i am organising secret santa this year, purely as a means of proving that i am more organised, hard- working, popular and more widely- loved on this forum than LONDON, who as we all know, everyone hates with a burning passion akin to a non- specific urethral infucktion.
if you would like someone off tmo to send you a nice presunt, please email your email to me, alice the brilliant secret santa organiser! my email address is aliceFULLSTOProoneyATATATATgmail.com
[ 07.12.2005, 10:24: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Well mebbe you are more harderworking and things but NOBODY KNOWS WHO YOU ARE, dance marga vodka damage! I am a famous.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Thank goodness someone nice, popular and reliable is organising Secret Santa.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
yes, i thought youd all be pleased.
RIGHT LASSIES AND GENTLEBENZ. i am putting an informal deadline of saturday morning on this one, because we have left it a tad late.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Thank goodness someone nice, popular and reliable is organising Secret Santa.
And note! not even a hint of sarcasm.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
But according to the software which marg is using to run this thing, only ME AND HER have signed up for it. That's going to be very secret isn't it. Imagine: Whoo, what did you get AMP? O I got a badge that says 'stop staring at my tits', one of Boy Racer's old t-shirts, and a copy of Bust magazine. WHO COULD THAT BE FROM? I WONDER!!!!! Disco's Secret Santa SUCKS!!!!
Posted by Toilet Duck (Member # 801) on :
Hmpf. I got a mailer daemon
ETA: Reason for mailer daemon discovered. Bloody dyslexia.
[ 07.12.2005, 14:59: Message edited by: Toilet Duck ]
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: But according to the software which marg is using to run this thing
There's software behind this? It's the highest-tech teemo secret santa yet!
Coming next: real time gift tracking using global positioning satellites.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Yeah, I hit you up bitch.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
Bah, I would totally do this but the package would have to have left about 3 weeks ago. Is there a time limit? Would it be OK to get a secret easter bunny?
Posted by Esmeralda (Member # 527) on :
I'd like to join in as well but not being a prolific poster no one really knows me and I might end up with some crap I hate Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
who said that? Did anybody else hear that?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
there is no software! i was too lazy to deal with the software, lol. the only software is me, ans also, a word document. i am cutting and pasteing like a busy little elf as we speak! (not as we speak. but soon)
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
How many we got so far, DeeEm?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
... and are you going to factor in any wizardry to prevent the same people giving to, or receiving from, the people they did last year? Hmmm?
[ 08.12.2005, 09:29: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
10 including me. i dont know who gave people what last year im afraid. here is what i remember: i got from saltrock, i santa'd black mask and uber got from damo. and ringo is not taking part this year, THANK THE BABY JESUS.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I received a charming and abundant package. I can't remember who I Santa'd but I do remember that they lucked out big time.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: I received a charming and abundant package
like package, like sender, TRALA!
Posted by Endemic (Member # 821) on :
I got Angels and Demons.
Posted by Endemic (Member # 821) on :
I'm not playing this year.
Posted by Endemic (Member # 821) on :
These two facts are totally unrelated.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
If I get a girl to santa for I'm going to buy her a pair of these really great pants (new) like the ones which I bought on ebay for myself the other day. I think you'd like them Louche. There, is that enough to encourage you to enter?
Posted by Endemic (Member # 821) on :
[cautious]What are pants like?
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Like, um, sort of "boys shorts" / french knicker style in black mesh material with hot pink mesh behind, and pink ribbon tied like a corset-back on the right hand side.
Ummm, that probably doesn't make them sound very nice but they are very nice. I would find a picture but I'm using ghostzilla at work so can't right now.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: If I get a girl to santa for I'm going to buy her a pair of these really great pants (new) like the ones which I bought on ebay for myself the other day. I think you'd like them Louche. There, is that enough to encourage you to enter?
Ech. This sort of thing reminds me what puts me off entering. I know it's only a bit of fun of fun but there's always a chance you might end up with someone with a catastrophic lack of taste, and then you feel horribly guilty when they send you some grotesque shit the dredged up off the internet and paid for using money they scraped together by passing a cap round their friends. Actually that's the kind of thing that makes me uncomfortable about christmas in general.
Posted by Endemic (Member # 821) on :
Oh Uber! I have got enormous fat and now can only wear huge wobble restraining pants. If I got pants you described I would probably be able to get them up to my knees. This would be a bad thing and might make me weep. But I suppose I could frame them and out them on the wall in the office or something.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
oy vey
[ 08.12.2005, 10:52: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I don't know who santaed me last year but I think it was Black Mask. It was someone who thought I'd like sweets, vodka and psychogeography, amongst other things. They were 2/3 right.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
that's a shame about louche getting fat. Louche, why don't you pull yourself together?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: that's a shame about louche getting fat. Louche, why don't you pull yourself together?
