my life overall. Possibly annoyed about the debt, impressed by the cute guys I've dated, would think my flat, clothes and cats were great, be chuffed that my big sister is still my best friend but wonder why I never did run off to Spain with SpanishJason when I was 18. Actually, when we were on holiday I was discussing with Amp about that whole scenario and how different my life would have been if I had gone to Spain with him rather than staying in England with EnglishJason, trying to retake my Drama A-Level, taking loads of drugs, moving out of home in a flurry of door slamming... I don't really "do" regret but I do wonder what path my life would have taken if I'd made a different decision at that point.
[ 01.10.2004, 10:34: Message edited by: Uber Trick ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I'm telling you this... whoever finally gets round to inventing a time machine is going to do absolutely storming business. They'll be biwyonaires. For about 3 minutes till some halfwit customer stands on a butterfly in 1982 or something and changes the fucking future. God, those fucking halfwit customers get on your tits don't they?
Posted by turbo (Member # 593) on :
I think teenage me would love to go shopping with present-day me. Having money to spend and a car to take me wherever I want to go would have been incredibly cool to teenage me. Turbo Man would have made teenage me very shy. I would probably be a bit disappointed that I'm not leading a thrilling jet set lifestyle or being all artistic in a hovel in the Latin quarter in Paris, but owning a house in the suburbs instead.
I can't really remember what my ideas about the future were, but I know with absolute certainty that I didn't dream about my current life!
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you need to get over yourself! now shut it or i will rite boy racer meets babyboy racer and embarrasss you totally.
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If I'd tripped and bumped my head in the dark then that slug could've been eating me! Think of that. A spider, though, would just keep the flies off till I was found. And a clown would just poke my leg a bit with his toe, from a metre away, to see if I was alive, then take me to hospital in his car.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)