posted
IT IS DISCO DAMAGAGE AKA DANCE MAGUERITA'S BIRTHDAY!!!! WHOOHOO!! Today is the year she turns EVEN MORE AWESOME! So let's all present our birthday areas and give it up for Disco DEEE!!!!
As it's her birthday, she's gonna give us a special treat. Girl's got a pocketful of wisdom and a purseful of style. Bitch got 17 posts to spill in as many minutes. And she's here to dispense advice, just because it's her birthday. So:
ASK DISCO A QUESTION AND SHE WILL CURE WHAT AILS YOU.
poster fist:
a) is my sexlife wrong or is it completely justifiable under the circumstances, disco?
b) should i defend my article against online attack, because i can't be arsed.
NOW YOU! QUICKLY!!!! And wish her a Happy Birthday while you're at it, goddammitTTT!
posted
a) it might be better to ask someone who is getting laid at the moment, to be quite frank. at the moment im kinda thinking, 'YOURE GETTING SOME AINT YA? DONT OVERTHINK IT! SOME OF US AINT GOT YOUR WORRIES!'
b) fuck 'em.
next. im gonna have to move to the place with the cheesy chips
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
| IP: Logged
posted
I'm worried about telling my parents if I'm getting hitched. I can imagine they'd be kind of underwhelmed and I just don't want to have a conversation with them where they're all "What the fuck?" How should I approach this? Is there a way of making a big life decision without your parents assuming you're making a fuck up, because all you ever do is fuck up, isn't it fuck up boy? Is there any way to convince them I'm able to make exciting and informed decisions like an adult man?
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
| IP: Logged
posted
I'm very disappointed. In the absence of advice from disco, I phoned my father and told him I was thinking of getting married. His reaction was a stiff "Do you really think that's a good idea?" Not that I need his approval, but it's a bit of a boner harsher, like squealing about a knew job and having everyone say "I bet it's shit". So. Thanks a lot disco.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by Nathan Bleak: I'm worried about telling my parents if I'm getting hitched. I can imagine they'd be kind of underwhelmed and I just don't want to have a conversation with them where they're all "What the fuck?" How should I approach this? Is there a way of making a big life decision without your parents assuming you're making a fuck up, because all you ever do is fuck up, isn't it fuck up boy? Is there any way to convince them I'm able to make exciting and informed decisions like an adult man?
by telling them, you're showing them you're making a grown up decision. everything else is what you're expecting them to do.
Posts: 1913
| IP: Logged
posted
I had a couple of glasses of Polak beer to celebrate The Führer's birthday last month and felt slightly dirty afterwards. I could blame the fact that there was no German stuff left on the shelves at Sainsbury's (Jewish company, ugh!) but I still feel the need to exfoliate.
Disco, plz hlp!
-------------------- "You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary!" "I thought they were animal cookies..." Posts: 4130
| IP: Logged
I've been clearing some of my land for garden space, and to let some more sunlight in. I'm almost done, but there's this gigantic dead beech tree that needs to come down, but it's larger than anything I've ever tackled before, and it's pretty close to the house. I'd like to ask my neighbor to help me with it, but my other neighbor recently had a run-in with him (he shot at some of her chickens that were on his property) and I don't want to be friendly with tree-cutting neighbor if it will upset chicken-neighbor. What should I do? It would cost too much $$$ to have a professional out to take the tree down, but it must come down as it's becoming a safety issue.
posted
This thread is a total washout. All these questions, disco's gone AWOL, doc d is giving out advice that I don't even understand, Benny The Ball is having a mid life crisis, and Sam Norton has just piled on another question that will go unanswered. Disastrous. Is this what London and Disco are offering in lieu of jokes about whore-coring? Pathetic.
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
| IP: Logged
I am going to Spain tomorrow for a few days. I will need to obtain euros, but am worried about getting ripped off (commission-wise). Should I get my euros from the airport or should I just get them when I get to Spain?
Posts: 1696
| IP: Logged
1 An unwanted feline visitor penetrates my flap at night, and tussles with my pussy - I find hair on the landing. How can I dissuade him?
