quote: A 21-year-old Perth man is lucky to be alive after having his stomach ripped open during a beer-skolling game using a home-made device powered by an electric pump.
The drinking game at a 21st birthday party in a southern suburb 10 days ago went badly wrong, rupturing the man's stomach and forcing beer straight into his abdomen.
The man, who is in St John of God Hospital in Murdoch and spent a week in intensive care fighting for his life, was among a group of friends at a private party who used the device.
Is it just me, or does "St John of God Hospital in Murdoch" sound like something out of Brass Eye.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
That's just so... Australian.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I accidentally saw an interview on BBC local (London) news that was clearly directed by Chris Morris. The wannabe-Paxman presented swivelled excitedly between Head of London Trains and Random Bloke at Charing Cross- "he says YOU have dirty trains!"....."he says YOU make the trains dirty!" It was embarrassing.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I've got a massive hangover.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I've started the hottest topic of the day. Do I win a prize?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I've got a more massive hangover than Benway.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
oh really? This is a proper Guiness & Cava earthquake of a hangover. I feel like my eyeballs are about to burst out of my head, but that wouldn't be so bad if it could relieve the cranial pressure that is rendering me almost deaf. Everything is swimming and I can't turn my head without wanting to vomit, yet I've been awake and drinking tea and water for four hours now. I've got the shakes, my eyes are blood red and I don't think that I'm ever going to recover. Ever. In fact, it's getting worse as the morning progresses.
[ 15.12.2004, 06:06: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
If your hangovers teamed up and got in the ring with my hangover you wouldn't last a fucking round, you soft bastards. I'm telling you, this one's fucking nails. Just sit down, sunshine.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
My hangover is quite small, but distressing. I've already eaten a smoked salmon and cream cheese beigel - should I eat some macaroni cheese as well, or is that just taking the piss? Will I do a sick into my bin? Would that be at all funny, or just vile? Once I ate macaroni cheese and did a sick into the sink in our bathroom. I was only a little girl so it was ok, and I didn't have to clear it up. My dad did, but hours - maybe even days - later. That's grody. What's the best sick you ever did, forum? My first ever alcohol-related sick was rather classy - I sicked Martini sick out of the window on a train back from a party the next day, but the sick got blown against the window so we had to sit there looking at my sick on the window all the way back to Bromley. Which was nice. This other time my parents were driving me and Uber to see our other sister up in Leeds. We were all singing along to my dad's Queen CD - I was still drunk - and then I quickly unwound the window and sicked up out of it. The best bit was the way the car behind - which had been totally riding our tail - suddenly dropped back as the sick hit his windscreen. Transport sicks! The very best kind. Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I've got prickle goosebump shivers alternating with swamping hot flushes, a headache concentrated in the base of my skull yet expanding spider fingers of pain every time I so much as think about moving faster than a tortoise with slowness disease and a complexion the white-grey of underwear washed in Ecover-not-very-good-but-environmentally-friendly washing powder. I am alsoin work which makes my hangover stratospherically worse, and I am in work solely because said hangover is completely attributable to work's do. Three people have called in sick. Two have said sorry, blatant hangover, book it as leave. One, who was last seen crooning in a karioke bar in Deansgate with the guy from Business Management, is claiming 'migraine'.
Posted by jnhoj (Member # 286) on :
its wednesday i dont think you should really have hangovers, I'm feeling better now, the worst is gone hurrah!
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I don't have a hangover. Who wants to touch me.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
I don't have a hangover either and am about to take milk thistle in preparation for tonight's do.
Does anyone want to call me a foolish, smug bastard and predict that I'll be wincing on the other side of my face tomorrow?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
The best/worst Alcohol related vomiting I've encountered was probably when I attended my grandfather's cremation. The night before, I went out drinking with my Welsh cousin, and suffered at the hands of what my uncle described as a "bad pint". The puking started first thing in the morning, but I didn't want to do it in the house so that my aunt, uncle etc could hear. I went outside to find a discreet hedge, but I couldn't, and before I knew it, I'd puked chips all over their neighbour's drive. Whatever. I went back in the house, and lay down in bed, but I had to get up to be sick another two or three times, so that I no longer had anything left in my stomach. Still feeling like death, I put on my suit for the funeral, and after one last small retch, I got in the car. The neighbour was hosing down his drive. My uncle drove to the funeral.
I was sick every twenty minutes until five o'clock in the evening. Sick during the funeral, the wake, everything. After exhausting my bile, I ended up bringing up this bitter white foam, and I'd retched so much that my whole upper body was burning. I seemed to stay locked at the very moment of puking for hours, bent over, face frozen. That was a truly, truly dark day.