Don't mess with her doc. Seriously. Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
If you are really so enormous fat Louche you could cut the crotch out and wear them as a fancy garter.
Thron, what is wrong with me saying I would buy someone this really nice thing which I liked so much I had bought for myself? Surely if I was saying "I will buy some old tat from a really shit place and send it" that would make more sense?
When I used to be manager of Knickerbox, about three lifetimes ago, whenever it was sale time we used to be sent the same old stuff year after year because it never sold. We used to call it the "bag of Sale Tat". There were G-strings there that had been doing the rounds since 1980. They used to go for about 50p if I remember correctly. Anyway, that would be a pretty shit thing to buy, not something really nice and cool.
Of course I wouldn't send the pants to just ANYONE, just to someone who I thought would appreciate it, I would tailor the present to the forumite. I'm actually quite good at choosing presents, I've been told. Well, my sister said once that I bought her quite a good thing at least.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Coming up soon: Uber does "The office Christmas Party" adding alcohol to her heady mix of codeine and cold remedies. Could be interesting. Starts at approximately 5pm today. Don't miss it!
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
*hits self in face*
Sorry forum
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
It was the idea of buying pants off of ebay that set my mind thinking in that direction.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
of course, we could all just send each other soiled pants. that would be new and different.
[ 08.12.2005, 11:21: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I'm in.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Ohhhh... I wanted it to be a surprise.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i love how the vendor has added the word 'fetish' to the heading as if, like, anybody ever... no, seriously? oh man. the human mind is a marvellous maze of amazingness.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
lol
You see that optimistic 'fetish' claim often tagged onto manky old men's trainers.
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
yes, and of the 96 (??? surely shome mistake) pairs of pants on sale on ebay, at least 2 thirds proudly vaunt their BNWT status. buy my pants, from a smoke free home, they are BNWT, never been worn, never been worn! which is surely so not the point. i want white cotton panties that have been worn for four days straight by a japanese lolita chain-smoking cigars with her hair in bunches! (when i say 'i', i am putting myself into the mind of a slathering pervert, by the way. i am typing in character.)
[ 08.12.2005, 11:41: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
they're not called sneakers, they're called trainers. This really is too much.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
Erugh. I had a really vivid dream about my foot fetish ex last night. Lisa and I had to go to his house (I don't know why, it was just one of those dream things you HAD to do) and do a thing which involved taking off your shoes and socks. Lisa took them off and did the task, whatever it was, with no problems. Then I gritted my teeth and took mine off and I was like, o dear here we go and then there was this shuffly squelchy sound of sweaty palm on warm pole and I knew my ex had started masturbating at the sight of my stinky, unpedicured toes. Bleargh. I DON'T GET IT!
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
on the blob ru luv?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i would quite like to have a foot fetishist boyfriend for a while, if it meant they paid for me to have pedicures and stuff. my feet are unbearable at the moment, but they could be things of extraordinary beauty. amp please can i have the telephone number of your ex, oh no but first, does he like women whose feet are like, fixer- uppers.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vanilla Online Persona: on the blob ru luv?
Would you like to suck my tampon?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: i would quite like to have a foot fetishist boyfriend for a while, if it meant they paid for me to have pedicures and stuff. my feet are unbearable at the moment, but they could be things of extraordinary beauty. amp please can i have the telephone number of your ex, oh no but first, does he like women whose feet are like, fixer- uppers.
Is that a new idea for a programme I feel welling within me? A foot perve could be given money to transform a lady's parmesan-like feet into silky wonders, perfect for tickling a calf up a trouser leg from across the table.
Posted by Toilet Duck (Member # 801) on :
I love the fact that the photo was taken next to an earring so you can tell the size. Because, as we all know, earrings are always exactly the same size.
Posted by Travelling Canadian (Member # 491) on :
quote:Originally posted by squeegy: Bah, I would totally do this but the package would have to have left about 3 weeks ago. Is there a time limit? Would it be OK to get a secret easter bunny?
Well perhaps if you did an exchange with some random Canadian who lives in your city? You could send something African, and she could send you a tin of genuine maple syrup. Or something.
Posted by Travelling Canadian (Member # 491) on :
ralph, are you stalking endemic across the boards? It seems you post right behind her, even if it's only a to post a smilie. What's that about, then?
