Hey forum, I wanted to get your opinion on whether to report a crime or not. Actually, I'm not sure if a "crime" has been committed or not, so let's start there.
Last night after I'd been out and had a few drinks I was tail-gated into my flat. The man followed me through my security entrance door and got into the lift with me. I asked him what floor he wanted, he told me a random number, I pressed the button for his floor then mine and as the doors closed he tried to attack me. He was pushing me back against the lift doors and trying to touch me, grabbing at my body etc but I fought back and tried to scratch his face with my door keys. He was stronger than me and easily threw me off but luckily I also managed to press all the lift buttons so it opened again on the ground floor and a female neighbour heard me shouting and opened her front door. The man ran off and she let me into her flat and fed me brandy and unfiltered cigarettes.
Should I report this to the police? My description of my attacker would be "young black bloke wearing a blue hooded top" and I don't know that I would recognise him again. My neighbour didn't get a clear look at him either. Is this something that you would report?
Turns out my phone was lost / stolen too. I phoned it last night and someone answered and said they were taking it to Camden Police Station but I just phoned them and nothing has been handed in yet.
While I'm ranting: My sink is blocked and my toilet door has fallen off its hinge and the council won't fix it til Tuesday. Sometimes life really sucks.
So, do you think that I should report my almost attack to the police or should I chalk it down to experience?
[ 17.12.2004, 04:35: Message edited by: Uber Trick ]
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
[ 17.12.2004, 03:52: Message edited by: Uber Trick ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Sorry to hear that Uber.
Yes you should report it. Not because there's a guarantee the guy will be caught and sentenced, but because it might fit in with a pattern of similar attacks in the area, and any info might help the Police. They are trained in asking questions that might help your description become better.
At the very least, other people in your building should be warned and the issue of security raised.
God, I hate lifts.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
The only time I've been attacked, my parents pretty much insisted I went to the police. I wish I hadn't bothered. I had to go through the whole thing again in my witness statement (and put my name to the document which was riddled with spelling and grammar errors), then schlep off in the car to another station where they took photos of my mashed up face. Then I drove to another station and went through about 100 or so mug shots failing to identify a single one of my attackers. The police were polite, and helpful, but with me having no idea who attacked me and not really able to describe any of them there wasn't much that could be done.
I suppose if you're OK about going through the events in great detail you might feel better about reporting the crime - and it may help if the guy gets pulled up on something similar - but, you know. Yeah.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Poor Oobs... How're you feeling now?
Posted by Boy Racer (Member # 498) on :
What Vogon said.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
To be honest my inclination is not to bother. My neighbour thought it was to do with the crack dealer that was evicted off the first floor a while back. She lives on the ground floor and is often hassled by people trying to get to him - her flat is a virtual vault with bars on all windows and doors. I just don't know if I can be bothered with all the hassle of going to the police. I'm tired, shaken and hungover. Luckily I am working from home this morning. I am happy to stick a sign on the communal notice board about it but then if I don't report it I feel guilty - what if I heard about another girl who was attacked at 2am and didn't have nice neighbours around...
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: if I don't report it I feel guilty - what if I heard about another girl who was attacked at 2am and didn't have nice neighbours around...
Well, not bothering because you don't think it'll make any difference and not bothering because it'll take up your time are different things. Might be worth giving your local station a ring to find out what their procedure on this is; will they come to your house to take a statment? How long will it take?
I would say assaulting a lone female like this is more serious than mugging for a mobile phone, or a drunken fight on the street, or an attempted break-in.
Posted by philomel (Member # 586) on :
Definitely report it to the police. And stick a sign on your notice board. If there were men going around doing that sort of thing in my area, I'd like to know that everything was being done to stop it and protect me and my friends.
There might not be much the police can do if it's an isolated incident, but as VP said, it could be connected with other things and form the last piece of a puzzle.
Haven't you posted before saying this sort of thing (although not to that extent) happens quite often outside your flats? Do the police patrol the area at all? I don't have any tips on protecting yourself (especially as the attacker is much stronger) but maybe the police could advise you in any case. Perhaps if there's been a spate of attacks in the area then they'll actually be able to do something.