I was about nineteen or twenty when that happened, and since then I've had that kind of violent reaction about ten times. It feels like something beyond a hangover, and it is the worst I have ever felt in my life.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
I don't have one either. I spent last night playing badminton, followed by cleaning the house so it wasn't too bad when the cleaner came today.
My first ever alcohol related sick was out of a first floor window onto the roof of a conservatory below. Bet that was hard to clean off!
Posted by funkypurplepants (Member # 746) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: Who wants to touch me.
OOOH, me, me
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
that sounds pretty bad, Louche. What were you drinking?
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Good lord.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I notice this thread hasn't had any bowel-related content from Boy Racer as yet. Surely some mistake?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Feels like you've got something alive inside your head? Something big, maybe a giraffe. Calm down, boy. My gulliver is Noah's fucking ark in a storm. They're having a disco in there. It's the Christmas season and, guess what, they're not used to it. No code at all. Baboons humping hippos, howling wolves on the karaoke like a proper pair of pricks. There's two elephants spit roasting an ostrich. And it's all going on in a bloody great wooden boat, being tossed around my cage like a fucking pinball.
[ 15.12.2004, 06:29: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Wine. Just wine. The evil, evil grape of doom. The grape is a vicious little fucker and it has designs on mt sanity. I am currently contemplating two things 1) how to get vitamins intravenously into my system in one huge reviving whack and 2)if Carol Vorderman's 30 Day Detox is worth a shot.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I don't really do alcohol anymore, but I've just been given three bottles of Oxford Landings Cabernet Sauvignon as a gift from my employer. Does anyone know if this will be good enough to cook with.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Something big, maybe a giraffe.
I had to fit a dog door thing the other day so the ridiculous puppy thing can go and wee all over my garden whenever it wants. Mrs Dang said it was very nicely fitted but did I think it would let a giraffe in? Is this a common issue with pet doors?
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I haven't had any serious incidents in this Christmas party season, which is pretty good. I hit the deck pretty hard outside East Croydon station on Friday, and I was on the phone so I didn't put my hands out - just ploughed into the ground face first. It didn't hurt much at the time. Other than that, it's been relatively restrained and with only two more events to go, I reckon I could make it through Xmas 2004 without disgracing myself in a catastrophic manner. We shall see.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Dang, can you make a photo of your ridiculous puppy thing come on the internet?
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Wine. Just wine. The evil, evil grape of doom. The grape is a vicious little fucker and it has designs on mt sanity. I am currently contemplating two things 1) how to get vitamins intravenously into my system in one huge reviving whack and 2)if Carol Vorderman's 30 Day Detox is worth a shot.
1)Seek out a juice bar and have something, fresh, frothing and preferably lurid green. Then get yourself a big bunch of bananas and about a gallon of green tea and sip/nibble for the rest of the afternoon. I realise that this would involve moving from your desk to procure these things.
2) No.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
What sort of dog did you end up with Dang?
I was going to fit a catflap for Dave, but by the time I got round to thinking about it, Dave had started coming in and out of the dining room fan light window. So I didn't bother.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
My best sick was when I was on a pill at a party. I'd been feeling a bit queasy for a while, and I was concerned about the queasiness: it seemed to reflect an underlying mental unease and weird sense of being disconnected from the world. I slunk off to the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bath, gripping the cool enamel with my clammy palms, taking deep breaths of fusty bathroom air, and then suddenly I was poised over the lavatory, directing a perfect jet of partially digested pizza right into the centre of the bowl. Because I was pilling, I didn't feel at all distressed by this recent turn of events: I kind of disinterestedly watched my body doing the sicking, stood up, got a headrush like bunjeeing off the Forth Road Bridge, wiped my mouth, took a slug of water, and then bounced out of the bathroom into the party again, feeling purged and fresh and back in charge. It was brilliant: a truly enjoyable sick experience. 9/10.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I sometimes toy with the notion of giving up drink for January. Except for my best bud's birthday. And other key events.
This is in a vague attempt to a) halt the ever-expanding girth bulging over my pants b) save money c) put a temporary stop to 'post-alcohol depression' and d) temporarily halt the ever speeding ageing process.
Has anyone ever done such foolish endeavour, and did it enhance life or make it even more unbearable than before?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I think I've told the story of my most lurid vomit before. It was after a work xmas bash at a tapas bar. Equal amounts of red and white wine were ordered, before it was noticed that I was the only one (of twelve) drinking red. I ate lots of tapas and drank two bottles of expensive grape juice.
Outside the restaurant a few moments later, it became apparent that tapas is quite colourful.