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by Travelling Canadian: Well perhaps if you did an exchange with some random Canadian who lives in your city? You could send something African, and she could send you a tin of genuine maple syrup. Or something.
Yeah, but just sending maple syrup smacks a bit of a lack of imagination, or at least a lack of industriousness. If I had a Canadian as my secret santa, I'd expect to at least get a moose, preferably one fastened to a large maple tree.
The postage might be the least of the obstacles to overcome, but I wouldn't want to underestimate what another forumite might be capable of.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by Travelling Canadian: Well perhaps if you did an exchange with some random Canadian who lives in your city? You could send something African, and she could send you a tin of genuine maple syrup. Or something.
Real maple syrup? All you can get round here is MAPLE (flavoured) SYRUP which is totally not the same thing.
So, still in Gabs huh? You should have been at BotswanaMeat with me and the Niffer. It was good.
eta: A moose would be cool. I'll swap you a moose for a kudu.
[ 09.12.2005, 03:53: Message edited by: squeegy ]
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I went to the beautician training school place near Oxford Circus (you can get stuff real cheap!) and there was some guy in a suit getting a pedicure. The sight of a wee girl kneeling on the floor in front of a big gruffty business man, rubbing his feet, was somewhat uncomfortable. He seemd to like it though.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
What kind of stuff can you get there? That sounds cool, I could do with some pampering.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Yeah! I could do with my feet being grated back to normality.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Here is their website...http://www.lond-est.com/
This site seems to be aimed at people wanting to enrole rather then customers. Im sure there used to be a site with treatments etc listed but I cant find it right now. They do yer general range of stuff....feet/nails, waxing, massage, facials etc. But for cheap!
The drawbacks being that they are only open weekdays and not evenings, and you might get a beginner who takes ages to do whatever it is she is doing.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Wow excellent! I am totally going to have a massage and manicure and pedicure! But what the fuck is "Vacuum Suction"?! Also: G5 (Mechanical Massage) ?!?!
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
how on earth can people tolerate a job where they have to pamper men's feet? I would probably rather suck a cock than have to handle some trench footed layabout's disgusting hooves.
Well. Maybe not suck cock. Maybe like, offer kisses or something. Not that I would do that. I'm just saying that I'd be able to handle that more than doing men's feet. I'm not bent! I'm not.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
THIS IS VERYEXCITING. we already have two elves who i dont even know who they are! imagine the excitement! im very excited everybody! you can tell, because my grammar is from ass!
okay i am bringing the deadline forward so that i can do all the matching tomorrow when i am supposed to be working ha ha. the deadline is now
6 PM THIS EVENING
did you get that, i said
6 PM THIS EVENING Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
When I'm doing a massage if the person has really minging feet I get a Wet One (lol) and say very chirpily "I'm just going to refresh your feet". A trick I learnt from my reflexologist. Actually, I do that regardless of if their feet are minging or not because a) it feels nice for them and b) because rubbing strangers feet is just a bit ick isn't it?
Mind you, my first job was in Olympus Sports in Bromley. I had to wear a tracksuit and you had to help horrible Bromley people and their stinking sweaty feet into the latest Nike. That job sucked pretty hard. Harder than being paid to rub oil into naked people anyway.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by Uber Trick: Wow excellent! I am totally going to have a massage and manicure and pedicure! But what the fuck is "Vacuum Suction"?! Also: G5 (Mechanical Massage) ?!?!
maybe if you apply the end of a vacuum cleaner to the soles of your feet it does things to your circulation. oh oh oh! like gwyneth paltry when she went out with those big suction marks on her back yeah yeah yeah thats what she was doing she and chris martin were doing reiki massage at home with the vaccuum cleaner that has a funny smiley face on it*. all drunked up and cocking about with the hoover. i love those guys. i bet its just no end of apeing about round their gaff. i bet they spend hours wrestling like puppies on the floor and doing loogie fights.
* what is this vacuum cleaner called? it is not bobby, tommy or billy, i know cos i googled them.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Henry.
I remember it as drippy ex-boyfriend said 'oh look. Henry's being taken for a ride. Do you think he likes it?' pointing out the vacuum cleaner on a cleaner's trolly.
Sadly, this was at an airport on a way to a week's holiday.
[ 09.12.2005, 06:50: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Henry! (or, Henri for the slightly more powerful french model HNX3303)
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
'Henry' is probably quite an acceptable middle class name isn't it. Like, for children.
[ 09.12.2005, 06:55: Message edited by: Dr. Benway ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i think carter's brother is called henry. or is it scrawny?