I don't know, but I reckon report it. Can't do any harm at any rate.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
I really think you should report it. Then you'll know you did what you could to stop it happening to someone else, so you won't feel terrible if you hear about another woman being attacked in similar circumstances, even if he's not identified as a result of your going to the police. Like Vogon said, it might have happened before, and anything you can remember could turn out to be useful.
Poor you. Is there anyone that could come round and keep you company?
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
No, my sister is at work. I have to go to work later. I just want to go back to bed. Do I have to do it now?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
fucking hell uber! Are you ok? I wish I lived near you - I'd come round and make you tea with a bit of whisky in it.
I think you should report it. Most definitely. And don't worry about not having a good description to give to the police - if you tell them the route you took andd the point at which you became aware of being followed, they may be able to check whether there is any CCTV in that area and could check it out. Even if not, this still needs to be reported. Maybe this bloke is kind of banking on it not being reported and being able to carry on doing stuff like this.
God, I hope you're ok missus.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: Do I have to do it now?
No, I don't think you have to do it now, although it might be an idea to phone your local station to find out what the procedure is. Maybe jot down everything you can remember, whilst it's still quite fresh in your mind, then go back to bed for a few hours before calling into the station later. I think you could also phone work and tell them what happened: they might say you can take the day off.
[ 17.12.2004, 05:25: Message edited by: Astromariner ]
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
but I was hella drunk, won't the police be judgemental?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
no I don't think that they will be uber - it's the christmas party season. Maybe this bloke has been waiting to take advantage of tipsy party going females on their way home from office parties and the like. if anything, the police should take it even more seriously as there are going to be lots of tipsy party going females on their way home from office parties around for a few weeks yet.
Posted by Astromariner (Member # 446) on :
No way - this is absolutely not your fault, or your responsibility: it sounds like it would've happened whether you were drunk or not. In any case, you might have had a few drinks, but not so many that you couldn't look after yourself: you did manage to fend him off and escape.
Posted by scrawny (Member # 113) on :
No - you were attacked. You didn't know him. It's not like they're going to accuse you of turning a friendly chat in the lift into a fabricated tale of assault.
Uber - report it. Absolutely. Take a couple of Syndol and git yo ass down the police station. These ***** just don't stop, and I refuse absolutely to admit that we live in the world when a girl is attacked in her own building and there's 'no point' reporting it to the police. Like you say, you'll feel guilty if it happens again. What if it happens again to AMP when she's coming to see you? Not even worthe thinking about.
Oh, and CYI. Big hug hon. Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Well it's not illegal to be drunk at the end of a night out; it is illegal to attack someone.
It's fortunate that you've got the neighbour as a possible witness; she should be able to verify times and stuff.
I know it seems like a tedious, pointless prolonging of the misery to report it, but these fucking cunries shouldn't be allowed to go round assaulting people in their own homes. By ensuring his actions are officially logged, it's like you're getting a little bit of power back against him. Difficult to describe but, you know, his actions will have some kind of consequence that may eventually catch up with him.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
I know, I know you're all right, that is exactly what I would tell someone to do if they told me what I told you guys, I guess... I guess I just don't want to do it on my own is all
Also, no scrawnymail - did you gmail it honey?
Posted by Octavia (Member # 398) on :
Uber, that sounds horrendous - good vibes coming your way (at the risk of sounding 'baggy, e-drink'n'cig too).
I think you should report it. As much as anything else, if people don't report crime then the police don't have to do anything about it, and can concentrate on lucrative road-traffic offences. If crimes are reported, and enough crimes, then they have to act or their clear-up rates look crap. Also, this is probably going to sound revoltingly clinical, but did you get any skin or hair or anything when you were fighting him? I don't know what the police in your area would do about it, but I think there's a general policy to gather DNA samples where possible.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Nope no DNA type stuff, it was more pushing him away. I don't think it lasted very long. I dunno the more I talk about the less real it all seems.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Oh, good point Octavia! If this was CSI, they would send someone hot (see below) round to get DNA samples off your keys.