Soon after, the station platform was introduced to the same information. As I ran for my train, the occupants' gazes flicked between my wretched corpse and the clock, obviously hoping the train would pull away before the-man-who-could-simultaneously-run-and-spew-red-sick could board.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
On my worst ever hangover I was sick in the middle of the following afternoon in the middle of university in bright daylight on the ground outside the library. I had hesitated too long trying to decide if I could make it as far as the library toilets. Then I had to get 4 buses home because I had to get off every 5 mins. This can be entirely attributed to buying a bottle of vodka "for later" before going to the pub for 10 hours, then drinking the vodka.
I am anticipating a fun hangover next Wednesday as a friend who was kicked out of the country 4 years ago after overstaying her visa "a little bit" is going to come and visit - hopefully! So look out for that hangover watchers!
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
Probably my best sick was in the JCR (Junior Common Room) of what was at the time a swanky new building at University. For some reason it only had one, beautifully white-tiled toilet. For some other reason I went to a party there, drank too much red wine and had to queue nauseously for about 10 mins for the toilet.
Whereupon I spray vomited in bright red over three of the four walls, which I imagine rendered the toilet unusable for anyone else. Not a very pithy anecdote, more of a visual gag really....
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
ps. Herbs, sounds like a good plan. I've never consciously given up. But I did stop drinking *during* *the* *week* for a considerable period, which was only broken when one of my best friends informed me that she's taking a job in a war zone a couple of weeks ago and sort of forced me to drink tequila with her.
Improves quality of life no end. Especially the vague cloud of depression.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Has anyone ever done such foolish endeavour, and did it enhance life or make it even more unbearable than before?
I gave up drinking for a month in January 2003. It wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought - I was able to go out to the pub and happily drink soft drinks all evening. The only time it was a bit of a bind was on my best friend's birthday, where 10 of us went out for a meal and everyone else got really merry and I didn't feel quite as caught up in the atmosphere as I would have normally been. Also, Julian was a really annoying drunk and the only way to cope with her was to be as drunk as she was. Other than that, not a big deal.
The benefits weren't huge though. Didn't feel any better than I do if I just don't drink mid-week. Financially I was a little better off, but when dinner gets split 10 ways regardless of whether you were drinking or not, it's a neglible improvement. More than anything I just wanted to see whether I had the willpower to do it, and I did, so that was slightly satisfying. Other than that, no big difference. Oh - and one other thing: no matter how bad you think Monday is when you've had a heavy weekend, it's ten times worse when you're stone cold sober and have to live every single second of it in pin-sharp, crystal clear work-o-vision. *shudder*.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
The dog! Yes I wondered about the dog a while ago - tell us dog stories Dang!
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: Dang, can you make a photo of your ridiculous puppy thing come on the internet?
Don't be fooled by the fake cuteness, by the way. Even Mrs Dang has been discussing ways of disposing of him recently.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
No chance of giving it away as a secret santa now.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Headache is slowly dissipating now, and I'm starting to feel a bit frisky. Good times are on the way.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Oh that's so cute. So cute so cute. *licks screen*. I ate the macaroni cheese and it RULED! I might eat another one. And Astro, that sick-when-pilling thing - my sister goes on about that. Like how sometimes you have to do a big poo or a little sick when you're coming up? (Well that's what she says - I don't really do drugs.*) She talks about how when vampires, when their bodies die, they do loads of sicks and poos and things, purging themselves of all their human fluids, or something? (It's some Anne Rice thing - I don't really do vampire novels.) And she says it's your body purging yourself before entering the shiny glittery happy world of being 'high on drugs'.
* anymore
[ 15.12.2004, 07:51: Message edited by: London ]
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: And she says it's your body purging yourself before entering the shiny glittery happy world of being 'high on drugs'.
Nothing to do with the adrenaline hitting your intestines and throwing them into a state of panic then.
Next time you meet someone whose bowel has just spontaneously evacuated itself due to sheer terror/asthma attack (not all that frequent an occurence I grant you), don't forget to remind them it's just their body purging itself in preparation for ecstasies to come....
She sounds fun, your sister. Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
The residents of Finsbury park seem to do quite a lot of preparation right outside my house. At least now I know that they've entered some kind of nirvana as a result of spraying liquid shit all over the pavement.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
ew! Finsbury Park sounds horrible. At least in Thornliebank, whilst there's a constant 67% chance of getting chibbed on your way to the Spar, people know about toilets and stuff.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
Although I did once discover a large human poo curled under an old copy of the Sun in the stairway of the tenement I used to live in. That was quite grim.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
sorry. I'll stop talking about excretia now.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I think that the lesson there is don't look under newspapers that have been left in stairwells. What can you possibly hope to find that might be in some way 'good'?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I have eaten a bio live yoghurt, a cheese salad, a banana and about three pounds of grapes! And I have drunk half a litre of Marks and Sparks bestest orange juice. And I have accidentally given up smoking. So now I am feeling rather smug and well. Herbs, I gave up drinking for six months a couple of years ago and noticed very little difference, other than a tendency to leave parties early due to the fact that people mouthing off in a slurred way about the size of their bloke's balls is all very entertaining when you're several voddies to the wind, but actually as interesting as squashed turd when you're sober. I did get thinner, though.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: I think that the lesson there is don't look under newspapers that have been left in stairwells. What can you possibly hope to find that might be in some way 'good'?
