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The combine harvester works pretty well. Although you need a really good cover up team behind you to use it more than once.
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Tired of that soft, white, soiled flesh crawling away with a heartbeat? Too busy at work to deliver that final, fatal slash? Don't worry, the new Ronco Whoreomatic is the only tool you'll ever need for immediate tramp termination. Its revolutionary patented Whore Corer™ will pass straight through flesh and bone like a knife through butter - removing her black, diseased heart in a single, tidy motion - while its double tungsten larynx blades will sever her vocal calls, making those pesky good Samaritan murders a thing of the past. Meanwhile, Ronco's unique Elation Station™ will slowly suck at your engorged manhood to create a synchronized moment of death and euphoria time after time after time.
Fits neatly into an overcoat pocket.
As seen on TV. "I learned about the Ronco Whoreomatic while on remand. I just can't wait to get off!" - Steve Wright Ipswich. "My greatest regret is never having used the Ronco Whoreomatic" - Ian Brady, Parkshurst. "I've been using the Whoreomatic for the last three years and I've racked up over seventeen kills, whilst holding down a full time job as a Deacon and running a model aircraft club in my spare time. Thank you Ronco!" - Anon, Plymouth.
Do you ever find yourself standing on a deserted canal towpath, blood on your hands, a tit in your pocket, but the jobs not quite done? There's your whore, convulsing, moaning, blood-bubbles all over her top lip so thick she looks just like your uncle Morrie. The bitch just - won't - die!
I had that problem, too! And then someone introduced me to the K-Tel Slut-o-Matic. It chops, slices, mashes and dices. All in one easy action. You'll never have any more trouble with death-defying tramps. And that's a guarantee!
The Slut-o-Matic! I was so impressed I bought the whole company!
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You mean, like, a TMOlympics? I've never heard of such a thing. Maybe some other forites would like to fill the rest of us in on the events in this worthy tournament?
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ah whore-be-gones and slut-whackers are fine, but the real question is: do you compost them and claim them as carbon offset?
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posted
The Invisibles is just getting stranger and stranger and better and better. I took a break from it yesterday to read Vol. 6 of Walking Dead. Not the best volume by a long chalk, it's like Kirkman felt he had to up the gore-levels, so went nuts for a few dozen pages, then got bored and went back to pondering morality and humanity again. Still, the story's driving forward. 6 out of 10.
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: Have you read the stuff with Boy and the slave trade underground thing in the US yet? That's my favourite bit I think...
No, I think that bit is coming up. Jack Frost has just come to terms with his abilities, spooked one of the Archon and resurrected King Mob. Jim Crow is about to spirit them out of the UK. The art's improving periodically, as well.
quote:Originally posted by Benny the Ball: Have you read the stuff with Boy and the slave trade underground thing in the US yet? That's my favourite bit I think...
Hold on... do you mean the Black Train and the gang-bangers as the secret army of the NWO? That was at the end of book 3. Yeah, that was great. With very dark blocky art, like a cross between Rizzo and Mignola. I should probably know the artist's name, but, you know, it's all about the story...
Each book is just fucking thick with ideas, it's a bit overwhelming in places.
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That's the one. The art is amazingly up and down - I think the series suffered from the shifting so much in the earlier issues. It does get great at moments (the 60's/70's inspired stuff is great).
-------------------- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down Posts: 2740
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I think Benny meant the later reprise of those ideas in (?) American Death Camp; when Boy is stripped of multiple cover identities, including (apparently) the backstory about her two brothers.
I'm at the start of Kissing Mister Quimper now, and expecting it to get scary. The Invisibles overall does feel like a series of episodic adventures - Harmony House, Sir Miles, House of Fun, Dulce, Hand of God. There are overlaps and returns to previous episodes, but it's largely proceeding in terms of mini-missions, with the big arc made up of character development rather than a grand narrative.
Although, of course, the big story is supposedly Invisibles vs Archons... which I find the least convincing, most embarrassing bit of the whole comic. The whole idea of alien monsters, the forces of order and repression, crops up time and time again in Morrison's work of this period (Zenith and Kid Eternity both have their own very similar versions) and the Archons look worst of all the incarnations: just cheesy. Not to mention that the idea of our heroes embodying "rebellion" (= sex, drugs, dancing, shaved head, fetish leather) comes across as kind of lame.
