Today is No Consequences Day. Twenty four hours in which you can do whatever you want, safe in the knowledge that you will never have to pay for your actions. On waking tomorrow, the world will be returned to the state it was in before NCD. Aside from the predictable yet always tempting option of bludgeoning your boss to death with his/her Blackberry, how would you make use of this opportunity? Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
So when we wake up tomorrow morning we'll have forgotten that you didn't PF on your own thread?
I don't think so. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
It seems a shame that I couldn't affect the world permanently for what I do today as it would be pretty cruel to have the man who lives across the road come back to life after I murder him by repeatedly banging his f*ing head in the boot of his f*ing car.
The car he parks a mere pavement width away from the front window of my teeny tiny terraced house.
The car which has the boot into which he stands peering for hours; the boot from which he walks back and forth for f*ing hours every night carrying mysterious parcels; the boot he stands next to, hand on raised lid as he chats for f*king hours to his equally f*ing moronic son before they finally decide they have had enough of tormenting me, sitting mere feet away from them, caught in the light of the flickering TV set whilst they pretend they can't see me and I am finally am forced to get up and draw my curtains.
Oh yes.
That and world peace for a day.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
An excellent question. I guess the trouble is that the most people would 'waste' this opportunity on making a pass at someone completely inapproprate (sister-in-law, boss, cleaning lady etc etc) because we all know the interesting part of bumping off, say, a political leader can only really be judged after a few years (eg. would assassinating Bush lead to Dick Cheney taking over and making an even worse hash of things? Might the succession of Hitler by Goebbels have led to WW2 being avoided but an even larger number of Jews being gassed?)
It's a sorry reflection on the impact that an individual can make in mass society that the only public acts that would garner any attention at all over a 24 hour period would be mass murder or suicide - which, I guess, partly explains the appeal of those options combined to suicide bombers.
You'd have to fall back on something gratifying to yourself, I think. Even that has risks, though, you know. If I were to make a forette the stunningly generous offer of a day and night of no-strings-attached sex in a range of public places, would I actually get any takers? The result of this kind of speculation might not be to my liking - then after 'no consequences' day I'd have to live with grim knowledge as opposed to pleasing fantasy.
I don't know - I'd probably go for doing some interesting, intense, probably fatal activity that I could then recover from, Groundhog Day style - it would be interesting to establish how long I could hold my own in a fight with a tiger and what 'dying' was like in the final moments. So there you go - boundless opportunity unleashes nothing more impressive than my inner-Steve Irwin.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Yes, ben. And as you can see, I would be the first to waste the opportunity.
With extreme pleasure.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Ben, surely in a fight with a tiger you would win?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Just a thought. If the world would return to the way it was the day before, would that mean that everyone but you would forget what had happened?
It would be pretty cool if not because you could plan something really meaningful and let everyone experience the consequences for the day so that the next day, when order as it was is restored, if everyone remembers it, it could lead to some of them seeking that change.
Of course, that begs the question what you could achieve in a day that would produce results that would make people want to reproduce them in the following era.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: If I were to make a forette the stunningly generous offer of a day and night of no-strings-attached sex in a range of public places, would I actually get any takers? The result of this kind of speculation might not be to my liking - then after 'no consequences' day I'd have to live with grim knowledge as opposed to pleasing fantasy.
You could bang them anyway I mean - if there are no consequences to them then would it still be a Bad Thing? Also would you have memory of this day? If you did and if you comitted such an atrocity, wouldn't it haunt you forever that you'd done it? Hardly consequence-free. But then, if you're not going to remember any of it... what's the point?
I'd be tempted to try and steal a car and then go on a driving rampage across Oxfordshire. I quite like the image of hammering across fields with police cars following me and a helicopter hovering above. But it probably wouldn't happen like that - I'd probably get arrested before I even got the car door open. So I dunno. Rape and car theft is out. What is else is there? I'd probably just but a few X-box games, try them out safe in the knowledge that if they were rubbish I didn't have to have paid for them.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
I would start take-over rumours in as many stocks as feasibly possible; buying sizeable stakes in each of them over the course of the trading day. As the whiff of these rumours hits the market, I will take the profits in each of the positions just before the market closes at 4.30pm. The following day would, of course, see no 'market manipulation' investigations from the FSA and LSE, and I would be on my plane to the Caribbean, awaiting the transfer of funds into my newly-opened Cayman bank account.
[ 20.02.2007, 06:40: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
No... Zygote... I don't think you've quite grasped the way this works.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: You could bang them anyway I mean - if there are no consequences to them then would it still be a Bad Thing? Also would you have memory of this day? If you did and if you comitted such an atrocity, wouldn't it haunt you forever that you'd done it? Hardly consequence-free.
That's a pretty chilling thought. If men thought they could rape without consequences (except in the parallel world short term to the victim) how many would go for it?
As you say, there would be consequences for your own soul, which would maybe be the one, unarticulated, thing holding most people back: If I'm capable of anything, given the circumstances, what does this make me?
lol - no wonder my novel-length trawl through the sewer that is the male psyche is proving such a protracted and debilitating business.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Do you really think people would go for the gratification of the most basic, even baser instincts? If so, it's a bleak prognosis for mankind because it seems to hint we are only half-way decent because we are afraid of getting caught.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I'd like to see if I could really jump to the next office building, from the top of the one in which I work. It doesn't look too far. I reckon I'd make it if I could get a decent run-up. It's a question that's often occurred to me, usually during dull repetetive tasks. First though, I'd go to town and buy some really expensive sunglasses and a nice leather coat so I looked the part. I don't even like the Matrix really, but I think it's important to put on a performance.
I'd like to steal a bus as well. Thorn's GTA style rampage sounds like a lot of fun. In fact I might put together a hastily built killdozer, like that chap in America. He must've enjoyed himself a whole lot before those pesky consequences kicked in.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Do you really think people would go for the gratification of the most basic, even baser instincts? If so, it's a bleak prognosis for mankind because it seems to hint we are only half-way decent because we are afraid of getting caught.
You said so yourself, Sam.
quote:Originally posted by sam: Yes, ben. And as you can see, I would be the first to waste the opportunity.
With extreme pleasure.
[ 20.02.2007, 06:53: Message edited by: ben ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Do you really think people would go for the gratification of the most basic, even baser instincts? If so, it's a bleak prognosis for mankind because it seems to hint we are only half-way decent because we are afraid of getting caught.
Well, I think there's always an element where 'fear-of-getting-caught' plays a part as deterrent - after all that's why you have to make laws against things. If people weren't going to do it, then there'd be no point making it illegal.
Nonetheless, I think it's clear that the diminishing of your own soul, the guilt, the destruction of your self esteem act as deterrents for the vast majority of people. I'm sure everyone here has done something bad, whch they got away with, even in terms of not actually hurting someone (like a fling that your partner never finds out about) but still felt a sense of crippling guilt and shame over.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I'd also kick a dog to death, at random, because I 'kinda have issues with dogs'.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I'd go out in my car and turn it sideways through every single corner. Naked. Maybe whilst slightly pissed.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I'd go out in my car and turn it sideways through every single corner. Naked. Maybe whilst slightly pissed.
Would you wear a seatbelt?
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
After re-reading the initial post, I would use the day to drive a Suzuki Hayabusa GSXR1300 motorcycle across the country, at full throttle, whilst listening to Sepultura through my headphones. That would be nice.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Yeah, I can't drive properly if I'm not wearng one. I feel naked.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: I'd like to see if I could really jump to the next office building, from the top of the one in which I work. It doesn't look too far. I reckon I'd make it if I could get a decent run-up. It's a question that's often occurred to me, usually during dull repetetive tasks. First though, I'd go to town and buy some really expensive sunglasses and a nice leather coat so I looked the part. I don't even like the Matrix really, but I think it's important to put on a performance.
I'd like to steal a bus as well. Thorn's GTA style rampage sounds like a lot of fun. In fact I might put together a hastily built killdozer, like that chap in America. He must've enjoyed himself a whole lot before those pesky consequences kicked in.
An adult Columbine?
Nice you lot. Rape and mass murder.
But I would invite you down my road. That neighbour of mine is asking for something.
I would pay for a dream day and night on my credit card because I wouldn't have to pay the bill afterwards. I'd spend a couple of hours paragliding; then have a quick helicopter ride to a small airport where I would have a few hours with a flying instructor so I could pilot a plane myself, and then I would have the afternoon in a glider, silently soaring above it all. Then I would take my old man out for a meal in one of the best restaurants in Europe, somewhere warm so we could eat outside, and top it all off with the rest of the night with him in the best hotel in Europe. We'd be like Zefferelli's Romeo and Juliet when we awoke; all romatic and sorry to see it go just before the morning breeze blew in and the magic ended.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
hold on.... you'd spend the night in a hotel with your dad?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Ew!
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
That's pretty transgressive, Sam. Red Letter Day + incest.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: hold on.... you'd spend the night in a hotel with your dad?
It doesn't mean my dad where I come from. And he is quite an old guy too and he is my man.
Hmmn.
My dad is one of those bald, bearded guys who looks like his head is on upside down. Quite apart from the usual tabboos, it is hard to imagine anyone wanting to spend the night with him, but I have to assume my mum did. At least three times.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Is it worth bearing in mind that it would be No Consequences Day not only for you, but for everyone else as well...
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
That would suck actually. You'd be trying to do your own thing while fighing off hordes of people wanting to either beat you up, or have sex with you, possibly by force. You'd never get anything done.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Anyway! Don't get pissy with me about a spot of incest. In the great scheme of things are you telling me it'd be worse than mass murder, you loonies?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: And he is quite an old guy too and he is my man.
Is he a dustman? Does he wear the associated headgear? Could his trousers best be described as "cor-blimey"?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Having a fantasy about killing someone is less weird than shagging your dad, surely?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Anyway! Don't get pissy with me about a spot of incest. In the great scheme of things are you telling me it'd be worse than mass murder, you loonies?
I just wanted to be able to drive like a benny without breaking the car or getting a secion 59. I'm not the one who wants to fuck their dad.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
I think it's well documented that on the occasions in history where there really have been No Consequences Days, people did go for the shag-anything-in-sight option. Males and females. That and unrestrained alcohol swilling and ultraviolence. It's what we do.
Looting is also popular of course, though I don't recall many reports of driving-very-fast-while-naked, but then cars haven't been around all that long really, and in places like the last days of Berlin '45 there probably wasn't a lot of open road to let loose on anyway.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
8:30am - 1. Destruction Derby I'd go out and smash up my neighbours cars - one family down my street park in a really selfish way. They're always out there swapping cars round, dominating parking spaces and generally acting in a ***** way. I'd go and hire a few cars; a volvo and some 4x4's and spend a good half hour smashing the fucking shit out of their cars. Then I'd torch them and whilst the flames were licking the sky I'd go and smash their house up a bit, hopefully the wife would come out and start screaming and shit and I'd run her over a few times - maybe... I dunno if i'd actually have the stomach for the last bit, I imagine a few people would have come out of their houses and try to stop my rampage, so I would probably have to run them down a bit too. I guess I'm just going to have to get used to that.
8:30am - 2. Scramble away Anyhow, I'd be a bit keyed up now and the emergency services would be on their way so I'd jump on a trail bike I just bought with one of the many credit cards I applied for during the planning stage of this day. A Honda XR250 probably, and make my escape across public footpaths and farmers fields, Spending a few minutes on the local golf course.
9-30am - 3. Push 'n' Roll Go to a skate shop and buy a brand new set up (Skateboard) go to a shopping centre and just have a roll on the perfect flat marble floors until I got stopped by the security guard. I reckon on about 5 minutes of lovely smooth rolling before I get stopped.
10:30am - 4. Sports car to London Jump in a hired Aston Martin and drive it up to London, buy myself some suits and and a few changes of clothes from the most expensive stores I could find. Then it's off to the Luxury Penthouse flat I've rented in Mayfair. To get changed and fuck about with the electronicy stuff for a bit.
12:30pm - 4. Sashimi death gorge out Go to a Japanese restaurant and order most of the menu, just to try everything and anything I fancy. Including Sea urchins.
2-30pm - 5. Expensive Hooker I'm a bit ashamed but it has to be done.
2-33pm - 6. chill for a bit er... maybe a jacuzzi
3:00pm - 7. Another Hooker Probably a black one.
3:30pm - 8. Some remorse
4:00pm - 9. Another Hooker or three Maybe just get two or three of them to sex up on the bed whilst I watch and video them.
6:30pm - 10. Dinner probably claridges with the three hookers
10:00pm - 11. Games console fest Spend the rest of the night playing all the latest games consoles inc. playstation 3 japanese import.
11:30pm - 12. Another Hooker Probably an asian.
11.58 - 13. Chocolate gorge out Eat a yorkie, walnut whip and flake.
[ 20.02.2007, 07:33: Message edited by: not... ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by sam: And he is quite an old guy too and he is my man.
Is he a dustman? Does he wear the associated headgear? Could his trousers best be described as "cor-blimey"?
My beloved - not my father, you understand - dresses extremely well, I will have you know and he works in an office and manages to look extremely sexy in his suit as well! And he is sexy and experienced and charming.
