Fame, fortune, fabulous house, huge salary, international adoration..
You've got it all, or have you?
No, wait, there's something missing, now what could it be?
Oh yes, I remember, it's a drug problem.
Celebrity junkies get on my tits.
From Robert Downey Junior to Matthew Perry the celebrity junkie is the most annoying phenomenon I have ever encountered.
Every time I see Robert Downey Juniors podgy frog like face I want to stab him in the eyes with a fork.
And I don't even know the man !
I'm drowning in a sea of celebrity junkies, I can't turn on the television without hearing about how some poor B list celebrity is battling with a painful addiction to whatever the current drug of the moment is, and Bob is the Alpha male of the star junkie dog pack.
How many more times, must we be forced to suffer tales of Bobs drug problems, his latest bust for possession, his latest stint before the judges, the details of his latest sentence and how inevitably, Bob will, yet again violate his parole conditions and bugger up the plot-line of Ally McBeal for yet another tragic season. (Though frankly how we'd notice is beyond me)
I'm sick of it, and I'm sick of him.
If Bob wanted to get off drugs he could. In August 1999 Bob was jailed for three years, that's 1095 drug free days, long enough to cure any addiction. And what did he do when he got out? Clean up his act and rebuild his career? No, he got himself arrested again for possession of drugs.
And now his drug habit is now more famous than he is.
Celebrity junkies bring it on themselves.
A quick browse online brings up Melanie Griffiths and her stunning blow-by-blow account of her prescription drug addiction and subsequent cure. OK so, I read it, but not out of any interest for Mel's health, I just wondered what she was up to these days seeing as how she doesn't appear to actually have a career any more.
And that's it isn't it. You don't need a career if you have a harrowing tale of drug abuse to tell. You can see out your last years of fame crying on a sofa next to Oprah Winfrey whist the crowd whoops and cheers each time you use the word rehab or recovery.
These days, it seems like each and every minor celebrity who once took more than the recommended daily dosage of Night Nurse is eager to dance for the cameras and tell us all how they made it through the nightmare hell of drugs.
Me, I'm pre-booking a room at The Priory now just in case, After all there's really no such thing as bad publicity.