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
you should totally check out Carter now. He's really beefed up, in a good way.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Scrawny's. Maybe Carter's too though, I don't know. Heh - its the annual TMO trivia time!What trivia do you know about another forumite's real life? Best bit of trivia wins a prize! Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I remain aloof. No-one has shit on me, son.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
FACT! Uber's ex-cat that she threw out on the street was called Sebastien! He lives in a crack house now Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i know what animal has been graffitied onto the back wall of gail's house. mainly because i can see said animal- and therefore said back wall- from my front door. i think me and gail win the 'which two forites who are not actually living together live within the smallest distance of each other competition.
[ 09.12.2005, 07:10: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by H1ppychick: I remain aloof. No-one has shit on me, son.
Pah - Checking my dossier I know that...
- You live in Bristol - Alone - You're well paid - You work with numbers - You're an Oxbridge graduate - You spent some time commuting to Cardiff, but that contract has either ended or is about to end - You have a widescreen TV which you regret buying
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
I wonder whether, if H1ppychick goes missing, this thread would be submissable as evidence.
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: FACT! Uber's ex-cat that she threw out on the street was called Sebastien! He lives in a crack house now
Worse than that - he lives in South London
More trivia! My brain is all sludgy today come on think THINK! Stupid brain. Oh! I know the name of Scrawny's brothers new baby, but is it fair to post real life names of forumites family and teeny tiny babies on the boards? Ok, I know that Abby has a crush on JOHNNY DEPP! That's not particularly exciting though. Someone else do some, I am obviously crap today. Still, I got a round of applause when I came into work this morning. I'm not altogether convinced that was a good thing though. Unless, of course, they were deeply impressed by my karaoke skillz as demonstrated at the party last night. Several times in fact.
[ 09.12.2005, 07:13: Message edited by: Uber Trick ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
oh grooo. spontaneous workplace round of applause in the workplace: never a good thing. the only proper work xmas party i ever went to was in february, so that the company i worked for could combine it with the end of the tax year and finding out whether they had turned over their first Cold Mil(llion). on returning to my ex's house in brixton at 3 am it turned out he was too drunk to hear me ringing the doorbell, so i ended up ringing one of the other bedsits in the building. eventually an italian answered and i was so grateful i tried to give him a fiver just for answering his own door. :hotshameevennow: anyway. on the mondayafterwards people i had never seen in the building in my life came up to me in a steady stream saying 'there are some great photos of you at the party on the intranet!'. but they all said it so sincerely i honestly didnt know whether they meant it, but similtaneously i didnt know what the photos could possibly have been of, since i didnt remember any cameras. i didnt remember anything much past the starter, but thats another matter.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Mummy, I'm scared, who's the strange man looking in the window? Posted by Gail (Member # 21) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: i know what animal has been graffitied onto the back wall of gail's house.
Haha, that would be an ace trick question!
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Travelling Canadian: ralph, are you stalking endemic across the boards?
TravCan! I had no idea you were a TMO member! Lovely to see you again.
The answer to your question is a pathetic yes.
ETA: I mean no. Of course not. One doesn't stalk a lady.
[ 09.12.2005, 08:13: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Pervert
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
That's not a nice thing to say about TravCan, Roy.
Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Well done guys!
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
You better edit that doc -- you don't want kovacs coming down on you as well. Save yourself while you still can.
Posted by Roy (Member # 705) on :
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
For the love of fuck ralph, give it a rest. You become such a stuck record sometimes.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Et tu, squeegy? Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
TMO IS CLOSED FOR ROUTINE MAINTENANCE
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Et tu, squeegy?
Not at all man but sometimes... Sometimes you really do go on and on and on and on.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by squeegy: Not at all man but sometimes... Sometimes you really do go on and on and on and on.
I know. It's just that he really gets under my skin sometimes. I'm sure other forumites have been there, done that though. *sigh* I'll try to let it drop. For you, squeegy.
In unrelated news, western Massachusetts is being hammered with snow. We're expecting a foot of the white stuff.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: western Massachusetts is being hammered with snow. We're expecting a foot of the white stuff.
I'll expect to see one of these waiting for me when I get home, then.
edit: 'cause it's a foot. of white stuff. geddit.
/coat and boots
[ 09.12.2005, 10:22: Message edited by: froopyscot ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Lucky bastard! Sounds like rooster does you up right. I will be expecting one of these once I get home:
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
WHAT HAPPENS IF WEVE GOT AN ODD NUMBER OF ELVE. COME ON YOU *****< MORE ELVE.
this has been a message from the national elf service. um. you see why i dont drink tea? one cup of pg tips! for fucksake!