Which is quite enough chit-chat about my private life! Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: 3:00pm - 7. Another Hooker Probably a black one.
I just snorted mineral water through my eyes.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I like the fact that you peak so soon with the first hooker, then, having, erm, 'got rid of the backlog', the second gets a full half hour's not...-lovin', and the third session lasts 2 and a half hours.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Yep! There's no doubt, reading not's list that any hooker would be lucky to get a punter like him.
[ 20.02.2007, 07:32: Message edited by: sam ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: My beloved - not my father, you understand - dresses extremely well, I will have you know and he works in an office and manages to look extremely sexy in his suit as well! And he is sexy and experienced and charming.
I've given this a lot of thought and I think I'd like to rape both of sam's old men.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
How tall are they, sam?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
There's something about your avatar that tells me, New Way, that you are probably not a subtle bloke. Or you're a day-dreamer.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
You worked all that out from a picture of a dick-tipped glock?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: You worked all that out from a picture of a dick-tipped glock?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Dick tipped glock is just not the sort of phrase you get to drop into everyday conversation, is it?
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Sam that's a a great response. Next time someone asks me a question and I can't answer it, I'm just going to smile and wink at them.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Sounds like part of a nursery rhyme. Maybe starting with the words 'hickory dickory dock'
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Hickory dickory dock My nob's a dick-tipped glock I'm fully loaded But my end has eroded The chafing's a bit of a shock
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: Sam that's a a great response. Next time someone asks me a question and I can't answer it, I'm just going to smile and wink at them.
Imagine the laughs you could have with that. Shall we put it to the test?
[ 20.02.2007, 08:21: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Hickory dickory Dock I've got a Dick-tipped glock It's up my bum and now I've cum Dribbly jizified cock
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Hickory dickory Dock I've got a Dick-tipped glock The ricochet Will turn you gay and pimp you by the dock
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I used dock twice there, that just doesn't work.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Have I been sent to stand in the corner again?
[ 20.02.2007, 08:49: Message edited by: sam ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
You broke the boards, Sam. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
I'm sorry. Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
Louche - why don't you tell us what you would do? The silence from female posters would suggest that you either
a. Don't have any dreams and would probably 'just go to work as usual'
or
b. Have incredibly sick fantasies none of you dare share on account of them making the male orgies of rape, car crash and pillage look like an excerpt from Bargain Hunt.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: Have incredibly sick fantasies none of you dare share on account of them making the male orgies of rape, car crash and pillage look like an excerpt from Bargain Hunt.
I don't know about Louche, but yeah, this is exactly why I haven't posted.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: The silence from female posters
quote:Originally posted by ben: would suggest that you don't have any dreams
Or maybe they are afraid of telling you about their gentler dreams in case they get accused of sick practices.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
How hot does he look in his suit, sam? Don't sell it to me too much in case I start to fantasise about it outside of No Consequences Day.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Or maybe they are afraid of telling you about their gentler dreams
*shakes head*
quote:Originally posted by sam: It seems a shame that I couldn't affect the world permanently for what I do today as it would be pretty cruel to have the man who lives across the road come back to life after I murder him by repeatedly banging his f*ing head in the boot of his f*ing car.
*backs away from Sam* Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I probably wouldn't do anything, just in case the whole 'no consequence' thing turned out to be bullshit.
[ 20.02.2007, 10:34: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I think I might use the day to be really rude to anyone I don't like.
Starting with commuting, I'd snatch phones with annoying ringtones out of people's hands and chuck them out of the train window. I'd stand really close to anyone talking excessively loudly on their phone and do moaning spazz noises in their face until they hung up. I'd also point and laugh at people reading pleb books, and explain to them how they could be reading something proper. I would lean in on dew-eyed, squelch-kissing couples and say loudly, "your boyfriend just groped my arse". I'm hoping "no consequences" covers physical repurcussions, as I'd also like to tell fuck-tard teenagers who play shit hip-hop loudly through their shitty, tinny phone speakers on trains to FUCKING FUCK OFF. I'd really like to spit into the faces of sullen, loitering youths who gob on the pavement, but such is my upbringing I'm not sure I'd be physically able to. So instead I'd make them lick it up. I'd hang a banner at Earlsfield Station declaring that only those who can pronounce vowels correctly can alight.
Our neighbours in Wimbledon had this god-awful picture hung in their lounge, that you could always see though the window. You know the famous Warhol shots of Marilyn Monroe in the garish colours- they had a big print of that, only with the faces of mum, dad and the kids. I would ring on the door and tell them I thought it was a fucking abomination and they should be ashamed.
There's 29 years of sneering rage to vent in 24 hours, but I'd do my best.
[ 20.02.2007, 10:41: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
To be honest, Ben, I’m really struggling to come up with something to do on no-consequence day. I’m still a bit fragile, so grandiose suggestions about forumite sex or racing cars or different coloured prostitutes all seem a bit much. I think I’d probably use it to lie in bed with a book. Perhaps a posh hotel room bed, with a very good book. I’d have room service bring me breakfast, maybe make it to reclining on a chaise longue by lunch, clothed in a dressing gown so fluffy and comforting it’s almost the same as being under a duvet. I’d eat well at lunch, maybe mosy off into the bath mid afternoon. A posh bath would be nice, some kind of water movement that soothes. Then an evening with a couple of good films and champagne, because that seems decadent, and cheese and biscuits at nine. I suppose the most I could say is maybe I’d whack all that one the credit card and hey-ho it would be gone the next day. I’m not very exciting, am I?
And this whole post could probably be expressed as ‘I need a hug’.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Vogon's is much better.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I think I would start a few fires on no consequences day, drive/crash some cars, raid Boots and get loaded, push somebody in front of an oncoming tube train, and smash some things. Maybe priceless things in a museum. Wreck some art, burn some books. Kick a **** to death. Stab a beautiful woman. dropkick a baby. Tear a toddler limb from limb. Just general mayhem.
A man has been arrested today after a city-wide rampage across the capital, leaving a wake of destruction in his path. After killing hundreds of Londoners including women and children the man attempted suicide by driving a stolen bus into the Houses of Parliament. Luckily he escaped serious injury as he was wearing a seat belt.
A statement was issued by police this afternoon:
quote:We've spoken to the gentleman and all I can say at this stage is that he's obviously a very confused individual. When asked why he embarked on this pursuit, he told us that none of it mattered, and that he'd read on the Internet that today was No Consequences Day. We're continuing to look into this and appeal to members of the public to come forward if they have any information on the subject.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Our neighbours in Wimbledon had this god-awful picture hung in their lounge, that you could always see though the window. You know the famous Warhol shots of Marilyn Monroe in the garish colours- they had a big print of that, only with the faces of mum, dad and the kids. I would ring on the door and tell them I thought it was a fucking abomination and they should be ashamed.
You know, I don't live there anymore, so I may as well just do this anyway.
Louche, would you like a picture of some sea otters holding paws? Can I make a pic stored on photobucket come on here?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: Louche, would you like a picture of some sea otters holding paws? Can I make a pic stored on photobucket come on here?
It depends. Are they holding the mutilated paws of other sea based mammals? That might be a bit much for me. And you can make pictures from Photobucket come on the internet by clicking the button under the picture that says ‘generate IMG and HTML code', then copying and pasting the one that starts and finishes with IMG tags.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
so what's up with you, Louche?
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
When are the Government going to do something about this Internet? When?? Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
I'm just creating some advertising for my new venture, so far it's a female based service but in the future I hope to get some men on my books.
[ 20.02.2007, 11:16: Message edited by: not... ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
It's just all gone a bit tits up, Benway. I'll be alright by next Wednesday.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
lol@not
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
In fact, it's all about as good as not's image posting skillz.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
sorry to hear that. Which bit has gone tits up?
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
not...that's such a good idea! You could expand it to include a specialised hangover service with added soup and head stroking.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
also, that's very good, not. You should put a few up.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Oh, you know, just, you know. Stuff. Life. Things.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
have you got AIDS?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Life AIDS.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Do you not just need to 'get your shit together' or is it worse than that?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
AIDS of the life, eh? So what are you going to do to fix it?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Is your marriage ruined?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Would you like me to ring that number on Nots... advert and ask for a love prostitute?
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Cure for Life AIDS:
Edit: this one's better, as there's one washing it's ickle face while the others just hold paws, float and dream about tasty fishies.
PS there's plenty more where that came from.
[ 20.02.2007, 11:31: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
Also: Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: AIDS of the life, eh? So what are you going to do to fix it?
Stick my head in a gas oven a laPlath. But first I have to buy a cocking gas oven.
The sea otters made things a bit better, though. Ah, sea otters.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
sounds like you've got everything worked out then. That's something.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: also, that's very good, not. You should put a few up.
heh. Maybe I should put some up and link it to a unused mobile with a soothing female voice on ansafone and see if I get any calls.
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Would you like me to ring that number on Nots... advert and ask for a love prostitute?
Don't do that, it's a real prostitute's number.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Oh not...
If nothing else think of your poor child.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
not...'s ad = classic. I want it on a t-shirt.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Daddy won't miss you while you're away mummy. He's got a love constitute
[ 20.02.2007, 11:58: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
It's no wonder his family is riddled with VD.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
lol
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: Oh not...
If nothing else think of your poor child.
Way to harsh a boner.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: And this whole post could probably be expressed as ‘I need a hug’.
Sorry you're feeling so horrid.
Probably the worst advice I could give would be to recommend you go to this shockingly cynical attempt by Kleenex to seem like a company that somehow 'cares' for the users of this product. Behold the wretchedness and indignity of this corporately-engineered shoulder to cry on.
Rarely have I seen a site that better deserves contributions from a raiding party of tmo forites with a grudge against the world.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by ben: this corporately-engineered shoulder to cry on.
ew...
Posted by Dedalus (Member # 892) on :
quote:Originally posted by Bill Gates: Done, but with errors on page
No shit, Sherlock.
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: one of those bald, bearded guys who looks like his head is on upside down.
I reckon I'd try every drug I could get my hands on, just to see what they're all actually like consequence-free, also there would be a large portion of the day involving extreme violence and some old grudges, and the idea about having dinner in the most stupidly expensive restaurant imaginable quite appeals. Possibly all topped off with a declaration of undying love to someone way out of my league, just to see...
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Physic:
quote:Originally posted by sam: one of those bald, bearded guys who looks like his head is on upside down.
LOL
But why have a beard if you have no head hair? My dad won't explain. He just reminds me I'm not too big to get a slap when I ask him.
And before any of you ask - no! It is not foreplay; that would be just sick. Like your minds, you loonies.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I'm a bit turned on by the thought of Sam shagging her dad.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I'm a bit turned on by the thought of Sam shagging her dad.
No shit! Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
No, that would be disgusting. Faecal incest is where I draw the line.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: No, that would be disgusting. Faecal incest is where I draw the line.
Predictable.
Clearly incest is a family hobby for you. There's no need for me to ask how the recessive genes are panning out.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Pfft, you're not playing the game today are you. Rubbish.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I'll play Ringo. I imagine them on a holiday in the woods and they're need to fetch fuel for the fire in the cabin after only managing to find enough logs for an hours heat. Dad says 'I'm off to get some fuel, Samantha, but no mistakes this time. I'm going to grab my chopper firmly by the base and keep banging away until I'm spent'
To which sam does this face:
and a swannee whistle sounds.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Pfft, you're not playing the game today are you. Rubbish.
Think about it ringo.
How far down the 'game' of imagining yourself having sex with your mum would you want to go?
Now if you want to discuss the new, slimmer, and extremely taunt you and what I might do to ease you out of your tight riding pants.........mmmnnn.
On second thoughts; do I want to turn myself into the board's whore? The answer has to be, sadly, no. ralph would disapprove if I did that.
never mind. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: I'll play Ringo. I imagine them on a holiday in the woods and they're need to fetch fuel for the fire in the cabin after only managing to find enough logs for an hours heat. Dad says 'I'm off to get some fuel, Samantha, but no mistakes this time. I'm going to grab my chopper firmly by the base and keep banging away until I'm spent'
To which sam does this face:
and a swannee whistle sounds.
Maybe it wasn't the avatar; maybe something else told me you weren't subtle.
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: But why have a beard if you have no head hair? My dad won't explain. He just reminds me I'm not too big to get a slap when I ask him.
Eh? What the hell does head hair or lack of even have to do with having a beard? I have a beard for the same reasons I often had a beard when my hair was long enough to tuck behind my ears, because i) I like having a beard and think the stubbly/beardy look suits me, and ii) because in the cold weather it provides some extra protection against the elements.
If your dad doesn't answer you I'd imagine it's because he's as bemused by your reasoning as I am to be honest..
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I have a load of hair on my face because I'm a half-beardy c***t.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Also I've got no fucking chin.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
I've grown a beard over the past couple of months. I bought some special beard trimmers which keep it in fine fettle. It's only a very thin beard - not ralph-esque at all - and I'm told that it makes me look more 'manly'. I'm quite happy with it, all told.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I've got no fucking chin. What do you think about that, Zygote?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Physic:
quote:Originally posted by sam: But why have a beard if you have no head hair? My dad won't explain. He just reminds me I'm not too big to get a slap when I ask him.