Not sure if they have a CSI unit full of hotties in Hackney, but you never know. Posted by Neurotic Cat (Member # 756) on :
Sorry to hear whats happened Uber. Well done for fighting him off!
Some very good advice offered already but I think writing it all down while its still fresh in your mind is a really good idea.
Also I know I wouldnt want to go to work after something like that happened. If theres any chance your work wont be sympathetic (although I think its unlikely) I'd be tempted to call in sick if you can.
Regarding the police you might feel better once you've spoken to them about it. If its something thats happened before maybe it might spur them/local authority into action to get better security at your building?
Its a shite state of affairs that things like this happen and I'm glad you're ok.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Thats horrible.
Maybe you could just call the local station and let them know that something happened, and arrange to go in later/tommorow when you are feeling better.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Very sorry to hear about that Uber -- it sounds absolutely horrible and you seem to be admirably calm and collected about it. If it were me I'd be feeling mildly traumatised for some time. Partly for that reason -- because maybe you will feel some emotional repercussions -- I definitely echo the advice to go to the police and take other pro-active steps. I think it might help you to feel you are "doing something" about it, and taking some form of control. You don't seem to be feeling like a victim at all but I think doing nothing might make you regard yourself as a helpless target whereas reporting it and trying to make sure other women don't have the same experience casts you in a positive, decisive role.
I am not at my best today so I hope the above makes sense.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
I saw the message this morning to your sister and was immediately shocked into thinking something nasty had happened - I am glad you got away lightly and good for you for fighting back! It's bloody horrible being attacked like that - it has s happened to me as you know - it scarred me for a long time (but the sympathy from my ladyfriends was good medicine - i suggest you find something similar for comforting)
But seriously Ubes, don't go to work today - have a day off and just chill for a bit. And importantly, do go to the police, as this guy does need to be reported. It doesn't matter that you had been out partying, as has been said that is not illegal. It may be a long shot, but say the guy tried to attack someone else and was arrested - your coming forward could ensure his conviction.
But more to the point, you have been atacked by someone and under no circumstances should they be allowed to just get away with it - it might seem hopeless now, but let the police know so they can at least put the word out.
Just glad you are alright grrl
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Uber - you should go to the police (or better still, have them come to you, since that way they can talk to your neighbour at the same time and you aren't put to the additional trauma of going there). If a relative or friend could come and be with you for that that would be great, also if you need some company tonight.
Also, let your work know what happened and don't go in if you don't feel up to it. Talking about it makes it real to you and means that you can start to deal with it instead of suppressing it and burying it. It also probably builds your credibility in the event that there ever comes to be a prosecution.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Thank you everyone. I have just spoken to the police and someone is coming round in the next couple of hours. My boss is an angel and said if I want to go in then I can come to work and chill out (I live on my own so I like the company of having people around) or she said I can stay at home, whatever I want to do. I am going out with her tonight as planned anyway - she is my friend as well as my boss.
I have also just found out that the cunry who stole my mobile phone ran up £45 of calls to premium numbers before the phone was blacklisted. I can't find my insurance documents but I now have a nasty nagging feeling that it has expired so I will have to pay the cost of the cunry calls and the cost of a new hand set.
Anyway, thanks again for all your kind words, it really helped me get through this morning.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
What a BASTARD! You might not have to pay though: someone stole my wife's phone and called Thailand and spent like £200, and she didn't have to pay any of it.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Oh oobs, I am sorry. It's horrid to have that kind of thing happen, especially on your doorstep. It kind of bursts our bubble of security.
But as everyone has said, although you want it all to go away and feel that talking about it will just make it worse, in the long run it will make it better, and make you feel less helpless, as you've taken steps towards stoping it happening again, either to you or someone else.