I have some vague memory that the basic concept of a war between rebellion and order are subverted by the end of the last book - which would rescue the series for me in this sense, just as the most interesting episode so far is Best Man Fall, which makes King Mob look like a shit instead of a cool-ass assassin.
If this isn't the case, then the whole idea of a Grant Morrison lookalike and (as he's openly explained) fantasy avatar as the bald, leather-clad sex god of kewlness, fighting with his shockingly trendsome friends (a hip-hop musician! a tranny! a sweary boy! a black woman!) seems kind of naive, transparently egocentric and... very 1990s, not in a good way.
-------------------- pudgy little saucepot Posts: 738
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quote:Originally posted by wonderstarr: Although, of course, the big story is supposedly Invisibles vs Archons... which I find the least convincing, most embarrassing bit of the whole comic.
I think it's great, a Cthonic/Illuminati hybrid, drawing together threads of legend, sci-fi, conspiracy theory, esoteric religion, the occult, physics... Good stuff. Surely, KM's coney rubber jacket is the most embarrassing bit of the whole comic?
quote:Originally posted by wonderstarr: Although, of course, the big story is supposedly Invisibles vs Archons... which I find the least convincing, most embarrassing bit of the whole comic.
I think it's great, a Cthonic/Illuminati hybrid, drawing together threads of legend, sci-fi, conspiracy theory, esoteric religion, the occult, physics... Good stuff. Surely, KM's coney rubber jacket is the most embarrassing bit of the whole comic?
To be fair, I think it's more the inside and outside-cover blurbs I'm getting this from, with their summaries of the books thus:
There's A WAR going on between the forces of Oppression and a small band of terrorist Freedom Fighters!
Join
KING MOB: the baddest, baldest cool assassin of this - and ANY OTHER century!
RAGGED ROBIN: Girl from the Future. She became King Mob's LOVER. (You'll see them shagging - and how!!)
BOY: She's a girl... and she's Black! Don't mess with this sista... she's from HARLEM (the baddest, blackest town on this Earth) so she grew up hard, on streets where smarts and MARTIAL ARTS are the only way to survive!
JIM CROW: As another Black person, he brings VOODOO and his HIP HOP skills to the team!
LORD FANNY: He's a girl... she's a ... BOY? Also a South American Shaman - or should we say, SHA-woman? Prepare to have your senses shocked!
JOLLY ROGER: See what we did again? Roger's a girl... and she could soon become someone's LOVER! Cause she's a Lesbian (she knows Martial Arts, too).
JACK FROST: He fucking hates that name! And he's not fucking afraid to say "FUUUUCK!" Could also be the New Buddha.
Also inside: Marquis de Sade (historical and literary sex)! Ecstasy drugs... The Number 23... The Roswell Alien.
THERE'S a war ON between King Mob's team and the forces of control and repression, like men in SUITS, guided by ALIENS.
which side ARE YOU ON??
------------> King Mob's side of Rebellion and Cool? or the men in suits trying to control us, who are REALLY CONTROLLED by Aliens <------------
-------------------- pudgy little saucepot Posts: 738
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I would love that, actually, if Robin or someone went to have a word with King Mob and he was all like "What happened to your hair... your clothes...?" and they replied "Ah, yes, well that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've been offered a job, you see. And well... I was thinking... all we ever do is whizz around the dimensions and fire weird guns at aliens, and for a while now I was thinking it might be nice to... you know... settle down. And there's prospects, you see. And. Well. You know. Properties aren't getting any cheaper, and you know what it's like trying to get a mortgage without a permanent job... I mean, I haven't even got enough official ID to rent a film from Blockbuster at the moment, and Ocean's 13 has just come out. And well. To be honest I just wanted to fucking grow up."
-------------------- Now that you've called me by name? Posts: 2007
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quote:Originally posted by Black Mask: Check it out!
If he could communicate telepathically, if he had a sword and a machine gun and a pet attack-hyena, a hover bike and a license to kill, and a billion quid, that would be perfect and I'd even give up being me to be him.
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I saw a film called 'swingers' yesterday, and it was pretty good. Coming of age / buddy kind of thing involving a group of twenty something male actors trying to get started in Hollywood. A feel good film, but it had some tight scripting and a comforting indie feel to it. Worth it if you get the chance.
[ 14.05.2007, 05:39: Message edited by: Jimmy Big Nuts ]
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