Eh? What the hell does head hair or lack of even have to do with having a beard? I have a beard for the same reasons I often had a beard when my hair was long enough to tuck behind my ears, because i) I like having a beard and think the stubbly/beardy look suits me, and ii) because in the cold weather it provides some extra protection against the elements.
If your dad doesn't answer you I'd imagine it's because he's as bemused by your reasoning as I am to be honest..
If you bore any resemblance to what I meant, you would have known so the inevitable conclusion is that you don't look my dad. You would have to see my dad to understand.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Mr Bignuts, why do you have only half a beard? Does it have anything to do with having no chin?Do the ladeez like it? Do the ladeez like your beard zygote?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
bitches don't look twice at me. It's more about being lazy.
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: If you bore any resemblance to what I meant, you would have known so the inevitable conclusion is that you don't look my dad. You would have to see my dad to understand.
That doesn't even make any sense, what I'm asking you is how having a beard is in any way connected to having hair? You said what's the 'reason' for having a beard when you have no hair, I'm saying that the two things are totally unrelated, the reasons for having a beard or not having a beard remain the same regardless of what hair you might or might not have. It seems to me that you're the one who doesn't understand, because you seem to be totally misunderstanding the reasons for growing a beard. I'm not trying to be awkward here I just can't see any logic at all in what you're saying..
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Benway can't grow a proper beard as he has a face like a 14 year old boy. I'm not sure if this is morrored, y'know, downstairs, but I would assume: yes.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I've got no fucking chin. What do you think about that, Zygote?
Well, if it's any consolation, my chin isn't particularly prominent. In fact, it'd be fair to say that my chin is pretty fucking dire.
[ 21.02.2007, 07:20: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Benway can't grow a proper beard as he has a face like a 14 year old boy. I'm not sure if this is morrored, y'know, downstairs, but I would assume: yes.
Are you saying that my cock looks like a 14 year old boy?
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Do the ladeez like your beard zygote?
If you're referring to 'ladies' then I cannot speak for them all. My ex liked it. Other female friends have told me it makes my face look thinner and more defined. When I told the woman I've been seeing recently that I was thinking about shaving it off, she instructed me not to.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Benway can't grow a proper beard as he has a face like a 14 year old boy. I'm not sure if this is morrored, y'know, downstairs, but I would assume: yes.
Are you saying that my cock looks like a 14 year old boy?
I heard it looks like a pale pink version of Cleopatra's Needle.
[ 21.02.2007, 07:21: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I have about 5 days worth of beard growth right now. I think it makes me look a bit like a rapist
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
you'll be getting sam all worked up, nathan.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
anyway I had it tattooed with tiger stripes last summer.
[ 21.02.2007, 07:27: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Kickass! I recently put neon striplights on the underside and had my balls chrome plated.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
oh that sounds sweet. What kind of sound system you got on that sucker?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I replaced mine with a more eco-friendly solution.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I've got a spinning rim.
I have a pretty hefty beard right now. Pretty hefty. For the record, it seems that the ladeez, whatever the fuck they are, seem to love it. My girlfriend does and my mate got in a right strop a short while ago when a girl randomly walked up to us and said to me 'you have the best hair by the way, the best hair' and you'd have to be talking about the barnet/beard combo I think in those circumstances. She was pointing her finger and nodding her head in approval.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: oh that sounds sweet. What kind of sound system you got on that sucker?
[ 21.02.2007, 07:43: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
coal's not very eco friendly
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Honestly, leave you on your own for five minutes and you're all waving your cocks about.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Physic:
quote:Originally posted by sam: If you bore any resemblance to what I meant, you would have known so the inevitable conclusion is that you don't look my dad. You would have to see my dad to understand.
That doesn't even make any sense, what I'm asking you is how having a beard is in any way connected to having hair? You said what's the 'reason' for having a beard when you have no hair, I'm saying that the two things are totally unrelated, the reasons for having a beard or not having a beard remain the same regardless of what hair you might or might not have. It seems to me that you're the one who doesn't understand, because you seem to be totally misunderstanding the reasons for growing a beard. I'm not trying to be awkward here I just can't see any logic at all in what you're saying..
It's a family joke and perhaps because I can visualise my dad I am not conveying what I mean properly. My dad is a bald bloke with a very crinkly head. He also has a beard which is no ordinary beard. It is untrimmed and rampant. And he really does look as if his head is on upside down. We tease him a lot about it. He doesn't seem to mind, but neither will he explain why he would want to grow a shaggy beard when it clearly makes him look like that because of the way his baldy head is.
I thought you were understanding the joke and were being mock angry with me and exaggerating your own facial hair. You clearly were not.
Please don't have a go at me or ask me any more difficult questions because I am poorly, you know. I am sorry if you still do not understand and I am sorry if you don't like my explanation even now and I am sorry because it was no big a deal and it didn't mean anything much about anything. I will go and stand in a corner again.
*slinks off into the corner, despondently*
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
look what you did, physic. You made a girl off the internet cry.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
sam - AIDS?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I've made everybody go away haven't I?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
jerk
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I'm reading a conversation about TMO that isn't on TMO. It stars ralph, Chocolatebuns, salt rock and Kovacs. Odd.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Thorn gets a mention, but none of the rest of you do.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I wish I was as popular as thorn. I used to be king of the boards. Now look. A washed up has-been. A creaky old bastard, stuck in the past, unwilling to accept that things have moved on. Man, they used to love me. I'd whirl from thread to thread, sprinkling each one with magic. I waltzed with words, did the lambada with language, dazzled by the spotlights and enraptured by the audience's applause. But back then, things were different. We didn't have web 2.0. People used to read, but these days they just want to watch videos, flickr their photos, and digg news articles. There's not much room for my type any more. A dinosaur. It's change or die. Thorn moved with the times, got a new gig. Rolled with the punches. I just stood by and watched the world spin away from me.
*A single fat tear rolls down thickly caked make-up. It falls and soaks into dirty brown nylon. Nylon that used to be brilliant white*
[ 21.02.2007, 08:48: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I can't believe so many people who used to post on TMO are now ctive on other forums. I just assumed they all died.
*****!
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
whatever
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I wish I was as popular as thorn.
The trick is to be sycophantically nice/ flirtatious to some people, and viciously, relentlessly cruel to others. That way everyone wants to be your friend. If you're nice to everyone, no-one gives a fuck what you think of them.
[ 21.02.2007, 08:57: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
jesus even lady astro is over there
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I know, it takes the piss. Talk about a stinging sense of rejection.
Ah well, I guess all the shit people left and the good ones stayed. The shit people like Ralph. Stupid Ralph..
Also, where did Black Mask go?
[ 21.02.2007, 09:01: Message edited by: Ringo ]
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: I thought you were understanding the joke and were being mock angry with me and exaggerating your own facial hair. You clearly were not.
Please don't have a go at me or ask me any more difficult questions because I am poorly, you know. I am sorry if you still do not understand and I am sorry if you don't like my explanation even now and I am sorry because it was no big a deal and it didn't mean anything much about anything. I will go and stand in a corner again.
*slinks off into the corner, despondently*
I give up, I understood the joke perfectly, mocking bald people with beards for having an 'upside down head' is hardly a new one, we used to do it to a teacher at school, it's not like I got all irate and had a go at you...
All I asked was what your reasoning was for your stated opinion that a bald person somehow had less 'reason' to grow a beard, since the only reasons I can think of for growing a beard have nothing to do with hair length/absence. Seemed a pretty reasonable and straightforward question to me.
Forget it, it really doesn't matter..
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I always experience a pang of rejection when I see Bamba posting on Barbelith. It's got to the point where I'm almost able to keep posting in the same thread as him, but it's not easy. Now I've started seeing H1ppychick's name cropping up more and more, and that makes me flee the room in tears.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
astromariner was great. i really miss him.
also: who got an in-crowd huddle email today, then, eh?
[ 21.02.2007, 09:05: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:But you couldn't start a thread on TMO about the virtues of having your baps measured for size
If only they'd seen the nipple chart...
heh
quote: But their best thread recently involved everyone measuring their nipples
[ 21.02.2007, 09:07: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
I just skimmed about eight pages of that Mock Turtle thread, and I didn't see a single rape gag or mention of someone getting AIDS. It felt weird. Wrong. Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Perhaps someone should troll them.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: astromariner was great. i really miss him.
also: who got an in-crowd huddle email today, then, eh?
got mine yesterday, mr. incrowd.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: The shit people like Ralph. Stupid Ralph.
I think that was uncalled for. Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Perhaps someone should troll them.
You'll get me into trouble. They've got Philomel and Boy Racer as well.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
why did all those people leave tmo?
Is StevieX alive in some other place?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Physic: Forget it, it really doesn't matter..
I think the damage is done. Sam just pm'd me to tell me that she's really upset that you attacked her.
[ 21.02.2007, 09:29: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I feel really shunned by Saltrock. I....I don't know what to say.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
why did astro, sidney and saltrock all go? They all went at the same time didn't they?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: The shit people like Ralph. Stupid Ralph.
I think that was uncalled for.
Uncalled for? You just up and leave one day without so much as a goodbye and then suddenly we find you’re on another forum, posting about how you’d decided to leave us? What are we meant to think, Ralph, how are we meant to feel?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: why did astro, sidney and saltrock all go? They all went at the same time didn't they?
Surprisingly, my cock had nothing to do with this.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: why did astro,
I thought Astro left because of Kovacs and Saltrock left because she was too busy at work to post. I feel like they have both kicked me in the cock from opposite angles, such is the intense deceit.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
quote:Originally posted by Physic: Forget it, it really doesn't matter..
I think the damage is done. Sam just pm'd me to tell me that she's really upset that you attacked her.
Not too far off. I've been out and kicked the shed wall for a bit to vent and the cold air is very dangerous for someone as ill as me but he drove me to it.
I'm still really wound up though. What does this bloke want from me? Blood? Shall I fling myself off the top of a tall building? Would that satisfy him?
You ask him for me. I'm not talking to him.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
I remember once overhearing a conversation between two former forumites about The Mock Turtle. I piped up with "Oooh, what's that? Another board?" but received the reply "Oh, you wouldn't like it, no no no, not your thing at all." The conversation then stalled.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I am sorry I have brought the forum so much pain. I thought everyone knew that,like, other people are like in other places. I'm sorry TMO.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
physic, sam just posted on tmo that she's pretty hurt still, and is considering suicide.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I remember once overhearing a conversation between two former forumites about The Mock Turtle. I piped up with "Oooh, what's that? Another board?" but received the reply "Oh, you wouldn't like it, no no no, not your thing at all." The conversation then stalled.
That wasn't me, was it? You've induced a full frontal paranoia attack on me there, Sidney.
[ 21.02.2007, 09:43: Message edited by: Louche ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
so is everybody posting all over the internet? Is there anybody else here who only posts on TMO?
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: The shit people like Ralph. Stupid Ralph.
I think that was uncalled for.
Hallo ralph. I was sad when I thought you weren't going to post. Now I am smiling again.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
"scribble" on mock turtle - that's not scribble from tmo is it?
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Not too far off. I've been out and kicked the shed wall for a bit to vent and the cold air is very dangerous for someone as ill as me but he drove me to it.
I'm still really wound up though. What does this bloke want from me? Blood? Shall I fling myself off the top of a tall building? Would that satisfy him?
You ask him for me. I'm not talking to him.
I'm not sure if you're joking here and to be honest I'm past caring, I asked you a simple question as to what the logic was behind a statement you made, and not only did you completely fail to answer what was a very simple question, but instead you've repeatedly tried to play the sympathy card and make out like I'm some kind of asshole just for asking you a question. Forget it, I can't believe I wasted effort repeatedly trying to explain what was already a straightforward question.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: so is everybody posting all over the internet? Is there anybody else here who only posts on TMO?
I post on a drifting forum. That's about it. I don't, for instance, post on another forum which is basically like a slightly rubbish clone of TMO because I find that TMO is a bit too 'hardcore' for me.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: why did astro, sidney and saltrock all go? They all went at the same time didn't they?
I haven't left. I'm still here, being ignored or berated for no reason. Maybe I should go.
Astro left after being insulted by a certain poster - basically, there was a thread where the topic of surgery came up and Hippychick wondered how Astro had got on with her recent surgery and whether she would be able to share her experience. Astro, being the good natured, friendly person that she is, later posted to talk about her experience and shared some really personal stuff with the forum. The only response she got was from this certain poster who was really rude about her post and made her out to be some kind of medical freak. Astro stopped bothering with TMO after that and I can't say that I blame her. It makes me so sad to think that she'll never post her again but that certain poster continues to post regularly.
As for Saltrock, I have no idea. I did wonder about her, actually. I think that she was quite a nice person but then maybe that's why she left.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I think that'll probably do the trick, physic. She's as good as dead now.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
From The Mock Turtle's 'stillman':
quote:I'm still posting as Zygote! And Nathan Bleak/Dedalus.*
*I'm not.
Phew. *wipes sweat from brow*
I only really post on here, JBN. I've another little 'side project' on the go elsewhere, but I can't say any more about that.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
who was the certain poster, sidney?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche:
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I remember once overhearing a conversation between two former forumites about The Mock Turtle. I piped up with "Oooh, what's that? Another board?" but received the reply "Oh, you wouldn't like it, no no no, not your thing at all." The conversation then stalled.
