Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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quote:Originally posted by dang65: I will be doing nothing with this animal.
Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. HA HA HA HA HA HA.
My Dad utters those exact same words around twenty years ago. Same objections, same principles, same capitulation in face of demanding wife and demanding, sad-eyed daughters who needed a dog. Admittedly, he got a better dog than a weedy fucked up snitzel or whatever but the end result was Man Captivated by Golden Retriever. The dog in question later died of something known as overwalking, brought on by having two teenage girls, a harrassed mother and frail grandmother in a rather small house.
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Louche
Carved TMO on her clit just to make you feel bad
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Look, mate, I will put cold hard cash on you being the sole fucking carer of this mutt in less than six months time. I am that fucking certain. Anyway, look at you, you loon. You're a giant soft marshmellow of a Dad. There's no way you're not going to love a waify dog. All else is just bullshit posturing.
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Shame, Dnang, I always liked your posts too.
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
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C'mooooooooon Dang, you'll love it like as if it were the son you never had.
I hate cats. Can't fucking stand the arrogant little fuckwits. Omikin's cat, on the other hand, rocks. It's all about the individual. Don't dismiss your Schnauser offhand. This is your chance to mould it, to shape the individual you really wanted when you foolishly agreed to have children. Under your tutelage, your Schnauser could become a rescue dog! A killing machine! It could double as a pillow! You might be able totrain it to sweep up after itself, or growl ferociously at your kids when they get into trouble!
Make it your ally, Dang.
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Speaking of With you always, the dude's added to his collection since the last time.
I particularly like the guitarist (with retro modern font), and the dork juggler.
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
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yay!
Let's play 'name Dang's dog'.
Fifi, That ain't a name for this mutt. So how about Champion? Champion you're anything but.
We could call him Tiger, But there's no bite in him, Tiger! Kittens would frighten him. Rover! When you think it over, Rover is the perfect name for this dumb look-in' dog.
Sandy, Sandy's his name if you please. If you don't be-lieve me ask anyone of the fleas Residing on Sandy,
True he ain't pedigreed, Sandy, there ain't no better breed. And he really comes in handy, 'Specially when you're all alone in the night and you're small and terribly frightened it's Sandy, Sandy who'll always be there!
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quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Dang, Dang, Dang, watcha gonna call it Dang?
The owners of the animal in question have elected to call it "Ted". I shall probably use a different name each day, starting with "Louche".
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scrawny
One Mojito, two Gin and Tonics, Three Bacardi Lime Sodas, and a couple of pints of Stella please.
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Ted? That's fucking genius.
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You must be sure to keep us informed of all the comedy goings-on Ted is bound to bring to the household! Like the first time he esacpes and gets out onto the road, the first time he shits in your shoes, the first time you realise that you have been taking him for walks every day while your offspring watch TV....
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quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: Dang, Dang, Dang, watcha gonna call it Dang?
The owners of the animal in question have elected to call it "Ted". I shall probably use a different name each day, starting with "Louche".
whatever problems he gets up to when/if you call him damo, are not my fault ok? if he starts bumming your kids or stealing things or drinking your brandy, its not my fault.
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Dogs smell. They make your house smell. Then everytime you have visitors, they'll walk through the door and make that wrinkly nose face and you'll be all, "oh maaaaan, my house smells! Look at their faces - I'm so embarrassed!".
Get a cat instead - they rock. Dave's great company and takes herself out for walks and has never once chewed any of my belongings. [Has got a nasty habit of bringing dead birds into the house and leaving their entrails dragged across the carpet though - but you can always fry them up for the kids for breakfast. Fun and contributes to the household!]
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its absolutely pointless. its a substitute child that never develops beyond the age of ooh say maybe 5 years old. hence its always at the cute, needy, look at me, stage.
on saying that though, dogs make excellent sleeping companions. knaawha' i'm sayin'?
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Dang, the key value of pets is that you can substitute them for your own offspring when they become (inevitably) disappointing failures.
After the devestating sudden death of Britain's Most Spoilt Cat earlier this year, my parents have found another feline to simper gormlessly over.
Questions about how my brother is are met with a vague "a'right, but guess what, the kitten's using the litter tray right now! Isn't she clever? Come and speak to Vogon on the phone!" *Father continues conversation in fake cat voice*
It seems my parents have counteracted the failure of their children to obtain respectable careers and gran-pleasing domestic arrangements by focussing on the successes of little Tabitha (well, that's what she's called today, the name's already changed three times in a week).
Little Ted will still be there for you, when the others are in youth prisons, or on Trisha.
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Actually, as kittikins cuddles up to me and gazes fascinated at my typing fingers, I can see why my parents think she is way cuter and more entertaining than me or my brother.
My Dad's got a webcam set up so he can keep an eye on her at work and amuse himself and his colleagues by calling home and watching her stare confusedly at the phone as it rings.
It's probably a good thing that the Poetess family genes seem destined to be outlived by those of felix domesticus.
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quote:Originally posted by Vogon Poetess: My Dad's got a webcam set up so he can keep an eye on her at work and amuse himself and his colleagues by calling home and watching her stare confusedly at the phone as it rings.
Would your Dad be prepared to give us the URL?
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I'm trying, but I have no idea what a 'cat voice' would sound like, apart from perhaps a sultry, sibilant drawl, and the thought of anyone's Dad doing that is unsettling...
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I reckon Vogon should record her dad doing a cat voice, mix it with some footage from cat-cam and release it onto the peer-to-peer networks. It's bound to become a world-wide internet craze within hours.
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quote:Originally posted by MiscellaneousFiles: Would your Dad be prepared to give us the URL?
And the phone number. We need the cat's phone number or it might just be asleep or whatever else cats do. Asleep, yeah. Can't think of anything else.
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quote: Would your Dad be prepared to give us the URL?
After two and a half years here I still don't know how to make lonks.
My parents have made me come home (*shocked outrage* "you mean you don't want to come and see the new baby? She'll be grown up by Christmas") and have gone off to work leaving me to starve! A cupboard full of Whiskas and no bread, crisps, or bananas. It's a bit much, frankly, seeing as I nearly died of malnutrition on holiday in the land of Frenchs.
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