Lookin' just right is important for a lad. I mean you may have the heart of a lad but if you look like a shandy drinking noofter ain't nobody gonna take you seriously.

Hair
Simple - Shave it off.
There are four standard hairstyles for the lad:

• Grade One
• GradeTwo
• Grade Three
• Grade Four

For say a visit to the local magistrate a grade four haircut is the best choice. Holidays, football matches and pissing it up in the pub are the best times to try out a grade one. Grades two and Three are OK for the working day of having a fight.

Skin Care
Plenty of sun that's what you need. Skin should be weather beaten, craggy, pock-marked and red. Some areas however do need special attention.
Around the eyes you will need crows feet, so never, ever wear sunglasses. Sunglasses are only acceptable if they have a big logo and are hanging from one of your 9ct. gold chains.
The nose should be a deeper red than the rest of the face and preferably broken. This can usually be achieved by having a fight.

Shaving
As mentioned in skin care, the skin should be red. A good way to add extra redness to your skin is by shaving. Wherever possible a blunt razor is to be used. Shaving against the direction of hair growth will add redness to you skin as well as a number of cuts and ingrown hairs.
After shaving, to deepen the shade of the red apply an after shave such as Kouros.

Clothes

Every Ladz wardrobe should contain the following:

• Fred Perry Shirt
• Ben Sherman Shirt
• Football Shirt
• England T-Shirt
• White Towelling Socks
• Shell Suit
• Trainers
• Docs
• Jeans
• Skiddy Pants

The above list of clothes can be mixed and matched to create the perfect ensemble for any court appearance, holiday, wedding or punch up.

So now you look the part. Why not get out of the house and walk your dog, try and pull a bird or simply go down the pub for a drink ?
Safe in the knowledge that you are lookin' good.


FLM's expert fashionable hooligan: Pinky 'The Toff' Pinkerton.