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Re: this thread - Aw thanks! I was doing the twittering myself for a while, right up until the point when I entered a WORLD OF PAIN and suddenly found myself with the cognitive resources of a raccoon with its leg caught in a trap, at which point Lisa took over.
So yeah. Jimmy's birth story, if you wish to hear about such things. Induction on 12th June. They put some balloon thing in to dilate the cervix, then they broke the waters, then they put me on this oxytocin drip thing to induce contractions and kept turning it up and up.
Contractions were absolute agony, gas and air did fuck all, epidural didn't do much either - it took away the contraction pain and allowed me to re-enter the human world, and get some rest, but it didn't take away the pressure of ENORMOUS BABY TRAVELLING DOWN **** . I always thought the scary bit of that would be the stretching / tearing feeling but it was more the sense of my bones just not being big enough for it to come out - the sense that my pelvis would snap - that was the most awful.
They kept saying 'Come on! Your baby is nearly here!' but by that point I didn't give a shit. All I wanted was for there to be some way for it to just stop happening, so I could get a rest. I kicked my boyfriend and sister out of the delivery room, btw. I didn't want people who I had to have a social relationship with seeing me in that groaning, growling animal state.
Anyway! Then the baby finally came out, hurrah, and they put him on my chest. And it was a good, quick delivery (if you can call 10 hours of the most excruciating agony a human can feel and still live 'quick') - the induction started at 10am and he was out by 8pm. No external tears (small one inside, 2 stitches), no instruments required for delivery, no episiostomy. Yay.
But then the stupid placenta wouldn't come out because my body just totally couldn't be assed to push that out too. So then I had to have general anasthetic and surgery to remove it, and then after the surgery I had this massive post-partum haemmorhage where I lost 2700 ml of blood - normal amount is 500-1000ml.
So I was lying in the recovery dept thinking 'This sucks' and then they kept coming up and giving me blood tests, and then, most grotacious thing EVER, there was this pulling sensation of something coming out of me, and they were yanking this long, red cloth from between my legs. A blood-soaked cloth. And I was like 'What the fuck is THAT?' and they said 'It's a tampon' but it wasn't like any tampon I had ever seen or ever want to see again. (They had packed the womb to stem the bleeding. Lovely.) And the next day I had to have a blood transfusion as well. And then I stayed in hospital for about four days. And now I am, like, 'anemic', and have to lie around in bed like a consumptive lady and eat iron pills and make my boyfriend do everything for me for a bit. Hurrah.
Anyway. So that is how Jimmy (not 'Big Nuts', you assholes. It's my Dad's name. And his full name is Jeremiah.) entered the world. Here are some pictures of him:
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Ooh, he's got that all-knowing look, before they learn that staring into souls is rude. Other than that, he really is v cute. Though that childbirth story has (temporarily) put me right off.
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He is gorgeous, London. Absolutely gorgeous. He looks so aware and alert and is so peachy. Congratulations and well done you on getting through the birth experience!
-------------------- They give you a pen as fat as a modest cock and you're expected to dab it on the page, as though you were mopping the dregs of an afternoon Tommy. Posts: 1847
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