(((hugs)))
Posted by 2@ (Member # 715) on :
Poor Uber - what a terrible thing to happen. I hope you feel better. I would report it, for reasons given by VP.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Quick scan read, sorry. Do report it if you can, because without coming forward, you'll never know if you will be part as a key witness to a series of ongoing crimes. I know it can seem tough and fruitless sometimes, but someone might be relying on you as a witness who didn't have the ability to defend themselves. Even a vague description is enough for them to pick up someone who looks similar and can lead on to an arrest. Sometimes criminals try to repeat the crime in the same area, wearing exactly the same clothes. Whatever you choose to do, I hope you are ok.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
I done reported it, thanks. Am waiting for the police to come round now. Had to hoover up the pine needles and everything. Do you offer to make them tea like on the tele?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I saw the message you posted for London last night, and thought about calling, before I realized the only number I might have had was probably your mobile . Certainly you should report it to the police and post a notice for your neighbors - we're glad you're all right, which is what's most important, though.
Posted by ally (Member # 600) on :
I just tried to ring your mobile, but its not taking calls. I've just had a "doh" moment.
I was going to say on this post, yes, call the police, but you've already done that, so good on ya.
Have you got anyone with you now? Is anyone coming round this evening? I live just up the road from you, and if you'd like some company I can call round on my way home from work if you want. RSVP.
I must say, stuff like this really boils my piss. Anger and indignation don't even come close to my reaction to incidents like this one. I temporarily join the hang 'em and flog 'em brigade.
Posted by damo (Member # 722) on :
thats fucking nasty. really fucking nasty.
report it. even if nothing comes of it, think of it as part of the "i've done something about this and i'm not letting that fucking **** off" process.
don't blame yourself for being drunk, don't think any of this is your fault, don't for one second apportion any blame anywhere near you or your actions.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Thank you ally, that is a very kind offer but I am meeting up with my boss later and going out - why should I let this ruined what I had planned, right? The thought of going out seems a bit weird right now but I'm not going to stay in forever or let it change my behaviour, I wasn't in the wrong. That is what I need to remember. Everything seems slightly odd today though. My mind keeps switching it from being a big deal to not being a big deal. I guess I'm just processing it. In the strange way my mind works I'm more annoyed about having my phone stolen! Two bad things in one night, how unlucky can one person be?! Jeez 2004 sucked pretty hard - can't wait to see the back of it! Thanks again ally. And everyone. You all rock.
Posted by ally (Member # 600) on :
It's probably worth remembering that during an assault your body floods itself with adrenalin. Your energy level goes up like a rocket. Most people aren't used to this, and the body and the mind both need time to process the endorphin rush, as well as dealing with the event itself. Under similar circumstances, I'd be in shock. It would kick in several hours after the event and take a few days to work itself out. There's a distinct possibility you're going through the same.
Be nice to yourself. Allow yourself space to be "out of sorts" for a little while. Strong sweet tea is a cliche for a reason, so put the kettle on. I'd also suggest that if you drink, don't do so to excess for the next few days. Your mind might play tricks on you when you're under the influence.
You've got absolutely the right attitude though. Well done for fighting back at the time, and for continuing with your plans for a night out.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
That's good advice, thanks. Yes, I'll be cutting back on the drinking fo 'sheez, especially when I have to get myself home. Shock, yes definitely, but I'm much better than I was this morning and talking to you guys has been more of a help than you can possibly imagine. My shoulders are so tense I'm almost wearing them as earrings but apart from that I think I'm doing ok all things given! Will be glad once the police have been though. Tomorrow I will get flowers for my lovely neighbour too. If she hadn't been awake and up god knows what could have happened. brr.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
lol - they sent me a hunky young policeman!
Posted by ally (Member # 600) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: lol - they sent me a hunky young policeman!
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Poor Uber. I have office wine; I am drinking an office wine for you, though.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I have office Bucks Fizz. And a nagging fear that I will do/say something very inappropriate...
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
The important bit: the police are reporting it as indecent assault which is arrestable. They said if I see him I must phone 999 and the police will come and arrest him. Starting to feel a bit weird about going out tonight now - I feel really vulnerable without my mobile phone, but I gotta do it. I have a rape alarm somewhere which I will dig out. Lightening doesn't strike twice etc etc.