2 What's it all about, eh? Why is discontentment the default setting?
3 How can I get rid of mould on a tree trunk? How can I identify the species of tree so I can be more specific? Is the word 'species' related to 'specific?
Posts: 4537
| IP: Logged
Should I stay with my parents for a couple of years, furiously saving like I’ve never saved before or should I say “to heck with it!” and find another rented place where I can strut about in my pants, get drunk whenever I want, and generally enjoy myself?
Regards,
Ringo
P.S. have you ever noticed how we are both named after crispes? Co-incidence? Hmm..
Posts: 12211
| IP: Logged
I got some Cheesy Tortilla Chips from Tesco last week and they are really cheesy and delicious, to the point where eating a handful leaves a wonderful orange cheesy residue on your fingers. They are great with a chilled Weizen.
Yesterday the shelves were empty - it's a damned conspiracy - and I don't know what to do. Ready salted and Polak beer doesn't quite cut it.
Help me!
-------------------- "You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary!" "I thought they were animal cookies..." Posts: 4130
| IP: Logged
posted
BUT IM GOING to give it to you anyway, because i am the world's alltime queen of lovely.
please note: im not eating cheesy chips, im ating chips with mayo and tommy k. if my advice starts getting downbeat its because the mayo is heinz not hellmans and the tommy k is own- brand not heinz! what fresh madness is this.
BTB: i think you need to leave the heady world of the meeja behind and start getting real. have you ever done any care work? you strike me as a caring kind of guy. plus, you have soft hands, which is always handy if you are going to be wiping pensioners' moist vaginas clan with a very thin cloth.
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
| IP: Logged
posted
Dear disco. Whilst travelling on a London bus earlier today I read an article which claimed that CHEESE is to be reclassified as a JUNK FOOD, and advertising the yellow beef will be banned during children's television programming. Do you think this is a good or a bad thing?
Posts: 7733
| IP: Logged
posted
nathan: kill your family. kill them with hammers, slie them with stanleys, try on their faces. spend the money you save on a better class of canape for the people in your life who actually love and care about you. take photos of your family lying in their own blood and force your best man to work said photos into his speech as an awesome comedy denouement. advise him to do this, whilst holding a loaded gun to his temple. 'that sort of edgy humour, its what theyd expect of me, silverginger. im nathan bleak'. whisper it through gritted teeth into his ear. watch him holding the photos aloft in a shaking hand from your position at top table, and then point at the row of empty chairs lined up next to you, wink at the brides' parents, and grip your new bride's hand tight in your own, so tight that the wedding ring on your finger leaves a scar in her flesh.
posted
doc d: i didnt want to say this benny the ball, but asking me for career advice is like asking britney spears to be your sponsor. what areyou thinking?
-------------------- evil is boring: cheerful power Posts: 1655
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by dance margarita: force your best man to work said photos into his speech as an awesome comedy denouement. advise him to do this
This is a wonderfully horrible little scene, dm. I'm impressed.
Posts: 4376
| IP: Logged
quote:Originally posted by Ringo: Ralph surely as an American you'd have some manner of artilery suitable for destroying a humble tree?
I don't own any firearms Ringo. Never have. Probably never will. This tree is pure evil. One of it's old dead limbs struck me on the shoulder a few weeks ago. It hurt like hell. I've stayed away from it ever since.
Posts: 7436
| IP: Logged
1 An unwanted feline visitor penetrates my flap at night, and tussles with my pussy - I find hair on the landing. How can I dissuade him?
seal your flap shut with gaffer tape, or sprinkle broken glass around it.
quote:2 What's it all about, eh? Why is discontentment the default setting?
oh i KNOW. i know i know i know. you dont need to tell me about it. i know. life is just a cup of hot fat with a hair in it, and theres nothing we ca do about it, except adopt hobbies.
quote:
3 How can I get rid of mould on a tree trunk? How can I identify the species of tree so I can be more specific? Is the word 'species' related to 'specific?
i wish i was bob flowerdew and i could anwer this. but im not. heres my advie: ask bob flowerdew. he is a lovely hippy with a long grey plait! he knows the answers.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic