The money is in the eyes

Posted by Thorn Davis

Dear God,

Whilst out on my lunch break earlier today I had the good fortune to be standing in the Croydon branch of Virgin Megastore, where they were playing the song 'Welcome To The Jungle' by popular rock and roll band, Guns 'And' Roses.

For a moment the song brought a smile to my face, as I'm sure it would you. The 17 years since its release have failed to blunt its exuberance. However, my enjoyment was curtailed by the fact it reminded me of I request (or prayer, to use your jumped-up marketing speak) I made when I first heard the song at the age of 11. I seem to remember praying, long and hard and on several occasions that "when I grew up could I please be in a world famous rock and roll band, hang out, take drugs and bang the living fuck out of hot chicks". I'm quoting verbatim from the prayer, here.

Today I realised that I am in fact grown up and I couldn't help noticing that rather than being a sex god, I'm a bit paunchy with cheap clothes. Instead of my job involving me rocking out, being violent and getting gob jobs from groupies til they puke, I write marketing copy for an engineering company. As for hanging out and taking drugs? Last night I decided against drinking a third bottle of Corona lest it mean I need to get up in the middle of the night to take a piss (to add insult to injury THIS HAPPENED ANYWAY!).

So - what the fuck's going on here 'God'? What happened to my rock star lifestyle? I've been looking forward to this for 17 years now, and it seems as though you've let me down - plunged me into disappointment. In fact your product 'Life' seems to be little more than a continuing series of disappointments, each more bitter than the last. As time goes on I've demanded less and less of you and each time you've failed in everything except confirming my suspicion that you're nothing more than a fly-by-night cowboy. You may wish to know I've sent a copy of this letter to the BBC television programme 'Watchdog'. I don't expect a reply, as you've never given me anything else.

Kind regards

Thorn Davis

Continued in the LIFE forum - Join the discussion

What are they saying in the forum ?:

Posted by Ringo
Nikki is my current favourite housemate. I want to stroke her hair till she falls asleep on my lap. Then gently slide my hand into her pants...

Posted by Boy Racer
I'm fairly sure Glyn is incomprehensible even to his mother.

Posted by Black Mask
You philistines, you should've been watching Buster Keaton, instead.

Continued in the MEDIA JUNKIES forum - Join the discussion

From the Editor:

It's your site - You write it

From now on we?re going to be using forum content on the main page of the website

So, if you?ve got something you want to get off your chest to more than just the usual suspects in the forum then now?s the time to post it.
We?ll be putting up different posts each week on the front page with a link directly onto the forum, so you?ll get the chance to not only have your opinions voiced to a greater audience but you?ll also be help attract new members to join the forums.

The Mods and Admins will be reading through the forum and picking posts from those people with something they want to say, and we don?t have to agree with what you say to put you on the front page we just want you to express yourselves.

So get posting..

Email TheMoonOnline Logo