That wasn't me, was it? You've induced a full frontal paranoia attack on me there, Sidney.
No, it wasn't you, Louche.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: certain poster
Don't do that. Who was it? Now I'm all paranoid it was me.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
sidney is trying to destroy TMO. Divide and conquer.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: who was the certain poster, sidney?
I'm not sure that I should name names but I will say that it wasn't Kovacs (only because NWOD stated him as the reason astro left earlier on).
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: so is everybody posting all over the internet? Is there anybody else here who only posts on TMO?
What, only post on here at all? Nah. I post on a music forum, a cycling forum, an IT contractors' forum and a web developers' forum. But I come to TMO for things like grinning a lot and speaking freely. I don't believe there is anywhere else on the Internet that can provide that.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
i'm tmo-only, but i'm hardly here much. not because i don't want to be, mind. just, y'know, work, and shit, and fuck and arse and all that.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Sidney - was it me? Just answer yes/no, then I'll know whether I'll be in the clear. Or not.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Presumably a search would reveal who the joker was. Not that I'm going to do one.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I'm not sure that I should name names but I will say that it wasn't Kovacs (only because NWOD stated him as the reason astro left earlier on).
Sorry Kovacs!
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: Presumably a search would reveal who the joker was. Not that I'm going to do one.
Me neither. I'm sure somebody else will already be on the case. Or not.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I only post on TMO. I often say I say "alright?" in not's shoutbox on last.fm, but that's not really posting is it.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: Is there anybody else here who only posts on TMO?
I can't really be arsed to post anywhere else.
Besides, like Misc said, threads without rape and AIDS jokes just seem a bit wrong and pointless.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
oh and seethru of course
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I don't think anybody here jokes about AIDS.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Sidney - was it me? Just answer yes/no, then I'll know whether I'll be in the clear. Or not.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I don't remember anyone being mean to Astro like that. Now I'm paranoid that it was me being flippant or something.
I can't believe Bamba prefers HB to us! Does Snorton still have his band of thicky "handmaidens" who agree with his BRING BACK THE BIRCH AND NATIONAL SERVICE response to all news stories.
[ 21.02.2007, 09:57: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
didn't bamba fuck up or something?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: [Uncalled for? You just up and leave one day without so much as a goodbye and then suddenly we find you’re on another forum, posting about how you’d decided to leave us? What are we meant to think, Ralph, how are we meant to feel?
Leave? I posted as recently as five days ago.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I feel guilty at the thought that I might have somehow broken Barbelith for Nathan. Not guilty enough to actually do anything though.
Also: Sidney, soz for being the unwitting harbinger of TMO-doom for astromariner.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Sidney - was it me? Just answer yes/no, then I'll know whether I'll be in the clear. Or not.
Me first, you cheeky man.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
no wonder this place is so dead if every **** is posting somewhere else.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:00: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
yeah, i thought lady astro was universally liked; very odd.
someone should start a state of the boards thread...
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Sam, when physic asked you the question you should have just done:
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: no wonder this place is so dead if every **** is posting somewhere else.
i 'resigned' (not stomp off) from drownedinsound but might go back. everyone loved me on there, except for the ones that hated me. good times.
i am totally shit on here now. i mean, totally. everyone is dead to me, especially you Benway.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:03: Message edited by: vikram ]
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Okay, I do post on another forum, however not for 'entertainment' purposes. It's a financial markets bulletin board. Very boring, but I'm on there all day with hundreds of other traders, sharing ideas and research - so it's an essential part of my day. I come here for my shits and giggles.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I haven't left. I'm still here, being ignored or berated for no reason. Maybe I should go.
As for Saltrock, I have no idea. I did wonder about her, actually. I think that she was quite a nice person but then maybe that's why she left.
Well, ok not completely left, but you used to post a lot, but now you mostly lurk.
Also, do you think that nobody here is nice?
[ 21.02.2007, 10:08: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: Also, do you think that nobody here is nice?
I'll take that question. There are some nice people here. Four to be exact.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Hippy - don't feel bad! You were just asking a question out of genuine interest and I imagine that Astro realised that and that was why she responded.
VP & Mart - yes, Astro was universally well liked and treated well by other posters on the whole. I, for one, miss her terribly.
Let's just say that the certain poster hadn't been posting for very long at the time, had only arrived here in the first place as a result of his stalking activity and has a habit of posting thoughtless and insensitive remarks in order to demonstrate his 'humour'.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I only post on TMO. I often say I say "alright?" in not's shoutbox on last.fm, but that's not really posting is it.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:10: Message edited by: not... ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Let's just say that the certain poster hadn't been posting for very long at the time, had only arrived here in the first place as a result of his stalking activity and has a habit of posting thoughtless and insensitive remarks in order to demonstrate his 'humour'.
Boy Racer. I knew he was bad.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Our survey said: it was Ralph
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Let's just say that the certain poster hadn't been posting for very long at the time, had only arrived here in the first place as a result of his stalking activity and has a habit of posting thoughtless and insensitive remarks in order to demonstrate his 'humour'.
Boy Racer. I knew he was bad.
Sounds more like ralph.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: had only arrived here as a result of stalking activity and has a habit of posting thoughtless and insensitive remarks in order to demonstrate his 'humour'
That could be any of us.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
It was certainly not ralph. My money's on Roy.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
*high fives ringo*
*misses*
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
No, Ralph it was actually you. I just looked.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
lol. some people need to grow a fucking spine, eh?
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
This is like Ulrika/John Leslie
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I haven't left. I'm still here, being ignored or berated for no reason. Maybe I should go.
As for Saltrock, I have no idea. I did wonder about her, actually. I think that she was quite a nice person but then maybe that's why she left.
Well, ok not completely left, but you used to post a lot, but now you mostly lurk.
Also, do you think that nobody here is nice?
It's certainly true that I lurk a lot more than I post these days. I think this is mainly because I just don't feel comfortable posting any more. Most of the posters that I was on friendly terms with have now left so it's like I'm talking to myself most of the time.
Also, I do think that some people on here are nice and some aren't, which is exactly what I would conclude when thinking about any other other social arena; there are always going to be people you like and people you don't like. I would also happily wager that everyone else here feels the same (that there are some people they like and some people they don't like).
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by Astromariner: imagine an anchor shape, with the curvy bit going under your boob, and the straight bit going up the middle, joining on to a circle all around your aurolas.
I'd really rather not, but thanks.
lol you cunt! Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
also: that **** darryn. never posts here any more. the bastard.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
lol@ralphiequote.
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: also: that **** darryn. never posts here any more. the bastard.
Poor lad has been sick of late - first time in eons he managed to come out for a drink, and he only lasted a pint and a half. Plus he has a real job now, poor buggar.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Moving away from introspection now, this made me laugh. Although it shouldn't have.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Who are the nice people and who are the not nice people Sidney?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
any sightings of gemini anywhere?
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I was so certain that it was me that was rude about Astromariner's description of her boob op, but fortunately the search function reveals I was supportive and romantic.
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis That description got me hard. It reminded me of this picture i saw on the internet where this chick had had her nipples nailed to a plank of wood.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:22: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Sidney I heard ages ago that you were a bit miffed because you thought I snubbed you at a meet. I want to say if I did, it was wholly unintentional. I hope I'm not one of the arseholes you mention.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
come on ringers, you're a right arsehole.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Who are the nice people and who are the not nice people Sidney?
Does it really matter who I think is nice and who isn't? It's just my opinion, after all. As I am sure you have your own opinions on who you like and don't like. You're just trying to be provocative, in any case.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
If it helps establish who the 'nice' and 'not nice' people are, I always got the impression that Sidney hated me - like really, really hated me - and deliberately ignored everything I wrote.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: any sightings of gemini anywhere?
Gemini was on TCL for a while She called Chocolatebuns fat or something and there was a row and she took the huff.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I was so certain that it was me that was rude about Astromariner's description of her boob op, but fortunately the search function reveals I was supportive and romantic.
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis That description got me hard. It reminded me of this picture i saw on the internet where this chick had had her nipples nailed to a plank of wood.
I was going to say that it could have been either of you, but considering that Sidney said the person who had made the comment had only been here a short while, I figure that ruled you out. The only other person who commented was Ralph.
Who presumably will now do the honorable thing and leave forever.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I think I'm probably not nice too.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:28: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Moving away from introspection now, this made me laugh. Although it shouldn't have.
Sidney, you can join my gang of not nice people if you want. It's ok.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: come on ringers, you're a right arsehole.
Yeah, heh. I am.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Sidney I heard ages ago that you were a bit miffed because you thought I snubbed you at a meet. I want to say if I did, it was wholly unintentional. I hope I'm not one of the arseholes you mention.
Lol, I don't think so Ringo! I was always getting blatantly blanked at meets but I don't specifically recall you ever doing that to me. FWIW, I always thought that you seemed quite shy at meets so if there was ever a lack of interaction, I'd have put it down to that.
I wonder who told you that?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Well it's fucking Consequence Day today, isn't it, hmm?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
A certain person...
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: You're just trying to be provocative, in any case.
What? I was curious. Not liking someone and dubbing them 'not nice' are two different things altogether. RE: I like Sidney even if laughing at cripples isn't very nice.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
It wasn't me Ringo. I'm one of the nice ones.
If it was really me, I will leave forever.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:31: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: If it helps establish who the 'nice' and 'not nice' people are, I always got the impression that Sidney hated me - like really, really hated me - and deliberately ignored everything I wrote.
Do you really think that, Thorn? I can't help but think that you're doing a spot of baiting there. Especially because I think that I've definitely responded to your posts. Just the other day, for example, on ben's valentine thread (I think) where you talked about Some Kind of Monster. I tried to join in then, honest I did guvnor.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Do you think there's a danger of you being too defensive Sidney, seeing as you're accusing people in a matter of minutes of trying to provoke or bait you?
That was an honest question. Although Ralph is threatening to go forever....ever.....ever.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:35: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
ouch! Bad luck thorn.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Physic: I'm not sure if you're joking here and to be honest I'm past caring, I asked you a simple question as to what the logic was behind a statement you made, and not only did you completely fail to answer what was a very simple question, but instead you've repeatedly tried to play the sympathy card and make out like I'm some kind of asshole just for asking you a question. Forget it, I can't believe I wasted effort repeatedly trying to explain what was already a straightforward question.
Look. I shall answer you as straight as I know how to but it's against my better judgement. In my experience, the more you explain, the more you risk being misunderstood. I really hope I don't make it worse.
First of all, until you said this, it didn't cross my mind that you could be made to look an asshole. I wasn't trying to make you look like one. I am not that devious - or clever, or whatever it takes. Anyway, you are the regular poster the others care about and I am the newbie that doesn't have a sympathy vote to call in yet. No-one seems overly sensitive about my feelings, let's face it. I seem to recall being asked if I have Aids today, and various images of my father and I having an incestuous relationship being bandied around over the last couple of days, for instance.
It doesn't strike me as a board you need to be sensitive on tbh.
In mind of the humour on here and the 'role' so far fitted to me, which I admit to enjoying if I am truthful, I don't think anyone would really take the upset 'girl from the internet' seriously, do you? If anyone believed I was upset, would it get me sympathy anyway? All it got me from jimmy was that Aids enquiry. [aside]LOL jimmy [/aside] I really assumed everyone would treat it as a joke.
So yes, I was joking, but that is because a) I thought I had answered your query as to why I was asking the question, and b) I don't like confrontation and prefer to defuse a situation with a joke. If that fails, I like running away from it very fast.
I do actually have a temper and I can tell you I have typed a couple of choice replies to you because I feel badgered and battered by your insistence I keep explaining myself. That isn't a plea for sympathy, that is genuinely how you are making me feel. But I haven’t posted them because I didn't mean to upset you and I am sorry I did.
So here is my straight answer to your question as to why I was asking about why a bald man would grow a beard. It had nothing to do with logic or reason. It had nothing to do with why bald men in general grow beards. It was because of a chain of connections I made between you and my dad.
The original question is specifically targeted at my dad because of the type of beard, extremely wild and bushy, he has chosen to grow, and the distinctive features of his bald head which make him really look as if his head is upside down.
When you replied with three growling faces, it looked as if you were being mock-horrified. Really. MOCK-horror, not really upset. So I made an assumption which would appear to have been a wrong one, that you were inviting me to respond to your mock anger because you were suggesting your head looked upside down too. In other words, you were joking with me.
That isn’t as mad as it sounds if you remember that it seems to be a classic tmo humour thing that if anyone makes statements about certain groups of people, someone else will claim to belong to that group and pretend to be upset. I thought that is what you were doing. Joking and inviting me to join in.
So I asked you the question I asked my dad. Joking back. See? There was very little to do with logic and a lot to do with misunderstanding in it. I really do know, in real life, that there is no real correlation between having a beard and having no head hair; it was just a joke about my Dad that went wrong because I thought you were going along with it. Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
lol
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Not liking someone and dubbing them 'not nice' are two different things altogether.
Eh? You've lost me now, I'm afraid. In my tiny mind, the connection goes like this; I don't like so and so because I don't think that they're nice.
Man, I do this kind of crazy opinion forming shit all of the time! Not just on boards either but like at work and stuff too!
