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My dad and my brother have webbed toes- the two next to their big toe are joined half way along. Mine are slightly joined, but not so notably.
Obviously our descendents, Homo piscens, will be ruling the waves of a globally-warmed and flooded planet, whilst you lot drown.
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I have the wonderful hammer toe condition, a gift from my dad (and one that he couldn't sell down the pub when times were hard). they hurt like hell, and I find shoes and socks extremely uncomfortable. My dad had an operation where they broke his toes and reset them - but I'll give that a swerve.
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Astromariner
Going the right way for a smacked bottom
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When I was little, I used to think there was something a bit rude about bare feet, and toes especially. If I'd known what the word "obscene" meant, I would have used it to describe the look of un-socked feet with their toes all wiggly and exposed.
Nowadays, I'm not that keen on my own toes. They seem a bit squat and stubby to me, like little pink chipolatas. I don't have strong opinions either way about other people's though. I remember that Vogon once mentioned Uma Thurman's distressingly ugly feet in Kill Bill, and I couldn't even remember what they looked like.
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I quite like my feet and toes, but they seem to upset a lot of people. People are pretty harsh on my feet, without any real justification. Rose Davis had weird feet - her toes were almost as dextrous as her fingers. They were like chimpanzee feet - like big flapping hands on the ends of her legs.
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I don't like my toes. They have great thick talons on the end of them that require a Black & Decker to cut down. We don't need toes anyway, we have our ears or if you have one a cock to help balance.
quote:Originally posted by Thorn Davis: I quite like my feet and toes, but they seem to upset a lot of people. People are pretty harsh on my feet, without any real justification.
If you trimmed your toenails a bit more often, it would be less upsetting for those around you.
Claudia Schiffer also has famously ugly feet.
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quote:Originally posted by Kira: Does the forum have a foot fetish this week?
My dad told me the best thing a while ago. He told me that when he was in his younger years he thought that what a fetishist did was drink champagne out of a high heeled shoe. That was it. That was the extent to his knowledge. I laughed so hard that a single tear welled in my right eye. (one eye for laughter, two eyes for sad) Poor Pops.
[ 11.11.2005, 05:19: Message edited by: New Way Of Decay ]
quote:Originally posted by New Way Of Decay: He told me that when he was in his younger years he thought that what a fetishist did was drink champagne out of a high heeled shoe.
My mother still belives this. Then again, my mother thinks she's too common to go to the theatre, as it is full of posh people who will see her as An Imposter in their posh world.
Toes are alright. Unless they've got manky elongated yellow nails with things embedded in them. My toes are perfect rectangles and my little toes are so small neither of them have nails. This could mean I'm a bit deformed, but it saves on nail polish.
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I used to get really scared by this story of the "Hairy Toe", which went essentially thus: an old lady was in her garden when she found a Hairy Toe. She took it indoors and put it by her bedside table.
That night when she was in bed, her sleep was woken by a distant, dreadful voice: who's got my Hairy Toe?
The voice grew nearer until she was sure it was in her garden: who's got my Hairy Toe?
She huddled beneath the blankets but still heard the voice, nearer yet... at her back door. Who's got my Hairy Toe?
And then she could tell it was in her hall: who's got my Hairy Toe?
And mounting the stairs...WHOOO'S got my Hairy Toe?
Her bedroom door opened, and louder yet, the voice boomed: WHOOOO'S GOT MY HAIRY TOE?
and so on.
Well, I really despised my mother for buying me a book of poetry "for children" with this poison in it, as the very idea and memory of it nearly made me soil myself. I turned the book's spine to the wall and squashed it between other volumes so I didn't even have to see it, because it felt as though the book actually contained the creature with the Hairy Toe. I couldn't risk looking at the cover, let alone opening the pages.
Unfortunately, one day at school as a before-hometime "treat", our teacher decided to read us a spooky poem. I'm afraid I was reduced to a sick wreck in front of the class.
So, that's toes for you. Modge says I have "horny toes", but she doesn't mean it as a compliment. When I clip them, it's like shrapnel.
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I'm fucked. Broken hangover fucked. I ride the Wagon from Finsbury Park to Moorgate, I fancy toes. TMO knows what I am and it's stalking my mind.
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posted
My toes are actually OK, as toes go, quite neat and the right length, marred only by a hideous disfiguring claw on my middle right toe, which has to be gradually nibbled away at by mechanical cutting gear to enable my foot to get into a shoe.
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quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I'm fucked. Broken hangover fucked. I ride the Wagon from Finsbury Park to Moorgate, I fancy toes. TMO knows what I am and it's stalking my mind.
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I've just been looking up Hairy Toe material and apparently someone recently published a new picture-book version, with a more developed plot and more elaborate beginning and end.
In this retelling, a fellow is always swiping things from his neighbours' gardens, and the Hairy Toe sticks to a lump of tar in his pockets. At the end, as I gather, the owner of the Hairy Toe takes the man away with him to make up for the theft, and on Hallow's Eve when the wind whistles through the trees, folk say you can still hear ol tar pockets screaming.
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My feet are by far my least attractive part. They're really hideous, with great thick slabs of worryingly nicotine coloured nails, flat thick soles and, most upsettingly, annoying psoriasis which makes the skin fall off my toes.
H1ppychick
We all prisoners, chickee-baby. We all locked in.
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I have small feet (size 3 ish) but they are wide. I think I am a mutant. No freaky toes or anything although I can kind of make my toes 'ripple' by scrunching them against the floor.
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Ringo has done a class job of making his feet sound repulsive. They are not that bad. I mean, they are mean, but acceptable. The way he just described them though made it sound like you'd need to chop off and cremate his feet in case they regenerate after his demise.
quote:Originally posted by jonesy999: I'm fucked. Broken hangover fucked. I ride the Wagon from Finsbury Park to Moorgate, I fancy toes. TMO knows what I am and it's stalking my mind.
Is this a riddle? Is the answer 'Benway'?
There is no answer.
Arrrrrrrghhh, Jesus! I'm all about weird nights out at the moment, nights that just don't fit into the jigsaw of life.
I feel incredibly odd. I apologise in advance for littering the boards with awful posts for the rest of the day.
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