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: WHAT HAPPENS IF WEVE GOT AN ODD NUMBER OF ELVE. COME ON YOU *****< MORE ELVE.
this has been a message from the national elf service. um. you see why i dont drink tea? one cup of pg tips! for fucksake!
Odd or even it works. You just get everyone to give to the person on their left.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
what if one of elve is a big bad butch elve who does not wish to receive, but only give? s/m elveTop with jar of vaseline and shiny black gifttag hanging out of left levi pocket. also buddhist. not that this is the case, but it could be.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
oh cock it ill just have two presents thats all lol (£10booktoken). okay secret santa is now closed brilliant bye!
[ 09.12.2005, 11:17: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
did she say 6pm or not?
it's only half four and the lazy elf has fucked off already. i'm glad i'm too shit to get involved in capers like this.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Ah, I wish I'd seen this earlier. I would have loved to join in. So much fun and frivolity!
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
ohmyquim, if you were someone's secret santa would you give them a years supply of toilet roll and tena lady pads?
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
i've got about 4 crates of velvet in my garage, so they could certainly have one of those. i haven't bought bog roll since 2002.
postage might be a bit pricey, mind.
who wants tena lady, btw? i can get it for you...
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
Is a drug-pushing any worse than panty-pad pushing? No I tells ya. Its the shitty end of the stick. All such pushers should be rounded up and paedo-ed.
Posted by omikin (Member # 37) on :
you sound like someone suffering from the odd dribble, vop.
need something to give you confidence and discretion?
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
My personal freshness is beyond question. I shit rose-petals.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
And judging by the state of the loos here in Oirland, I appear to be the only man on this island who can piss WITHOUT getting urine over the seat and floors.
Which is more than can be said for the Scotch.
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
Hello ...
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
No point in us remaining ....... I may as well go home, As I did on my own, Alone again, naturally.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
And now the end is near and so we face the final curtain
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
When I was young, I never needed anyone. And making love was just for fun. Those days are gone. Da Da Dee Dum
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley Sue Lawley, Sue Lawley
Posted by Vanilla Online Persona (Member # 301) on :
its a secret
[ 09.12.2005, 12:54: Message edited by: Vanilla Online Persona ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
stupid tinter!
[ 11.12.2005, 12:07: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
RIGHT!
everybody should have an elve. nobody should have more than one elve. i have just realised that, in giving everyone an elf number in an attempt to preserve the anonymity of the process, i have removed any kind of hint as to whether the elve you are sending your bounteous giften to is a boyelf or breastedelf. if you are unable to buy presents that are not genderspecific, please get in touch, and i will tell you whether your chosen elf is male, non- male, or transexual. (if you are a transsexual elve and would prefer not to be outed my dicretion is guaranteed- i am a proud member of the LGBTElf community, look, there is a rainbow on my pointy hat.) if, however, you are going to be sending some mouldy fruit, a wet biscuit and a pair of soiled undercrackers, as i imagine most of you are, it wont matter much.
and no, seeing as so many of you seem to be interested- i will not tell you if your chosen elf is someone you might happen to think is a bit of a cock on the boards. i *will* not do that. this is about christmas, and loving, and giving, and receiving, and rubbing, and nuzzling, and THRUSTINGand- ooh! please excuse me. ive just remembered, i have to go and... wash my neighbours mouse.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Disco is broken.
Posted by Gail (Member # 21) on :
It's the worry. She plays it book, but the facade cracks with a light tap of the toffee hammer.
Posted by doc d (Member # 781) on :
no presents from secret santa over here this year. too broke and too late to get there. sorrus Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Disco- I realise that making it anonymous is fun, but I'm slightly concerned about posting packages without a name on, especially this time of year when posties are overloaded and don't have the time to make a proper effort. If there are people from overseas involved in it, there is bound to be delay at customs with nameless parcels- if indeed they are allowed to go through at all.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Surely secret santa is only supposed to be secret in that you don't know who your receiving from? It's idiotic if you don't know who you're buying for. How in the fuck are you supposed to get them a decent gift?
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
wait, do you put the sender's name?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Looks like you're going to get a pair of mesh pants off ebay VP. Or physic will get them. Either way, this could be hilarious.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Indeed. If one doesn't know who one's santee is, they would be in serious danger of getting a pair of one's pants.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: Surely secret santa is only supposed to be secret in that you don't know who your receiving from? It's idiotic if you don't know who you're buying for. How in the fuck are you supposed to get them a decent gift?
why in the fuck do you even care, seeing as your involvement in the thing is entirely restricted to criticising from the sidelines?
if people want to know their elf's real name, they can feel free to email me. i thought the point was it was supposed to be entirely anonymous; ive obviously misunderstood the concept.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I think we need to know the elf's TMO name, so we can buy something suitably apt/abusive/rude...