Page 3?
The thing that always shocks, upon encountering a human poo in an unusual context, is how bloody big the things are.
[ 15.12.2004, 08:04: Message edited by: London ]
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
there was a persistent smell! I was trying to discover its source. You're right though: I won't be doing that again.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Also, OJ that was you? Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: ... I did get thinner, though.
Good enough for me.
Someone prepared themselves pretty thoroughly on the stairs up to my flat recently. And were so prepared they'd even garnished the vast turd with bog roll.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
that's taking the piss. Doesn't your neighbour throw water everywhere any more?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: She talks about how when vampires, when their bodies die, they do loads of sicks and poos and things, purging themselves of all their human fluids, or something?
No, that is called 'giving birth' and is meant to make sproggage easier. What is actually does is embarrass everyone in the room except for the midwife.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Benway... re neighbour
Periodically. I think he became disheartened. Maybe there was a rota, and he found himself always the one doing it. Though sometimes the water also contains bleach, so somebody in the rota is very keen.
[ 15.12.2004, 08:16: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
That dog is adorable. Just look at its little white beard! I want.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
it's only sensible if people are going to be using the area as a toilet.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I often wonder, and Im not sure I actually want an answer, how in stories that contain a line similar to "and there was a human turd just sitting there!" you actually tell the difference between a human turd and say that of a large dog.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
you just know
and - you often wonder? *ok-ay*
[ 15.12.2004, 08:34: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Seriously, not even a large dog does poos as big a human poos! They're massive! Someone did one in our yard when I lived in South London.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I used to wonder that too! But the turd had a distinctive human quality to it. Either that, or it was produced by a Great Dane or one of those other dogs that look like small horses.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Also, dogs aren't likely to cover it up afterwards, or use bog roll.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
quote: and - you often wonder? *ok-ay*
Well, as often as I hear storied about human turds, you know.
Posted by OJ (Member # 752) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Also, OJ that was you?
Yup. Must have been not so long before I made the fateful switch to neat vodka - thereby ensuring that a) everyone thought I was dead hard and b) evenings were usually ended by crawling up the stairs to my room on hands and knees.
These days I'm a G&T girl, if anyone's buying ;-)
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I think everyone blamed Jake. But this is never a bad thing.
Isn't the progression from deathly to okay a wonderful thing? Emerging from lunch, newborn with enthusiasm and the knowledge that a decent shower is all that stands between the self and normality.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I wouldn't know. I've had a second wave of pain and nausea, and things still feel a bit wobbly, like there's a delay between an image entering my eyes and actually seeing that thing. Like I'm piloting a human craft rather than acutally being myself. It's not nice.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Your hangover wins, Benway, as it sounds as though you are tentatively entering the territory of the all-day hangover. These appalling things should be treated with the level of extreme respect they deserve. You need to nurture and nourish your hangover and dream, flatly, and without enthusiasm, of a return to your ratty bed, where you can twist and turn with foul and bilious spittle dribbling from your jaws to soil the pillows.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I need to be gently taken outside and shot in the back of the head. That's the only real cure for this mess.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Perhaps a Bloody Mary would be preferable to the whole, like, death thing? Which is generally irreversible.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Poor Benway
I would suggest ignoring all suggestions. Nothing will work apart from time, sleep, water and paracetamol. If it is that bad, I would think that tomorrow you may not still feel ill, but you will be incredibly vague all day and when you turn your head quickly, your eyes will still take half a second longer to catch up.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
I'm going to self-medicate with fried chicken and ice cold lager tonight. Together, those two can cure anything.
Posted by damo (Member # 722) on :
it needs to be hot chicken
Posted by Bandy (Member # 12) on :
Nice dog, Dang. It looks like mine did before it grew up, got the mentality and started biting children.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Bandy: Nice dog, Dang. It looks like mine did before it grew up, got the mentality and started biting children.
It's started doing that already. In fact, the only person it doesn't bite is me, but that's probably because it knows instinctively what I would do to it if it did. Clever bastards, them hounds.
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