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Today is turning out to be quite odd.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Sorry zygote. I think I have just slipped between your post and its topic!
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
sam, that was awesome.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
what excellently mental stuff on tmo today! well done everyone
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Do you think there's a danger of you being too defensive Sidney, seeing as you're accusing people in a matter of minutes of trying to provoke or bait you?
Nope. I'm being tongue in cheek. As I think others are too. For example, I'd be like really massively surprised if Thorn did think that I hated him and ignored all of his posts deliberately because that's not the case. So I assumed he's being a bit cheeky for a larf, innit.
However, if that really is Thorn's true opinion, then I'd feel kinda bad about it and wonder what I had done to give that impression.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Sorry zygote. I think I have just slipped between your post and its topic!
Yes. I was about to edit my 'lol' post, so that you wouldn't think I was laughing at your post. But, you've saved me the task of doing so now, and for that I thank you.
I think I love sam..
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I think you need to lie down with a stiff drink sam. Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I wasn't baiting, although it could well be a misperception on my part. Obviously you'd know for certain. It was just a sense I got, rather than being based on anything really concrete.
Along a similar vein I was suprised you described your reception on here as being "berated and ignored for no reason"; I was always under the impression that you were one of the most widely loved posters.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
sam -- will you marry me?
I'm being deadly serious.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
oh. i thought zygote's lol was well placed.
lol at me then, really.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Zygote 649. I'm receiving your transmission, over. Can you confirm you have a lol? Please confirm it's present trajectory. Over and out.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Nope. I'm being tongue in cheek.
Oh. I hope you don't put me in the not very nice list for being a fucking idiot. Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
I have this image of Physic and Sam standing with their backs to the Grand Canyon earnestly misunderstanding each other over facial hair, as Osama Bin Laden does a dance whilst on fire over the edge of the canyon.
I've been meaning to email Astro, Bamba and Sidney for a while, but as it's been so long I thought they might think it weird.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
so far I'm the only person on the not nice list by the looks of things.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I haven't looked at any other thread today - is there anything I should be checking out?
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I feel really sorry for sam - caught in the heavy duty fallout of Physic's massive self-loathing for his revolting freak-beard.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Sorry zygote. I think I have just slipped between your post and its topic!
If it helps I did a lol at your reply to Physic?
Posted by Physic (Member # 195) on :
Sam, I'm going to put this as clearly as I can:
1)I wasn't offended in the least by your original comment, the three 'angry' faces were indeed a jokey response.
2)I simply asked what the logic was behind what appeared to be an opinion that bald men had less reason to grow a beard, I was bemused and interested, nothing more.
3)I had no intention to badger you, you seemed to misinterpret my original question because you simply re-commented on the amusing appearance factor whicb wasn't what I was getting at, I restated my question as clearly as I could because I wasn't sure I'd been clear. If you felt badgered I apologise, that wasn't my intention.
4)Making repeated comments about being ill, and arguing not being good for someone as ill as you certainly smacked of seeking sympathy, if that wasn't your intention then fair enough, I apologise for making that assertion.
5)I'm hardly a regular on here, long gone are the days when I can get away with being slack enough work wise sadly Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: oh. i thought zygote's lol was well placed.
Nah - everyone saw the time of my post and sam's. It was blatantly an accidental touch of magic. It'll happen one day mart... one day...
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I think you need to lie down with a stiff drink sam.
Offer me a stiff something else, you bastard.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: I haven't looked at any other thread today - is there anything I should be checking out?
Nah, it's all happening here today Mart. W...what size are your nipples by the way?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: I haven't looked at any other thread today - is there anything I should be checking out?
Nah, just vikram wanking on about some band in the Glastonbury thread.
quote:Originally posted by vikram: did you enjoy the junior boys last night anne marie?
At least I hope it's a band...
[ 21.02.2007, 10:50: Message edited by: MiscellaneousFiles ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: I've been meaning to email Astro, Bamba and Sidney for a while, but as it's been so long I thought they might think it weird.
I'm sure Sidney can answer for herself, but I can guarantee you both Astro and Bamba would be sweetly delighted to hear from you.
In a similar vein, I often feel the urge to email Sidney, but don't, because I think it would be a bit wierd.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I think you need to lie down with a stiff drink sam.
Offer me a stiff something else, you bastard.
Jesus sam.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I wasn't baiting, although it could well be a misperception on my part. Obviously you'd know for certain. It was just a sense I got, rather than being based on anything really concrete.
Really? God. That's surprised me. FWIW, I don't hate you. I don't think that I've ever disliked you in any way at all! (insert winkle-wankle here). You make me lol on a regular basis and I admire your wordsmith/debate type skillz.
Along a similar vein I was suprised you described your reception on here as being "berated and ignored for no reason"; I was always under the impression that you were one of the most widely loved posters. [/QUOTE]
Well, that's really nice of you to say but it's not at all true. I think the pinnacle of my TMO achievement would be to say that I used to post a load of old guff on a regular basis and made a few friends but since those friends departed, I'm largely talking to myself or seemingly (and unwittingly, I hasten to add) annoying other posters.
Still, today's been a right old turn up! I'm, like, conversing with at least three to four people!
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: I have this image of Physic and Sam standing with their backs to the Grand Canyon earnestly misunderstanding each other over facial hair, as Osama Bin Laden does a dance whilst on fire over the edge of the canyon.
LOL
"...ernestly misunderstanding each other over facial hair..."
Oh LOL
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
.
[ 21.02.2007, 14:39: Message edited by: sam ]
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
I quite liked your stuff Sidney. Especially the time when you described your BJ technique and then deleted it after I read it. Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I'm largely talking to myself or seemingly (and unwittingly, I hasten to add) annoying other posters.
I can think of several exchanges already. Just yesterday I suggested that Louche and Abby use your box therapy for inner rage because it was a nod to something you had written that made me chuckle. You'll probably say it wasn't meant to be funny now and well, I'll take my chances.
not...! Look! The maddening, froth inducing winky is back. I took your advice and when a colleague asked me a question about something I smiled and winked and went back to work. He was really confused.
[ 21.02.2007, 10:59: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Zygote: sam -- will you marry me?
I'm being deadly serious.
I would as I am sure you are quite buff, but alas you are too young for me zygote. I prefer older men.
Like ralph......
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: but since those friends departed, I'm largely talking to myself or seemingly (and unwittingly, I hasten to add) annoying other posters.
I don't really 'know' anybody on here either - with the exception of the wonderful Louche - but that doesn't stop me from enjoying the forum. Having said that, I've always had a thing for being punished/spanked/ridiculed/etc. Long may it continue.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Veep & Louche - you can email me any time you like. You might feel wierd doing it but I won't think that you're wierd for emailing, if you see what I mean. Besides, I'm going to be on long term leave in just over a month and for the first two months of this, I'll be going out of my mind with boredom and the lack of adult company during working hours. So emails would be a welcome diversion and source of entertainment.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Offer me a stiff something else, you bastard.
quote:Originally posted by sam: I prefer older men.
Like ralph......
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: I quite liked your stuff Sidney. Especially the time when you described your BJ technique and then deleted it after I read it.
Ah, yes. Those were the days......
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: I would as I am sure you are quite buff, but alas you are too young for me zygote. I prefer older men.
Like ralph......
----><----
*places tubing over exhaust*
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
In your face Zygote!
high-fives self Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Yes, I am happy to confirm that Zygote is quite fit.
Sidney, I shall email you. I get all your news second hand from Astro and that's frankly rubbish.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: high-fives self
lol, ralph is giving himself a spack!
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Ralph is beardy! And older! It's like, y'know....
No hang on I said that wrong. But we're all thinking the same thing.
Except Physic, maybe.
[ 21.02.2007, 11:03: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
I am slightly nervous of chatting with anyone on here unless they have directly addressed me first. There is a fine line in humour that takes some getting used to and makes me very wary. Like riding the back of a tiger.
Which is why, Sidney, my conversations on tmo seem to only be about sexual perversions; because only the loonies are talking to me!
And the fact I flirt a lot.
Even so, it would be good sometimes on here to have a conversation with some who can actually converse. Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I haven't got the ability to have proper conversations any more. Even in real life, I just fire out cruel observations and pay no attention to what anybody else says.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Sam -
Also, I really liked your post earlier. [fonzycool]Eyyyyyyy![/fonzycool]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: I haven't got the ability to have proper conversations any more. Even in real life, I just fire out cruel observations and pay no attention to what anybody else says.
Don't despair totally, because your name is fun to type out, big nuts.
I do miss your posts though. Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Alright Sam?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
A quick google and I realise that most people say 'spam' not 'spack'
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Sam -
Also, I really liked your post earlier. [fonzycool]Eyyyyyyy![/fonzycool]
Thank you.
The long one? It took so long though. No-one can accuse the "maddening froth-inducing winky" of taking up a whole afternoon.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: A quick google and I realise that most people say 'spam' not 'spack'
Yeah, I was going to ask you what you meant by spack. But I was distracted by the thoughts of hopping on a plane to the UK and getting together with sam. Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
You've asked for it now sam...
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Dude, you saw it. She practically begged for it. Perhaps one day I can become the Ringo of the older generation.
[ 21.02.2007, 11:15: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Alright Sam?
H..h..hallo Misc.
I'm starting to feel nervous now. I am going to get over-excited and then you know what'll happen? I'll post and there'll be a big smile on my face and a warm, happy feeling in my tummy and ...
...BAMM!!!!!
The tiger'll turn and rip into me.
I didn't understood it, but the ground felt firmer when jimmy was asking me if I had Aids.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Let's not lose sight of the fact Sam clearly wanted some ringo loving way before she even knew Ralph or Zygote existed.
I've still got it.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Poor Benway must feel terribly left out.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I've still got it.
AIDs?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
That's for you, Sam.
[ 21.02.2007, 11:19: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I've still got it.
AIDs?
Let me know if you want it back
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Let me know if you want it back
Oof to me! Nice comeback.
Is your beard as good as this though?
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
lol nobody has as good a beard as yours, ginger-downs-jesus...
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: lol nobody has as good a beard as yours, ginger-downs-jesus...
TAG.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
oh lol at nwod christ superstar
[ 21.02.2007, 11:26: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
You must have to use shitloads of conditioner on that, NWOD.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
Oooh nice beard Mikee!
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
For the record my head is at an angle. It doesn't taper to an inch in width in real life.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Everytime he posts a picture NWOD manages to look completely different from the last picture he posted. It's a real talent that. In my 4 years on TMO my appearance has changed not one jot. Except I have got slightly fatter.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
I was listening to Know by System Of A Down when your picture flashed up, Mikee. It certainly had a ring to it. You should work with it. Go for a heavier sound.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Can I post a funny I just read.
Michael Kelly is my other favourite website after TMO:
[ 21.02.2007, 11:35: Message edited by: mart ]
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Zygote: I was listening to Know by System Of A Down when your picture flashed up, Mikee. It certainly had a ring to it. You should work with it. Go for a heavier sound.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
lolol Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I can't believe you got hair props, Mikee. Also, lol at beard/clothing clash.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Oh misc.
crosses misc off nice tmo poster list
[ 21.02.2007, 11:35: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
you know i had a feeling i'd larry'd you before, sam. and i was right.
non-sequitur: my boss said to me today: "over the next six months you should be doing a sort of amateur MBA in your spare time; read everything you can on marketing - forget novels, just read up on marketing, that's all"
mmm yeah ok.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
are you really shit at marketing?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
terrible
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Dear lord in heaven NWOD, what the hell is that on your face?
My nipples are OVER AN INCH across. Each.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
*falls off chair* Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: are you really shit at marketing?
Speaking of marketing, I am being absolutely shit hot this week. I've got press coverage coming out of me ears at the moment, even for stupid shitty non-stories that i never thought any fucker would print. Add in competition wins, high profile coverage in key sector reviews, someone writing a book on us, and some decent rescue work on formally crappy brochures, I feel - for the first time ever - really pleased wiht the work I'm doing, rather than horribly guilty at the disastrous mistake my company made in hiring me.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Heh. Cheese.
We should have a comeback thread.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
oh yeah, nipples, i'd forgotten.
mine are like a rice krispie cut in half widthways, stuck in the middle of a 10p coin.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by saltrock: My nipples are OVER AN INCH across. Each.
Just to confirm - that's the nipples themselves, not the areola?
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Swotty gayboy loves his job!
My nips remain an unmeasured enigma. Far more alluring that way.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles:
quote:Originally posted by saltrock: My nipples are OVER AN INCH across. Each.
Just to confirm - that's the nipples themselves, not the areola?
Christ on a bike love! If it were just the nipple that would be like, deformed!
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
*Punches the air* PR0pZ teh EssJay!
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: Can I post a funny I just read.
Michael Kelly is my other favourite website after TMO:
That is excellent and lolsome. I wish that walrus trees really existed.
[ 21.02.2007, 11:52: Message edited by: Sidney ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: My nips remain an unmeasured enigma. Far more alluring that way.
Yes, my brief urge to measure my nipples for TMO was quite easily quashed. They are a perfectly reasonable size, that is all anyone needs to know.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I held mine up to the screen against an image of a metric ruler. I guess I just care more.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: *Punches the air* PR0pZ teh EssJay!
Will it look really gay if I say I've missed you? Oh sod it. I don't care if does -
I've missed you!!!! xxx
I wandered over after all the talk on TMT.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I held mine up to the screen against an image of a metric ruler. I guess I just care more.
Can I take back what I said earlier?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I held mine up to the screen against an image of a metric ruler. I guess I just care more.
Can I take back what I said earlier?
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I held mine up to the screen against an image of a metric ruler. I guess I just care more.
Can I take back what I said earlier?
Um, probably not. It's out there and will be brought up in years to come for some vague, bizarre reason. That'll learn you!
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Awwww, thanks for popping by. I feel like this picture now:
That means I've missed you. Obvs, in fear of looking like an ungrateful and emotionally stunted prick.
[ 21.02.2007, 12:12: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by saltrock:
quote:Originally posted by sam:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I held mine up to the screen against an image of a metric ruler. I guess I just care more.
Can I take back what I said earlier?
Um, probably not. It's out there and will be brought up in years to come for some vague, bizarre reason. That'll learn you!
Hi. It's good to 'meet' you and Sidney. I don't know you at all, though I remember a bit of Sidney's posting.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
quite an interesting day on tmo. I'm glad that sam is back.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
we should have a meet where we all get to try it on with sam. London's the best place for a meet. The Cock on Great Portland Street.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Isn't that guaranteed to end badly?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Yeah, I should start threads more often.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts: we should have a meet where we all get to try it on with sam.
lol. I'm in.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
It's the cross board pollination, Misc. That's the key. That and the fact that a bit of nostalgia is good for the soul.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
it would lead to all the boys growing judds, though, which would be interesting
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I suppose I'd better return home and face 'THE RACK OF DEATH'
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I find Louche's online persona pretty attractive, if I'm honest.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
Laugh? I cried.
Can you all come to Leicester?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I don't think so, sam. It's The Cock on Great Portland Street.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
.
[ 21.02.2007, 12:18: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I find Louche's online persona pretty attractive, if I'm honest.
Could we construct a TMO Hott-o-Bott from components of TMO femmes? H1ppy's voice would be in there for starters.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
VP's nips, as they're an unmeasured enigma.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I forgot about H1ppy's voice. It's astonishingly sexy..
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
what are judds, mart? Are they like mamms?
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I forgot about H1ppy's voice. It's astonishingly sexy..
Is it anything like the Caramel bunny?
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jimmy Big Nuts:
Lol, does that placard there read "Don't do it, Sam! It'll all end badly!"
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
I feel I should explain that I am not expecting anyone to agree to come to Leicester. I mean, Leicester. As if.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: I mean, Leicester. As if.
Don't be downhearted. It's more likely than a Milton Keynes Meat.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Ringo's left me speechless. This is rare.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
TMO people may vaguely remember Meg, who lived in Leicester...
I will agree though, don't go to Leicester, it's bollocks and full of darkies.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Ringo's left me speechless. This is rare.
In a good way I hope. Sorry, I just had that welling up inside me and needed to get it out. You're one of my favourite posters, even though you more or less completely ignored me in real life.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: what are judds, mart? Are they like mamms?
massive beardiness! ewwwww (worksafe)
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I have never been to Leicester and don't even know where it is. I sometimes vaguely think I should try and bob down to London to meet people as that would be nice. But it seems like too much effort. I haven't decided what my Annual London Excursion will be this year, though. I suppose it could involve Some TMO.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Meg was lovely, Ringo. Really nice. I'm glad you and her didn't work out, really, because she deserved a lot better.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Lol, does that placard there read "Don't do it, Sam! It'll all end badly!"
LOL
One can live in hope, Sidney, one can but live in hope. Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: In a good way I hope. Sorry, I just had that welling up inside me and needed to get it out. You're one of my favourite posters, even though you more or less completely ignored me in real life.
Yes, in a good way. And I didn't really mean to ignore you in real life. I like you really quite a lot, you know.
Oh, it's proper love-in this afternoon, isn't it?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Phew! That's a relief. I'd prefer to imagine benway, nwod et al all sporting luxuriantly hirsute facial hair rather than a massive pair of knockers each.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Is it anything like the Caramel bunny?
Imagine the Caramel bunny tickling your frenelum with a feather dipped in Banana Yazoo and you're halfway there.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: But it seems like too much effort.
Sounds like you've already got the London attitude down.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
That site is awesome.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: I feel I should explain that I am not expecting anyone to agree to come to Leicester. I mean, Leicester. As if.
Well, I'm on the other side of the midlands to you, in Staffordshire. Maybe one day you might, you know, fancy a trip to Birmingham or some other halfway point?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Oh, it's proper love-in this afternoon, isn't it?
Enough so to once and for all forgive and forget? Bury the hatchet?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
KINELL! Good beard promotional security there.
[ 21.02.2007, 12:34: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
We could triangulate Staffordshire and Leicester against Manchester, pick somewhere in thye middle and have a Louche, Sidney, Sam and Zygote meet?
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
You could do that, but it won't be officially recognised.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: We could triangulate Staffordshire and Leicester against Manchester, pick somewhere in thye middle and have a Louche, Sidney, Sam and Zygote meet?
That would be excellent. I might have to finish gestating first though, so I can get bladdered and that. And fit on normal sized chairs. And have a pelvis that works again.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: [QUOTE]Oh, it's proper love-in this afternoon, isn't it?
It's been cool. I'm going to be sorry when my sick note runs out at the end of the week.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: [QUOTE]I might have to finish gestating first though, so I can get bladdered and that. And fit on normal sized chairs. And have a pelvis that works again.
Oh that is sweet! When are you due? Do you know what you are having?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Do you know what you are having?
I'm no expert, but I suspect she's having a baby.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph:
quote:Originally posted by sam: Do you know what you are having?
I'm no expert, but I suspect she's having a baby.
Dry ralph. Dry.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Sorry sam. I'm not feeling the love today. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Sorry sam. I'm not feeling the love today.
Dry is good. You make me smile.
Sorry you're not feeling the love. Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam: Dry is good. You make me smile.
Sorry you're not feeling the love.
Thanks sam. I'm glad.
I'm sorry too. I thought maybe today was the day but it appears that it's not. Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
still here then Ralph...
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
for now Ringo. for now.
Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
Blimey, this thread has turned in to a great big clusterfuck.
I daren't measure my nipples and join the in-crowd as I think I may scare myself.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
alright CB?
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
lol
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney:
quote:Originally posted by Louche: We could triangulate Staffordshire and Leicester against Manchester, pick somewhere in thye middle and have a Louche, Sidney, Sam and Zygote meet?
That would be excellent. I might have to finish gestating first though, so I can get bladdered and that. And fit on normal sized chairs. And have a pelvis that works again.
I'll be up for that. It'll be a laugh, provided me and Louche don't steam through four bottles of wine in the space of an hour or so, before passing out and wondering momentarily where we are. That was one blurry fucking evening...
[Louche - have you still got my email address?]
Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: alright CB?
Yup, you ok Ringers?
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Fuck me - today really has been one hell of a fucking reunion... Incredible.
Edit: Congratulations on the thread, Misc. !
[ 21.02.2007, 14:04: Message edited by: Zygote ]
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
All that's missing now is Roy. You there, Roy? Roy? ROY?!?
eta: *sigh*
[ 21.02.2007, 14:09: Message edited by: ralph ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by chocolatebuns:
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: alright CB?
Yup, you ok Ringers?
Yeah, not so bad I guess. See 'it begins' for some kind of recent update on where I am with my life right now.
But yeah bob on for the most part.
I hope all our prodigal friends stay for good. I miss the days when you couldn't read and refresh fast enough to keep up with the chats.
Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
It's highly unlikely I'll ever be a prolific poster on TMO again. My life is just world's apart from everyone else's and I feel I have bog all to contribute that would be of any interest you lot.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
That never stopped me. Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
Stupid ralph.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I still love you, Fanny.
Posted by froopyscot (Member # 178) on :
Fwiw, it's nice to see you back, chocbuns. Stick around a while.
Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
Hey froops, how's life? Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Ey Up Choc!
Zygote, that night was messy. The day after was even messier. I haven't got your email address any more. I deleted it when I thought you'd fallen off the interweb and died. You can get me on latzer@gmail.com but remind me you've emailed me, I don't check that account very often as I only use it for registering for things where I don't want to use my real actual name.
Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I still love you, Fanny.
I still wish you didn't.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Me too.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: remind me you've emailed me
Have done.
[Is your old address still in action? I still have it somewhere...]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Zygote: [Is your old address still in action? I still have it somewhere...]
I dunno. If it's not a gmail or work one, I don't check it. I do have 46,098 email accounts as a result of a month dedicated to trying to get round the no webmail filter. And failing.
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
Sam, was it you talking about the jazzy hair extensions a while ago? If so, and if you live in Leicester, were you at Autonomy a few weeks ago?
If the answer to all these questions is 'yes' then we may have already had an almost Leicester-Meat.
If not carry on as you were...
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by sam:
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: [QUOTE]I might have to finish gestating first though, so I can get bladdered and that. And fit on normal sized chairs. And have a pelvis that works again.
Oh that is sweet! When are you due? Do you know what you are having?
I'm not due until the end of May but I've already acquired a bump of astonishing proportions. So, if we were do to this meet thang, it might be good to do it either before I need a harness and pulley type affair to get me out of chairs and through doorways or wait until some time later on in the summer.
I must say that it's good to see all of these prodigal posters return! I just wish Astro would come back now as well. And Elvis. And Raz. And Philomel. And Jonesy (who seems to be MIA).
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I miss Elvis.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Me too. I used to have a great big crush on him. He was ace. I spoke to him on Raz's phone once but got all jittery and teenage and starting worrying that I was being dull and tiresome so I offered to pass the phone back to Raz. Elvis responded by asking if I was bored with him or something. Yet again, I totally blew that one.
Posted by Amy (Member # 11) on :
ChocBuns- did you happen to get my letter? I sent three out around the same time, one to you, Bailey and Esmeralda but real mail seems to be taking ages recently.
Glad to see you posting though!
Posted by chocolatebuns (Member # 362) on :
Congrats Sidney - I had no idea you were up the duff!
Amy, I did, I've just not replied. I'm a crap penpal. Sorry.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
So who's missing from the LoveClub ?
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
Woah. This is like being at a seance or something.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I'm not due until the end of May but I've already acquired a bump of astonishing proportions.
Congratulations. Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: Sam, was it you talking about the jazzy hair extensions a while ago? If so, and if you live in Leicester, were you at Autonomy a few weeks ago?
If the answer to all these questions is 'yes' then we may have already had an almost Leicester-Meat.
If not carry on as you were...
Alas, it wasn't me. For part of the year I live near Leicester but I prefer Nottingham. Last time I was in Leicester was to visit a mate in hospital.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
Great stuff. Except that it's now dead, I suppose.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:One expert said calamari rings made from it would be like tractor tyres.
Mmmm...
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: And! They measure it in buses:
Great stuff. Except that it's now dead, I suppose.
The Routemaster? Yes, that is sad.
Posted by vikram (Member # 98) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I must say that it's good to see all of these prodigal posters return! I just wish Astro would come back now as well. And Elvis. And Raz. And Philomel. And Jonesy (who seems to be MIA).
Yes, what happened to Jonesy? Did Benway kill him? Philomel is alive and well and lovely. It was Raz's birthday on Friday but of course he is beyond such worldly concerns.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
Elvis rocked.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: Me too. I used to have a great big crush on him. He was ace. I spoke to him on Raz's phone once but got all jittery and teenage and starting worrying that I was being dull and tiresome so I offered to pass the phone back to Raz.
Oh oh oh! I am so envious you got to talk to Elvis. I would like to have talked to Elvis. It would have been like communicating with some kind of god.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
I remember that I couldn't think of anything to say and laughed a lot. Jittery and teenage, like I said. For shame.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I remember the first time I spoke on the phone to someone from the internet. It was Turbo, ringing because I'd given her quite frankly arse directions to my house. I remember that it was something of a shock, for some reason. I came over all posh and laughed a lot. I think haughtily.
I would still like to hear what missgolightly sounds like. And Elvis.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
I remember the first time I talked to an internet weirdo on the phone. I was desperately trying to talk Gods Plumber out of the killing spree he was planning. To this day I'm not certain if I was successful or not.
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: I would still like to hear what missgolightly sounds like.
I'm quite willing to phone you if you like, as I am now quite intrigued about what you sound like too. Pink recorded my voice the other day, and it sounded a bit more scouse than I thought it did, and even he seemed surprised by how it sounded on tape. I'm sure it's not as exciting as you seem to think though, so don't get your hopes up.
I remember the first time I spoke to Pink on the phone, I was really nervous and he sounded really well spoken, and completely different from anyone I'd ever spoken to before, and it was quite strange after spending so long talking on msn.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Can someone not technically challenged like myself arrange the first tmo phone meet?
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
I think the biggest shock I got speaking to someone from the internet was when I first met Dr Benway. I was expecting - judging by his eloquent and clear minded posts - him to be well spoken, calm voiced and classy. Instead, he sounded like a car thief.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
Can Skype do that sort of thing?