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: why in the fuck do you even care, seeing as your involvement in the thing is entirely restricted to criticising from the sidelines?
You're absolutely right, but it's just getting really painful to watch (moving the deadlines, failing to grasp the basic concept). I don't suppose it's any worse than people kicking the zombie thread without being involved with it, and crucially, there's not much else going on today.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
i moved the deadline so that i could get the emails sent out on saturday, a day when i thought had internet access at work and could therefore do it for free. i didnt have internet access at work as it turned out, so ive ended up paying something like £6 to organise this thing. on the friday i called a halt an hour and a half early because i hadnt received a request for elf- dom for nearly 24 hours anyway. i havent slagged the zombie threads- i havent even read them.
this whole post could more succinctly be summarised with the words 'give over, youre being a **** ', but im feeling pissed off and defensive.
[ 12.12.2005, 06:43: Message edited by: dance margarita ]
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I told you having a baby would be less hassle than organising secret santa.
Posted by Thorn Davis (Member # 65) on :
Imagine trying to take care of a baby, though, while I was standing in the kitchen with my arms folded going "Are you really going to wash it like that? You do realise you're probably giving it brain damage? Haven't you bever breast fed before. God! This is embarrassing to watch."
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I didn't realise I had to have the baby with you! Do I have to have the baby with you?
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
That would totally work as a US sitcom, only to seal the deal Thorn would have to be actually gay rather than just camp.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
That idea has already been taken.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Back to Secret Satan, is there a price limit? Is it £5?
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
it was ten last year. that does not, of course, mean that you cant spend less.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Misc, who is that man on your profile?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Dr. Benway: Misc, who is that man on your profile?
Oh. Er... heh.
[ 12.12.2005, 11:50: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by Travelling Canadian (Member # 491) on :
quote:Originally posted by squeegy:
quote:Originally posted by Travelling Canadian: Well perhaps if you did an exchange with some random Canadian who lives in your city? You could send something African, and she could send you a tin of genuine maple syrup. Or something.
Real maple syrup? All you can get round here is MAPLE (flavoured) SYRUP which is totally not the same thing.
So, still in Gabs huh? You should have been at BotswanaMeat with me and the Niffer. It was good.
eta: A moose would be cool. I'll swap you a moose for a kudu.
There was a Botswana Meat? Where and when was it? Fuck, e-mail me next time!! M_A_E_bb@hotmail.com Yes, I'm still in Gabs, but contract has now been held up so we're going home to Canada for extended Christmas visit. Yes, I have actual Maple syrup - I always bring some back with me. They do sell the real stuff in Woolworths occasionally, at like 45 pula for a tiny bottle, cheaper to bring my own. And I'd be happy to bring you a moose.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
quote:Originally posted by Travelling Canadian: There was a Botswana Meat? Where and when was it? Fuck, e-mail me next time!!
It was held at the illustrious Bull and Bush which everyone knows is the meeting place of the Gaborone socialites and trend-setters. Sometime around August I think.
Posted by Travelling Canadian (Member # 491) on :
Oh, I was still in Canada in Aug. We just had our International women's club Christmas lunch at B&B last Wed. If you want to do a New Year's Meat say the word. After January.
Posted by squeegy (Member # 136) on :
A new years Botswana meat is a distinct possibility. Alternatively just go to B&B on any given Friday and look for someone a bit like this:
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
[ 18.12.2005, 11:05: Message edited by: Sidney ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Wow! I mean... just... WOW!!! I got my Secret Santa Care Parcel when I got in this evening, and... WOW!!!
I got, right, four (4), count 'em, four CDs, all of which were crackers! One was by the esteemed Bill Hicks, another by The Bobby McGees (which I'd appreciate a track listing to) and a Christmas compilation (which I played, as instructed, while opening my plethora of gifts[and which, again, I'd appreciate a track listing to]) the final by the nutso Ari Up. The DVD will either save me or cost me a fortune. I got 2 magazines, one of which was Found, a magazine I'd never heard of but which corrals together found objects/artifacts/documents/texts, one of my favourite things in the world. Random rules! The other magazine was also cool, it has an article on Jandek in it which I haven't located, yet. The Jandek article is significant as one of my Secret Santa gifts has a Jandek track on it... I got cool badges, three of which tipped me off to my Santa. I got some chocos and a beautiful carefully inscribed card.
...
I'm overwhelmed. This was one of my best Christmas moments, ever.
Thanks Secret Santa.
Have a fantastic Christmas. Get everything you wish for. Get everything you deserve, which is a whole lot more. Thanks for kick-starting my Christmas.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I got my Secret Satan too last night! I haven't opened it, because that's bad. I'm very excited though.
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
im going home today, so i wont get my secret santa package until i get back. Posted by Fionnula the Cooler (Member # 453) on :
Mine came today! I couldn't resist ripping open the Jiffy bag, but thankfully the gifts inside were (and still are) wrapped up. Very glittery and pink and girly. Exce! Posted by Dr. Benway (Member # 20) on :
Mine came today! Weirdly, nobody I work with nor anybody in the post room knew who 'Dr. Benway' was, so the parcel was opened by the postroom staff due to our in house security measures. The result? I had to tell everybody that I work with, including my boss and the head of branch, that I sometimes go by the name of Dr. Benway, and then I had to claim my "Very Saucy Boob Juggling Kit." Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
i totally forgot to do this. and then my present arrived (thanks). fuck!
so, not wanting to do a ringo, i rushed to find something suitable. but had to settle for whatever i could buy in tesco express on fulham road at lunch time. not a fucking lot actually, unless you want a sandwich or sushi. not suitable xmas gifts, except for the homeless.
anyway my secret santee should get the crappy impersonal gift by xmas, but sorry if you don't! merry xmas!
@me
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Er... I'm about to post mine. Sorry receivee. I've been poorly, so have been addle-brained about both buying and posting. Thus it's a bit shit, and late. Soz.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I haven't received my gift, but the pleasure of giving was quite xxxtreme, suprisingly. I am content to bask in the thought that I may have racked up some karma points somewhere along the line. Maybe something nice will happen in 2006.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I'm sure there are a couple remaining secret santa items still en route.
Yep. Pretty sure.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Hello my secret santa; thank you for noting that I enjoyed Ali Smith earlier this year. I have never heard of the second book, but being set in Scandinavia and recommended by Philip Pullman sounds pretty good. Also, this was the only book present I got this year, so without you I would have had a bookless Christmas (unthinkable).
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Err, not quite sure what's going on but....
I offered to be a secret santa (albeit a 'giver' and not a 'receiver') and was under the impression that my offer had been accepted. Sadly, I didn't receive an email with details of my gift recipient. I assumed that this meant my gift giving services were no longer required. I am now a little worried that I may have been emailed after all but didn't actually receive it - if that's the case, then some poor tmoer will be sat waiting for a present that'll never turn up.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I think my Secret Santa gifts were the best gifts I gave anybody anywhere, seeing as the gifts I bought for Ubertrick didn't arrive, I haven't got one for my wifey yet, my gifts for the rest of my family were entirely perfunctory, and I arranged to give my future ex-boyfriend his presents after Christmas, and so haven't bought them. Happy Christmas TMO! If gifts are a measure of love, I love you more than anybody else, be they family, friend or lover. But don't worry Masky: it doesn't mean I want to jump your bones.
[ 28.12.2005, 07:16: Message edited by: London ]
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
I posted my package on the 19th...
Posted by Fionnula the Cooler (Member # 453) on :
Thanks, Secret Satan, for my wristband, lips and purse. And the purse's contents. I trust you haven't attacked the contents of the purse with surreptitious pins. You might, for instance, hate me, and want me to get gAIDS. But no. Christmas is no time for paranoia. It is a time of gratitude and joy. Thank you, Satan!
Posted by Uber Trick (Member # 456) on :
Dear Satan, Thank you for my envelope of music and sweets and a book and a squeaky chicken. My sister and I have been eating increasingly sugary and Ecolourful sweets and dancing around to outsider music like 5 year olds. Now I am going to do a sick. Happy Christmas! xXx
I'm about 99.99999% sure that I know who my Satan is.
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Lisa particularly likes the Jandek track. Extremely outsider musical tastes, that girl. Wouldn't be caught dead listening to Kylie or anything.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
right i'm sending a further gift out to make up for the crapnes of my initial offering
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
froopy and I have finally sent off our gifts...I'm hoping they will be worth the wait. It kind of takes the secret out of the santa when you have to declare who you are for customs and all (though they were both sent in my name so the fun will be deciding which one of us sent it I guess).
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
I should also mention, thank you to my secret santa! For I have received a lovely mug which does with much emphasis espouse the virtues of drinking tea- and if that weren't enough, it was accompanied with a sticky note on the box reminding me that "only savages don't drink tea." And I wouldn't want to be a savage, would I? Oh no. So, despite my general coffee-focused nature, I'll use this one only for tea. I've seen the light!