Sorry, I hope you don't mind me using the boards in this way? It's really helped to keep me sane today.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: a nagging fear that I will do/say something very inappropriate...
isn't that the point of Christmas parties?
Even though our party was last week I keep getting emails back from people in the office saying "Did you enjoy the Christmas party then? How was your head the next day?!" and I don't even know half of these people. I think I must have enjoyed it too much or something Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
Only just seen this, I'm glad you're okay Uber and that the police have taken it seriously and all, out of interest do you carry any sort of mace/pepper spray type thing? I haven't a clue what's legal and what isn't to carry these days but such a thing might be worth investing in. I'm glad you're okay though, let's hope the keys gave him a nice scar that he'll find hard to explain away, small comfort I know considering the sort of scarring he deserves..
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
I don't carry any kind of spray thing Physic, not sure if I would want to or not... mixed emotions on that one. I didn't scratch him with my keys, I tried too but he knocked me back. But yes, I was gratified by the police being so good about it. I kind of feel a bit embarrassed though. I don't like a big fuss being made over me.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
O lol - to cap things off nicely, tonight myself, my boss and a few work colleagues left the pub, moved on to a club and walk slap bang into the publications manager out with his friends. And his girlfriend. You gotta laugh. I think at some point earlier on this year I accidentally walked into someone elses life. And it's really shit.
Posted by Flowerpot (Member # 761) on :
Report it, report it, report it. I can't emphasise this enough. Some twat stamped on my head once (literally) and although the swine got away with a fifty quid (?) fine for breaking my jaw, I try to satisfy myself with the fact that this is on record. CICA (Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority) helped some, but I'm not sure how this relates to the mental damage these fucks achieve without physical scars. Sorry to hear this, and I hope your attacker is quarantined. Indefinitely. ETA damn, got carried away there, glad you did....
[ 17.12.2004, 20:25: Message edited by: Flowerpot ]
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Thank you, flowerpot. Sorry to hear about your head stamping incident
It's so weird, I just can't understand what motivates people to do shit like that. I've been turning it over and over in my head. Why would a 20 y/o guy think it is cool / fun / thrilling / whatever to follow a girl home, into the lift and try to sexually assault her. It's not about sex is it, it must be... power? But it doesn't make any sense to me. Same with your head stamping. How can people do stuff like that? They must have some serious issues.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Report the publications manager for cheating on his girlfriend! Bastard.
Posted by Flowerpot (Member # 761) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: [QB] Thank you, flowerpot. Sorry to hear about your head stamping incident
No worries, it's not something that screwed me over. To be honest, I didn't help my case when I (poorly) rose to the challenge of leaping across a gap in a wall the following week and smashed my jaw (and seven teeth) in two further places whilst the investigations were going on... (turkey soup for christmas, Mmmm) Let's just say (as if you were unaware) that there is a number of utter twats out there. May you never come across one again. Fx
Posted by Flowerpot (Member # 761) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: I've been turning it over and over in my head.
This is not ultimately a worthwhile exercise. Such people are twisted in a way far unrecognisable that there is no reconciling their actions to any standard you may (or I at least) can understand. Don't trouble yourself to come up with a justification for such actions, as, if you're not truly evil (and I surmise you're not by your previous posts) then these actions are reprehensible beyond comprehension. It is enough to know that a) they exist and b) all the folk that matter to you (whether on this site or not) would rather they boil their innards in a mixture of their own corroded values.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Thanks flowerpot, you seem like a good man
quote:Originally posted by London: Report the publications manager for cheating on his girlfriend! Bastard.
The discomfort on his face was quite evident when we walked in, so much so that it kept on making me laugh. To be honest when I saw them I kind of pulled this face rather than this face as part of me was expecting it in the cynical way that dating has made me adopt.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
. Certainly you should report it to the police and post a notice for your neighbors - we're glad you're all right, which is what's most important, though.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
as part of me was expecting it in the cynical way that dating has made me adopt.