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by missgolightly: I'm quite willing to phone you if you like, as I am now quite intrigued about what you sound like too. Pink recorded my voice the other day, and it sounded a bit more scouse than I thought it did, and even he seemed surprised by how it sounded on tape. I'm sure it's not as exciting as you seem to think though, so don't get your hopes up.
I am actually quite up for this, though it would be a bit odd. Also, I am now slightly worried that I'm one of the mad people missgolightly attracts.
I sound quite northern. My flat vowels are back.
Posted by sam (Member # 884) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: I remember the first time I talked to an internet weirdo on the phone. I was desperately trying to talk Gods Plumber out of the killing spree he was planning. To this day I'm not certain if I was successful or not.
Presumably there would have been a report of a mass killing afterwards, if not.
Unless this is some sort of tmo in-joke I don't get.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I wasn't prepared for ben's infuriating stammer.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
I can say that because ben and I laugh about it now, but when somebody takes nearly two minutes to say "hello how are you", it becomes very uncomfortable if you're not used to it.
[ 22.02.2007, 08:40: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: I am actually quite up for this, though it would be a bit odd. Also, I am now slightly worried that I'm one of the mad people missgolightly attracts.
How about we email each other a bit first, or talk on msn, sort of build up to it, otherwise I think I may just be able to say "erm, hello, I'm missgolightly" in a nervous voice before I get scared and run out of things to say. My email/msn is elevatorgirlace@hotmail.com
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by missgolightly: How about we email each other a bit first, or talk on msn, sort of build up to it, otherwise I think I may just be able to say "erm, hello, I'm missgolightly" in a nervous voice before I get scared and run out of things to say. My email/msn is elevatorgirlace@hotmail.com
Deal. It's a while since I've had an internet project thingummy of any sort. We can start with talking about people on TMO and then gradually branch out into other conversations before crossing the phone barrier. Cool! My MSN thingummy is latzer@gmail.com, but I only downloaded it a week ago and I haven't used it yet and I have no friends.
Also, my laptop is Skype enabled or something but I don't know what it does.
Posted by saltrock (Member # 622) on :
quote:Originally posted by missgolightly:
quote:Originally posted by Louche: I am actually quite up for this, though it would be a bit odd. Also, I am now slightly worried that I'm one of the mad people missgolightly attracts.
How about we email each other a bit first, or talk on msn, sort of build up to it, otherwise I think I may just be able to say "erm, hello, I'm missgolightly" in a nervous voice before I get scared and run out of things to say. My email/msn is elevatorgirlace@hotmail.com
Just like internet dating. Schweet!
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
Cool, sounds like fun. Our pc has skype too apparently, but I've never used it. At least we'll have a bit of time to figure it out, right? Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
thank you for being so kind to me in your earlier post, Thorn.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
We had a Skype-a-thon a way back. It was excellent. I like that your laptop is 'skype enabled' - lol. Some consumers are suckers. They should have stuck a glossy starry sticker on it that said 'runs programs' or 'computery and shizzle'
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I remember when I was a skypin' with mickey and hipey, and I totally forgot my skypequette and belched loudly into the mic. What a dreadfully embarassing thing to do. I think I laughed like a retard who just found his dick.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
....and H1ppy said the loltastic spoonerism 'runny babbits'
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by saltrock: Just like internet dating. Schweet!
Pink has just accused me of planning to have an affair with Louche. Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
You could do a lot worse
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I spoke to Dang briefly on Skype. I found it disturbing. He didn't sound like Phil Hogan.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
wotcha, herbs
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
How was NYC herbs? You get that big snowstorm while you were there?
Posted by missgolightly (Member # 34) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: You could do a lot worse
Oh yeah, definately. I got the impression he wouldn't mind that much if I did anyway.
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
Won't be long before Louche is sitting in a special chair. Again.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: How was NYC herbs? You get that big snowstorm while you were there?
Sure did. It was a mere three inches in the city, but once it had been shovelled off the pavements and pushed up by the cars, it was about 3ft in the gutters, meaning an icy scramble whenever crossing the road.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs:
quote:Originally posted by ralph: How was NYC herbs? You get that big snowstorm while you were there?
Sure did. It was a mere three inches in the city, but once it had been shovelled off the pavements and pushed up by the cars, it was about 3ft in the gutters, meaning an icy scramble whenever crossing the road.
Sounds like fun! At least it was enough to cover the trash that usually lines the streets. It probably even gave the homeless a festive look.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
I might be doing a long weekend in NYC soon - suggestions for activities and so on welcome!
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
You've come to the right place, baby.
A whizz around the harbour to Ellis Island is groovy - the immigration place is pretty hardcore Go to the Rainbow Rooms on the 67th floor of the Rockerfeller Center for a drink at sundown and watch the lights come on. Go to Henry Bendels department store. Metropolitan Museum of Art, especially the entire wing holding a temple MoMA (listen out for Woody Allen intellectual types, and have lunch in any of the cafes. mmm) Guggenheim Walk around Soho, the West Village, East Village, and buy loads of lovely things
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
That's all excellent good stuff! unfortunately I'd be going with someone who's been to NY many times and only really wants to hit the shops, but hopefully I could persuade her into doing a few touristy things as well.
Did you visit the statue of Liberty or Empire State Building? Meatpacking district?
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Didn't go to the Sof L, as you can't go up it due to being an Islamic Terrorist threat. ESB is good, but you get a better view from the Rockerfeller Center, as you can see ESB from there.
I tried to go to the top of a couple of tall towers, but couldn't find them. I got some right funny looks when I asked directions and pointed to a map.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: We had a Skype-a-thon a way back. It was excellent. I like that your laptop is 'skype enabled' - lol. Some consumers are suckers. They should have stuck a glossy starry sticker on it that said 'runs programs' or 'computery and shizzle'
Are you dissing my computer buying skillz there, Mikee? And I have a Skype logo. I assume I buy some form of headset, plug it in, click the logo and suddenly I am in the middle of scintillating conversation about the Finnish military and Dang's reflections on Sven Hasselhoff or whatever his name is?
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Didn't go to the Statue of Liberty, as you can't go up it due to being an Islamic Terrorist threat.
I thought Americans didn't do irony. Sounds like they've discovered it big time there.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Are you dissing my computer buying skillz there, Mikee? And I have a Skype logo. I assume I buy some form of headset, plug it in, click the logo and suddenly I am in the middle of scintillating conversation about the Finnish military and Dang's reflections on Sven Hasselhoff or whatever his name is?
Not at all. I'm dissing the cynical marketing ploy of people who stick a 'skype enabled' sticker on something.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
While we're getting advise on glamourous and glittering big cities, has anyone visited Preston at all? I'm out for work drink up action there next Wednesday ( ) evening. I don't want to miss any of the big attractions, so if someone could list them here then that would be great.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
quote:Originally posted by dang65: I don't want to miss any of the big attractions, so if someone could list them here then that would be great.
The station has frequent services to Manchester, Glasgow, Edinburgh and London. And Blackpool, but you won't be wanting to go there. What with them not having got the Super Casino and everything. *does mean laugh at Blackpool behind hands*
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay:
quote:Originally posted by Louche: Are you dissing my computer buying skillz there, Mikee? And I have a Skype logo. I assume I buy some form of headset, plug it in, click the logo and suddenly I am in the middle of scintillating conversation about the Finnish military and Dang's reflections on Sven Hasselhoff or whatever his name is?
Not at all. I'm dissing the cynical marketing ploy of people who stick a 'skype enabled' sticker on something.
Like sticking 'iPod ready!' on any piece of audio equipment with a line in, ie everything with a speaker manufactured since the sixties.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Or an MP3 player that lists 'Plays podcasts' as a separate feature, as though the machine gives a fuck whether your MP3 is a music track, a radio show or an audio grab of pigs farting into blancmange.
Posted by ben (Member # 13) on :
I'm organising ghost-poster Omikin's stag do at the moment. Do you think I should get a bunch of tee-shirts printed up with 'Pussy Enabled' or 'Vadge Ready' or somesuch for the stags to wear when we hit town? Eh? Eh?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Exactly! Hey everyone! This laptop is capable of running a small program and the soundcard on it is much better than ones from 1995! Woo!
ben: I suggest 'pussy enabled' on the front, 'vadge ready' on the back for maximum effect. Maybe a picture of a girl wearing a bodystocking, riding a superbike on the sleeves.
[ 22.02.2007, 10:37: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Is he marrying Sky? She was very attractive. I mean she might still be, buut I can't vouch for her 'present day' look. I only saw her about three years ago. She was attractive then. She might look like dogshit now. I just don't know.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Can we have Omikin back? I liked Omikin. Lookit me. Over the last few days I've sounded like some sort of dribbling Downs person, smiling my love for the whole forum.
There are some people I don't like. Just for the record.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I bought a potted plant the other day from the garden centre. It's no ordinary plant though, this one can do photosynthesis. It cost a bit extra but it's worth it really. You have to keep up with the latest developments...
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Actually, 'Clem Squad' sounds alright.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
I thought fish was vadge-readying Sky. Or am I behind the times.
What happened to OhMyQuim? I have a dim recollection of a hissy fit with another boy. Roy, perhaps. My mind's not what it was... pass the battenberg, there's a dear.
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
What about Damo? Does anyone know what he is up to? I presume he is still in Nashville, all wifed up.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: I thought fish was vadge-readying Sky. Or am I behind the times.
Dude, your intel is way fucked. That was in the long long ago. Next thing you know you'll be asking whether Benway is having a secret affair with Amp.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I think Omikin fell out with Black Mask. Damo! Didn't Damo come back? To the UK? Perhaps he's not posting in case I stalk him again. Or stork him, even.
Posted by herbs (Member # 101) on :
Didn't Thorn once fancy Octavia?
[ 22.02.2007, 10:48: Message edited by: herbs ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
About 5 minutes before orgasm I imagine.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by herbs: Didn't Thorn once fancy Octavia?
True fact: VP used to tease me about Octavicrush, back in the day - I mean really long ago, back when I use to complain that she was getting married. Every time I did something moderately disgusting (eg, sit on the sofa wanking until I came in my own eyes), she'd say "What would Octavia think of that? Mm?"
Anyway, now I know for a fact that what Octavia thinks of that is: she doesn't like it and keeps asking me to put some paper down first.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
You see what I did there? I made Thorn look all like 'yeah whatevers and shit' about Octavia when even now I imagine he'd crawl through a tube tunnel of hyperdermic needles filled with gay just to look at a crayon drawing of her shit.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
quote:Originally posted by mart: What about Damo?
Everytime I see the name 'Damo' mentioned on here, my heart leaps into my mouth and beads of sweat begin to form on my forehead, as that is what my friends refer to me as. Obviously, the 'TMO Damo' may be called Damon/Damien. Both are fairly uncommon names. Anyway. It's just that whenever anybody shouts Damo, or anything remotely Damo-ish, I assume that they're trying to get my attention. I can breathe a sigh of relief now, knowing that on this occasion it is an altogether different gentleman.
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
The "moderately disgusting" behaviour continued right up until you moved in with her, don't forget.
Like when you used to wait until I'd started running a bubble bath and then announce that you needed to take a massive, catastrophic dump, that would probably last several hours and involve Level 4 fumigation afterwards. I'd say, "you won't be able to do that when you live with Octavia", and you'd just shrug. Or like when you'd come into my room, look puzzled, say "I can't remember what I was going to tell you", guff vehemently, then say "oh yeah, that was it." Poor Octavia.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
lol
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Pfft! Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
The absurd thing is that VP never stopped complaining that I was moving out. It's like her life is empty without that kind of behaviour.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I just did an amusing miniature horn-like chuff that amused only me. 5 minutes later, my colleagues started an uproar of upset. Apparently they both need to go outside for air. I'm glad there's only three of us in the building today.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
Also - at least I kept my wind-oriented mishaps confined to the flat. I took VP out to dinner about 3 months ago, to a restaurant in Wimbledon Village. After scoffing down her Mexican wrap VP cast a glance over the other diners, opened her mouth wide and let rip with one of her trademark seismic belches. The kind that sound like a school play doing a thunderclap with corrigated iron.
When I put my head in my hands and muttered Jesus God... she just went "Oh yeah. Sorry. I forgot where I was."
[ 22.02.2007, 11:21: Message edited by: Nathan Bleak ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: The absurd thing is that VP never stopped complaining that I was moving out. It's like her life is empty without that kind of behaviour.
I think she'd be happy with me then.
VP I need to find someone to rent a house with, so if you want to move to MK, y'know, it'd be ok.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Haha! I mean I'd do that sort of thing on No Consequences Day! That didn't happen.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
heheh.
i'm supposed to go to a works do this evening - glass of champagne on arrival, three course mass-catered 'lowest common denominator' (lol@dangwince) food, cheesy dancing. but i really can't force myself to care particularly about going socialising with the people that i work with, with the exception of a couple of cool people, one of which is away skiing this week.
so. yeah. what to do.
Posted by Nathan Bleak (Member # 1040) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: That didn't happen.
It definitely did, as did the time she stank out an Orange Wednesday showing of Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest with a choking gaseous fug she tried to blame on me. When confronted she just said "It's not my fault - I had samosas before we came out".