Oh, and it was accompanied by a nifty coaster made of a recycled circuit board!
Thankyou, secretsanta!
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Did I ever say a big fluffy and warm 'thank you' for my gifts of bounty? They ruled, including as they did a CD of banjo music (*scratches chin as to identity of elf), chocolate and a surprisingly prescient fortune cookie. Thanking you!
Posted by Toilet Duck (Member # 801) on :
Thanks for my gift, Santa. Sorry I didn't post my thanks earlier but I've been with the parents over Christmas hence no internet. I'm not entirely sure what I do with it (I know about as much as it goes over my eyes), but I'm sure I'll get the hang. I have an inkling as to who my Santa may be, but I'm still guessing really...
Pleased to hear my elf's parcel did arrive - liked the message that went with it Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote: I know about as much as it goes over my eyes, but I'm sure I'll get the hang.
Is it a device for controlling your mind over great distances?
[ 03.01.2006, 15:57: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by dance margarita (Member # 848) on :
quote:Originally posted by vikram: right i'm sending a further gift out to make up for the crapnes of my initial offering
did this happen, by the way? i dont want to have to crown you with the title of This Year's Ringo, but...
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
not yet but i will. were you my santee then? oh fuck. sorry!
Posted by Black Mask (Member # 185) on :
Have a heart, he's living on fumes.
Posted by Toilet Duck (Member # 801) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
quote: I know about as much as it goes over my eyes, but I'm sure I'll get the hang.
Is it a device for controlling your mind over great distances?
It may well be.
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
Froopy and I are thinking our packages may be to their recipients by now...anyone receive anything from Massachusetts?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Vikram probably got them and can't be bothered to say thank you. Don't forget, this is a man who sent his secret Santa a Gingster's Cornish pasty, 12 sachets of antifreeze and a token for a Shoreditch carwash.
[ 09.01.2006, 14:26: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
I didn't get anything.
Our posties are crims though. They steal practically everything I order from Amazon. Hackney sorting office is notorious. IF YOU CAN'T TRUST THE POST WHAT CAN YOU TRUST???? etc etc disgruntled of Tunbridge Wells etc
[ 09.01.2006, 14:55: Message edited by: London ]
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Vikram probably got them and can't be bothered to say thank you.
I did say thank you, albeit as a bit of an aside. Okay - well THANK YOU to whoever sent me yummy chocolates and The Rough Guide to Travel Survival .
I'm posting the second part of my present (which was always my plan. ahem) tomorrow.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: Our posties are crims though. They steal practically everything I order from Amazon. Hackney sorting office is notorious. IF YOU CAN'T TRUST THE POST WHAT CAN YOU TRUST???? etc etc disgruntled of Tunbridge Wells etc
same here. well, i'm not sure about theft though a package from amazon went missing. but they do put letters through teh worng fucking psot box ALL THE TIME. I hate hate hate my illiterate fucking asshole postman.
Hey Amp, is your water off?
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
Is that a euphemism?
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
Hang in there London...you will get something...
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: Is that a euphemism?
nooooo. the water isn't working at mine. it might be now - havent checked. i called up thames water and they said a pipe burst or something and some of e2 and e8 was without water. you're in e8 yes?
Posted by London (Member # 29) on :
e9krew muthfphucka
e8 is totally last year.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Safe, yeh Brockley cru.
Anyone in Brockley endz tell me if Jay's shop on the corner is going to be open until 10? I can't be fucked to look out the window and see.
Shout out.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
does that mean i'm like totally retro?
anyway, e9 was last year. this year it's e14 innit.
Posted by kovacs (Member # 28) on :
Brockley massiv.
Anyone hear that big bang down toward the roundabout? Yeh? Shout back if you heard it, was just wondering what it was.
Probably car backfire.
Safe, safe.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
dark.
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by rooster: Froopy and I are thinking our packages may be to their recipients by now...anyone receive anything from Massachusetts?
Yup, I did say thank you the other day on one of the other threads but thank you whichever of you it was who sent the photo frame, USB powered lava lamp thing and the santa claus pes dispenser, all were gratefully received. The light is sparkling at me now, the frame has two picture of my nephews visiting Santa in, and the pes is mostly all eaten Posted by Toilet Duck (Member # 801) on :
quote:Originally posted by London: disgruntled of Tunbridge Wells
That'd be disgusted of Tunbridge Wells.
Arsey of Newhaven x
Posted by rooster (Member # 738) on :
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