Posted by Vogon Poetess (Member # 164) on :
Let's not get onto the subject of nasty emisions in the cinema, shall we?
I'm quite enjoying the peace and cleanliness of living on my own, Ringo. Everything is in the right place, and stays there!
[ 22.02.2007, 11:31: Message edited by: Vogon Poetess ]
Posted by Jimmy Big Nuts (Member # 895) on :
[ 22.02.2007, 11:58: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Mikee still wins when it comes to killer trumps though.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I stopped fancying Thorn quite as much after VP posted something about his bathroom habits a while back.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: I must say that it's good to see all of these prodigal posters return! I just wish Astro would come back now as well. And Elvis. And Raz. And Philomel. And Jonesy (who seems to be MIA).
I haven't really gone anywhere. I've just been busy working and commuting to-and-from Brighton so I haven't really had any time to read the boards, let alone post. I'm working from home today, though, so I have options. You know, I could contribute to TMO and try to help this wave of old school prolificacy thunder on. Or I could spend the day eating wotsits and wanking my pipe down to a little gristly rivet. I'll let you know which I choose.
[ 23.02.2007, 04:16: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Alreet Jonesy?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Alright Not? How's the family?
[ 23.02.2007, 04:24: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Ey up, Jonesy. I am also working from home today. Because my idiot husband managed to kneel on my ex-borked foot and it's experiementing with being borked again. The karmic boomerang always seems to hit me in the foot. Stupid karmic boomerang.
I could work. Or I could post on TMO in between listing the rest of my books on Green Metropolis.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
weird.
[ 23.02.2007, 04:56: Message edited by: not... ]
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Alright Not? How's the family?
Good thanks good, How's married life treating you? Got any plans for a little one of your own?
Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
I have done gone send you an email, Loucherina.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by not...: Good thanks good, How's married life treating you? Got any plans for a little one of your own?
Married life is great, much the same as it was anyway. Plans for a little one, yes. We're talking about possibly starting to stop trying not to have one some time soon. Perhaps.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999:
quote:Originally posted by not...: Good thanks good, How's married life treating you? Got any plans for a little one of your own?
Married life is great, much the same as it was anyway. Plans for a little one, yes. We're talking about possibly starting to stop trying not to have one some time soon. Perhaps.
That's what J and I did. Three weeks later, I was knocked up and J was strutting about with his lapels turned up.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
Yeh we did that too, It took a year before my spunk could muster up the energy to bother swimming all the way and butt it's way through to the egg. I had very emo spunk.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Yeah, it's annoying not having a bloody clue whether it will take like 9 months or 9 years or not at all. I'd rather it took a while, but I've got this terrible feeling it will happen at the first attempt. It's like job interviews when you don't actually want to the job. They're a dead cert.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
Exactly. We'd decided to do away with the contraception but then later realised that if I became pregnant straight away, it would clash with something really important and potentially cause problems. J got in a bit of a fluster, saying things like "You'll be pregnant now - I know it. It will have happened so quickly simply because we want to wait just one more month." Lo and behold....
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I could look at your sperm with my new microscope and let you know how perky it is?
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
That was one of the wierder things I have said on the internet. I retract the offer. I don't want to be inundated with sperm samples, my boss wouldn't like it.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Could you modify my goo to create a super child with laser arms and truth inducing tail?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I'd be well up for a TMO 'who's got the jazziest sperm?' contest.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
What is 'jazzie' in this context?
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I think 'jazzie' would be like, you know sperms wearing shades and donning zoot-suits and busting some moves to saxamaphone. I hadn't really thought of it. Strength? Elasticity? Opacity?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I used to be able to fire mine about six feet under the right circumstances, but I don't think I've got the power these days Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Do you think if the 'Jump' challenge was 'triple' rather than 'long' then you'd fair better?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
That's six feet up and over the back of the head. I don't know if it would have travelled further going, like, like forward in a straight line. That's physics, which isn't really my field. I'm more into wanking.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I've never really been one for long distance spurts. Generally it just dribbles out the end. I think it's probably a venturi type effect. If you've got a narrow spoff tube, the pressure is increased so the funk fires out like a laser.
That said, I did once blast myself right in the eye, which was shocking at the time but funny now I think back. Ah, good memories.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
The only way I can really imagine tripple jumping it would be to do it in a pond. If you got down low, you could probably skim it. You'd need to hold off for a week to try and establish that jelly like consistancy. Anything softer and it would just drown.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo:
That said, I did once blast myself right in the eye, which was shocking at the time but funny now I think back. Ah, good memories.
Yeah, I've caught myself in the peepers a few times. Each time I was still amazed at how hot the stuff actually is.
Catching in the mouth is worse, I think. You've got a real dilemma when that happens.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I don't think I say this very often, but man that's braggable.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
For several wanks afterwards, until I got my confidence back, I would wince and cower, shielding my face with my free hand when I reached my vinegar shakes. I do the same thing with party poppers, I'm always worried they're going to fire back at me and take my face off.
Flinching I mean, I don't wank them off like a cock.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
I'd suggest to your wife to wear a neck brace, jonesy. Just in case your power returns.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
Thank fuck it's Friday, eh?
And Jonesy is back! Posted by mart (Member # 32) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: the funk fires out like a laser
magic
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Thanks Ringo.
If you want to try for distance, Mikee, then I seem to remember grasping the root of the cannon, very tight, just before the point of ignition, and then letting it go when the pressure has built up can add some serious firepower. It's a matter of delicate timing, so you might need a few trial runs.
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
I thought the trick was to tighten that muscle you tighten when you want to stop your pee mis-stream just as you feel a spunky spurt coming on in order to increase the jump distance ?
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: I thought the trick was to tighten that muscle you tighten when you want to stop your pee mis-stream just as you feel a spunky spurt coming on in order to increase the jump distance ?
What - your fingers?
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
LOL...
It's the pelvic floor muscle isn't it ?
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
quote:Originally posted by Darryn.R: LOL...
It's the pelvic floor muscle isn't it ?
No I think you mean the prostate
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Jump distance? Sounds quite sci-fi. Do you travel back in time if the fwaps-capacitor reaches 88mph?
Posted by Waynster (Member # 56) on :
Though I am probably wrong....
RIght I'm off to catch the metro - perhaps I should offer the young lady if she is there a copy of this video?
(yeah I know - wrong thread...)
Posted by Darryn.R (Member # 1) on :
The prostate is a gland isn't it ?
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:NWOD Do you travel back in time if the fwaps-capacitor reaches 88mph
How fast does jizz actually travel? I mean, if it can cover a few feet in the blink of an eye, is the fastest a human being ever gets to travel the moment they are first fired from the dadcock? It's something to think about isn't it? That would explain why man is drawn towards speed. Every supercar, every landspeed record attempt, every really fast wee: just our natural desire to recreate the speed in which we entered the womb. Clarkson should have covered this by now. [INSERT WANKER JOKE HERE]
[ 23.02.2007, 08:38: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
That should be 'sauce' really for extra punnage. Ho well.
[ 23.02.2007, 08:43: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by Abby (Member # 582) on :
I don't know if I have made this up in my mind, or if I heard about it somewhere else, but I think you can do sperm fighting. You get your two teams and add some kind of coloured dye so you can differentiate them, then you (somehow) put a small number from each team into a narrow fluid filled glass tube. The two teams swim towards each other and attack! You can then watch them fight with a microscope! (I like microscopes).
I hope I didn't make this up myself.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Could you verify this? I'd like to be Blue.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Clarkson: And the top speed of spunk? A pathetic twenty eight miles an hour. But not if it's....rocket spunk!
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Abby, I'd take that down right now and copyright the format before you send it to Endemol.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Abby: I don't know if I have made this up in my mind, or if I heard about it somewhere else, but I think you can do sperm fighting. You get your two teams and add some kind of coloured dye so you can differentiate them, then you (somehow) put a small number from each team into a narrow fluid filled glass tube. The two teams swim towards each other and attack! You can then watch them fight with a microscope! (I like microscopes).
I hope I didn't make this up myself.
I reckon Damo would know something about this. Or perhaps even be behind it (no pun intended).
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: twenty eight miles an hour
Is it possible to get caught by a speed camera in a 20 mph zone... if you're a sperm?
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
God, Jonesy' s spunk would totally have mine.
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
Mine are lovers, not fighters.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
quote:Science has found that most of the sperm that men produce are not the egg-seeking-fast-swimmer kind. No, it is now believed that up to 90% of sperm could be killer sperm or kamikaze sperm, as it is often called by people who have to put a catchy name to every discovered phenomenon.
“Killer sperm? Kamikaze sperm?” I can almost hear you think by way of mental telepathy.
Yes. It is a curious thing. The next frontier in male warfare. Science dictates that there are some sperm whose sole purpose is to keep other men’s sperm from fertilizing their woman’s eggs. They literally engage is head to head combat. There are enzymes that are contained in the sacs of information being carried by sperm, the sperm head, so to speak. It is with these enzymes that sperm can penetrate the egg to fertilize it. Well wouldn’t you know that these killer sperm use this to penetrate other sperms sacks. They kill each other’s heads.
Posted by not... (Member # 25) on :
I really hope that Jonesy is writing a sperm fight post now and it includes the word "Sperminator"
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
I'm afraid I'm not. Although I have used the word Sperminator in my work twice this week, if that helps.
[ 23.02.2007, 08:59: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
I'm sure I read about that somewhere too - that sperm will fight the sperm of another male to prevent them fertilising any eggs around. It's the same place I also read about cervical fluids being able to detect the sperm of a non regular partner and consequently turning a bit acidic in order to make it difficult for them to reach and fertilise any eggs. Or maybe I imagined it. I'm not sure.
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
I reckon Ben's sperm would win a TMO sperm fight. they're practised.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
My sperm would kick fuck out of any other sperm. They are very angry, mine.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
Please, Zygote. ralph-sperm are huge. And even more practised than ben's.
Posted by MiscellaneousFiles (Member # 60) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: It's the same place I also read about cervical fluids being able to detect the sperm of a non regular partner and consequently turning a bit acidic in order to make it difficult for them to reach and fertilise any eggs.
That explains why prostitutes taste so zesty.
Posted by Zygote (Member # 883) on :
Shut up ralph. My sperm are 'practiced' and immensely frustrated, due to my ex having had "the implant". Very frustrated sperm we're talking here. You have no idea.
Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Please, Zygote. ralph-sperm are huge. And even more practised than ben's.
but surely yours are immobilised due to their high levels of hirsuteness? Being covered in hair must decrease their aerodynamic properties.
Posted by ralph (Member # 773) on :
quote:Originally posted by Sidney: but surely yours are immobilised due to their high levels of hirsuteness? Being covered in hair must decrease their aerodynamic properties.
That's one theory, but ralph-sperm have fertilized more eggs than I care to remember. Curse these fertile loins!
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
lol, thanks for putting an image in my head of ralphs sperm sludging out like jizz-clinkers. ....groo
Posted by jonesy999 (Member # 5) on :
quote:Originally posted by ralph: Curse these fertile loins!
Isn't that a song from Seven Brides for Seven Brothers?
[ 23.02.2007, 09:18: Message edited by: jonesy999 ]
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Zygote's sperms would be too drunken to fight. They'd be all waving their tails around erratically and offering competing sperms a pint.
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
sometimes i just want to give you guys a big virtual hug. the type that feels like it might turn 'inappropriate'.
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by Louche: I reckon Ben's sperm would win a TMO sperm fight. they're practised.
Huh. Yeah, sure.
(Actually, mine have retired now. But they retired undefeated.)
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
hydro-dynamic...
Posted by H1ppychick (Member # 529) on :
why, it's-a-greased-lightnin'! Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Oh, okay, Dang's reproducing heyday sperms were probably better than currently reproducing Ben's sperms.
Posted by Ringo (Member # 47) on :
I'd like to think mine would make good fighters, but they always turn up far too early and I suspect half of them would be dead already by the time the other team turned up..
Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Oh and Black Mask's made twins, didn't they? Thye must be hard.
Posted by New Way Of Decay (Member # 106) on :
Couldn't your sperm come out of retirement dang, if ben's sperm were to challenge you on national tv? Like that new Stallone film. Rocky Ballblower.
I didn't mean for that pathetic pun to break the boards.
[ 23.02.2007, 09:41: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
Posted by dang65 (Member # 102) on :
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: Couldn't your sperm come out of retirement dang, if ben's sperm were to challenge you on national tv?
Strictly Come Dancing? I'll get into training right now.
*police sirens in distance* Posted by Louche (Member # 450) on :
Oh, Dang Posted by Sidney (Member # 399) on :
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: I'd like to think mine would make good fighters, but they always turn up far too early and I suspect half of them would be dead already by the time the other team turned up..
Or perhaps they'd get lost halfway there, swimming round and round the cervix, thinking it's a roundabout. Then they might phone up their competitor sperm, who arrived at the egg three hours earlier and are waiting patiently, to ask for directions. This would fail though, as they'd end up misinterpreting the directions and head off in the wrong direction, not realising until they spotted a sign saying 'Labia 2 inches'.
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[/aside] I really assumed everyone would treat it as a joke.![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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) evening. I don't want to miss any of the big attractions, so if someone could list them here then that would be great.
